DEAR ABBY: I am an emergency physician. Over the years, I have come to know many police officers, firefighters and paramedics who put their lives on the line daily for the good of our society. I have great admiration for them. They don't make millions for hitting home runs, but their work is vital to our communities.

Unfortunately, death in the line of duty is inevitable for a significant number of them, and consequently, every year hundreds of their children are orphaned. We have all seen pictures of funerals with an honor guard of dozens or even hundreds of the hero's comrades in attendance. A collection is taken; speeches are made. But what then? The surviving parent is left with a child or children to raise alone. Sometimes the youngest child is still in the mother's womb, never to see its father's face.

A moment of silence to honor the dead is well and good, but there are years to go before the children reach maturity. I think it would be most helpful to have several camps in our country where these children could spend a couple of weeks each summer, gratis. The benefits would be many:

Each year, these children would spend time with others who have had the same experience. Friendships would be created, and they could help each other face their loss and emerge victorious from their adversity.

The ongoing nature of the camp experience would be a permanent tribute to the memories of those who gave their "last, full measure." This would teach those children that our society is truly grateful for their parents' sacrifices. They would grow up with even greater admiration for their deceased parent, and thus greater self-esteem.

The surviving parents would be given two weeks a year of much-needed time to themselves. They would also become part of a surviving parents network that would inevitably develop.

Finally, the men and women of our nation who put their lives on the line would know that, if the worst happened, their children and spouses would not be forgotten the day after the funeral.

Surely there is land, public or private, that could be designated for this purpose. I am sure there would be no shortage of volunteers to help run these camps.

Abby, I can't think of anyone who would be more influential in promoting this idea than you. If you think it's worth mentioning in your column, I'm sure the response will be as overwhelming as it will be heartwarming. -- PHILLIP A. BREWER, M.D., YALE EMERGENCY MEDICINE, CHESHIRE, CONN.

DEAR DR. BREWER: Your idea has merit, and I hope it succeeds. With the closure of so many military bases nationwide, to create camps there for the children of public safety personnel who die in the line of duty, would be a fitting tribute.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law died in 1989, but my sister-in-law still sends an anniversary card to her father on their anniversary. In addition, she sends her father a sympathy card on the anniversary of her mother's death.

I have never heard of this. Is it normal? Is it healthy? -- CONCERNED SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR CONCERNED: Not only is it healthy, it's a very loving gesture. Your sister-in-law is to be commended for her sensitivity. I have received countless letters from widows and widowers bemoaning the fact that friends and relatives ignore the anniversary after the spouse dies. They tell me it's as if the marriage never took place, and it's a very lonely day for them. Because the spouse is deceased doesn't mean that the day isn't meaningful for the survivor. It's an important event, one filled with precious memories.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in love with my ex's co-worker (I'll call him Jim). This is dangerous as I live with my ex in the same house, although not in the same quarters. We have both had some trouble distancing ourselves from each other since we decided to break up nearly a year ago.

Jim and I have talked on the phone and communicated by e-mail on a regular basis, and I feel I connect well with him. When we have met in person, my ex has always been there -- and I know that's why Jim isn't taking things further. My ex and Jim have been pals as well as colleagues for many years, and I think Jim fears my ex's annoyance. (Whether he'd be unhappy or not is questionable.)

I have put myself slightly out on a limb in terms of expressing my feelings to Jim, but each time our conversation becomes flirtatious, he cuts it short.

This is very frustrating. I have become so fascinated by him that if we don't go beyond flirting soon, I can see myself making as much of a fool of myself at 25 as I did when I was 15, by doing something stupid or too forward and ruining my chances of a relationship with him. Please help. -- JENNIFER IN MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

DEAR JENNIFER: As long as you're living under the same roof as your ex, your romance with his co-worker has gone as far as it's going to go. I salute his good sense. In the interests of all concerned, you must make a clean break with your ex before proceeding seriously with anyone else. One of you should move.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from the mother whose son had died. She wrote that the mourners who attended the funeral ignored the grief and loss felt by her husband, her son's stepfather. It is sad when stepfamily members are tossed aside, especially in times of grief.

My ex-husband raised my two daughters (his stepdaughters) from the ages of 1 and 3 to the ages of 17 and 18. We were divorced in 1987, but the girls kept a father/daughter relationship with their stepfather until his death in 1996. They both had married and had children, and their stepfather was considered a father-in-law and grandfather by all concerned.

When he died, my daughters were not informed of his death, were excluded from his funeral, and his obituary made no mention of them -- although it did mention his current wife's son and grandson (the son was an adult and on his own when they married, and my ex had no part in raising her son).

My daughters had always professed that their biological father was their father, but their stepfather was "Daddy." I cannot understand how someone can be so heartless as to have done this to anyone, let alone my daughters. They were not given the opportunity to say goodbye to their daddy. People should consider the impact of their actions on the innocent parties involved in a family crisis. -- MILLIE IN SPANAWAY, WASH.

DEAR MILLIE: Since I don't know the grieving widow, I don't know whether the omission was deliberate -- an indication of how threatened she was by her husband's closeness to his stepdaughters -- or the fact that she was so devastated by her own grief that she couldn't think beyond it to the pain that was felt by others. Please give her the benefit of the doubt.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We have read your column for years, with its examples of acts of kindness and references to Iowa hospitality. This letter is about that hospitality.

During the week of Aug. 16-22, I was visiting my terminally ill aunt in Waterloo, Iowa. I am severely hearing-impaired. One of my hearing aids shorted out and left me virtually unable to use the telephone. I contacted several hearing aid offices before finding help. The person who came to my aid was an audiologist named Ron Potter.

When I contacted Ron and explained my situation to him, he came to my motel and inspected my hearing aid, but was unable to make the required repairs. He took me to his shop and fitted me with a loaner hearing aid. When I asked about my bill, he said, "No charge. Just mail the aid back when you get home."

I was in a state of shock. I couldn't believe that someone was trusting me, a complete stranger, with an item worth several hundred dollars. I mean, no deposit, no ID check, nothing! I persuaded him to make a copy of my driver's license and let me buy him lunch.

Yes, Abby, there are some good people left in this world. What really made me feel even better is the fact that I am black and Ron is white. Yes, we CAN get along! -- DIAMOND B. BEARD JR., SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR DIAMOND: Although it may be out of season, I'm sure Ron Potter will be thrilled to see your "valentine" in the newspaper. And, may I add -- your letter made my day!

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the recent letter by "Linda of Howell, Mich.," regarding her son who decided to become a vegetarian. In addition to your suggestion that she visit her pediatrician, I thought you might like to know of the services that can be provided by a registered dietitian.

The initials R.D. indicate that a person has completed at least a four-year degree in dietetics or nutrition, a 900-hour internship in the areas of clinical and community nutrition and management, and has passed a national credentialing exam. Registered dietitians are food and nutritional professionals who provide counseling in maternal and sports nutrition as well as for vegetarians and individuals with heart disease, diabetes, eating disorders, and a host of additional medical diagnoses that are affected by a person's eating habits.

The American Dietetic Association is the world's largest group of food and nutrition professionals serving the public. The ADA is currently active in trying to get states, insurance companies and the federal government to allow for reimbursable "medical nutritional therapy," so that the public may benefit from health-promoting counseling to prevent and cure disease.

Thank you for the opportunity to inform you of the work of these professionals. -- MARY M. BILZ, M.S., R.D., RUTLAND, VT.

DEAR MARY: I have mentioned the American Dietetic Association in my column in the past. Although it didn't occur to me that a registered dietitian might also be able to help the mother of the little boy who refused to eat meat because of the cartoon he saw on television, it makes sense that an R.D. could offer valuable input to mothers of picky eaters. Thank you for the timely reminder.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)