DEAR ABBY: Though a frequent reader (after my wife), I've only now found reason to write to you, in response to the lady who feared her husband's habit of urinating on their lawn was inappropriate.

So it may be, but the fact remains that all men pee outdoors.

My best to you and continued good luck with your column. -- CHARLTON HESTON, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR CHARLTON: Thank you for the input. Your letter is but a drop in the bucket compared to the deluge of mail that has flooded my office since I printed that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter about the woman ("The Whiz-zard's Wife") whose husband urinates in the yard, I had to write. It's what I went through with my ex-husband for 13 years! I pleaded with him to stop, but his answer was that no one could see him because it was dark.

My present husband (now of eight years) did the same thing. He'd be closer to the bathroom in our house and still go out back to urinate in our yard after dark two or three times a week. When I gave him my opinion about it, he'd ignore it.

When we moved to our new home, we had a wooden fence built. I decided to teach him a lesson. When he continued to urinate in the back yard, I decided to do the same. He was shocked! He told me I had better not do it again. I told him that as long as he continued his behavior, I would do the same.

Abby, he has not urinated in our back yard since. Sometimes when they won't listen, you have to SHOW 'em. -- HAPPY WIFE IN FORNEY, TEXAS

DEAR HAPPY WIFE: Congratulations for having curbed your husband's spraying. I was intrigued to discover that some men consider it a form of conservation! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Marking our territory is only one reason for this age-old tradition.

Boys have long enjoyed distance, accuracy and creative urinary competitions: knocking leaves off the trees in the fall, drawing pictures in the winter snow, protecting young fir trees from hungry deer in the spring, and dousing campfires in the summer months are just a few highlights.

Some may deride this as small-minded male nonsense, but on a global scale, this ritual has significant benefits to our environment. The flush water we save is substantial. At 2.5 gallons per flush, a man urinating outside just once a day will conserve almost 1,000 gallons of water a year. If one-fourth of the men in the United States saved one flush per day, we'd save more than 4.5 billion cubic feet of water per year.

If you consider all the rainfall that's channeled into storm sewers from our streets and parking lots, we're returning valuable moisture to the soil by urinating on our lawns. At just one pint per day, American men could generate enough filtered ground water to cool the hottest passions among Washington, D.C.'s, elite. It would give the term "leak" new meaning. -- NATIVE OREGON STREAMER, TILLAMOOK, ORE.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with your answer to "The 'Whiz-zard's' Wife," whose husband urinates in their yard. You said you suspect the practice is not unusual. My husband doesn't do it, and my ex-husband didn't (except once when he was drunk). My father didn't, and I have never seen my neighbors do it. My husband says this guy is an exhibitionist. I say he's lazy and ignorant, despite his college education. My sympathy to his wife, who sounds like a classier lady than the jerk deserves.

However, I once knew a psychiatrist who confessed to occasionally "watering" the rubber tree in his outer office in this manner. I can't imagine why he disclosed this to me, unless it was to coax me into sharing personal secrets. -- ARIZONA ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE: I can't imagine why he did it, either. It could certainly discourage a patient from using the chair closest to the plant. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If your assessment of territorial urination is correct, that "dogs and cats do it to mark their territory, and the husband may be doing it for the same reason," then my husband has claimed the city of San Francisco from the deck of a hilltop restaurant, as well as many other cities from the balconies of hotels.

If this has to be psychoanalyzed, I would say it's a form of rebellion. It's one of the few things a highly educated, supposedly well-bred man can do today. My only advice to "Whiz-zard's Wife" would be, "Steel yourself -- the worst is yet to come." -- ANONY-MRS. IN MEDFORD, ORE.

DEAR ANONY-MRS.: You may be right. However, while urinating on one's own lawn might be a matter of personal preference, doing it off a hotel balcony could be a public nuisance, particularly to any pedestrian who happened to be below the balcony. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from the woman whose husband urinates on their front lawn. She asked if this was a "normal male ritual," and you seemed to agree that the practice was not unusual.

I am a male, and I do NOT urinate in my yard. I have never done this, and I don't know anyone who does. I can't think of any time this might be an acceptable practice, unless your front yard is 40 acres and you drive a slow tractor. Perhaps this woman should install a fire hydrant in her front yard and buy a leash.

Your comparison of men to dogs and cats who urinate to mark their territory is degrading and sexist. By the way, neutering does not stop a pet from marking its territory. -- TOM WILLIAMS, HENDERSONVILLE, TENN.

DEAR TOM: I beg to differ with you. I checked again with my veterinary expert, who tells me that although it doesn't always solve the problem, the FIRST thing an owner should do to stop a pet from "inappropriate urination" is to neuter it. (If that doesn't work, the owner may have to resort to drugs for the animal, which are not effective 100 percent of the time.)

I meant no offense when I made the comparison; however, if you were offended, please accept my apology.

Many readers wrote to comment on the letter from "Whiz-zard's Wife." I'll have more on the subject tomorrow.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You were right on in your response to "Wants to Be a Grandma in L.A."

When we decided to get married, my husband and I agreed that we would have no children. We informed our parents of our decision shortly after we made it. I know they were very disappointed. We firmly believe that having a child should stem from a desire to be parents, not from pressure from prospective grandparents or anyone else. To bring a child into the world for the sake of someone else's happiness or expectations is wrong.

It's possible that "Grandma's" children may not know how to tell her that they just don't want children and are using inability as an excuse. It's one that's been used successfully many times. Grandma should stop being a "yenta," and let her children live their own lives. -- A FAN FOR LIFE

DEAR FAN: Whether or not to have children is a private matter between husband and wife. So is whether to share their decision with others or keep it to themselves. Your families have earned your confidence, but not all families are so understanding regarding a couple's decision to have no children.

Read on for some suggestions that may help couples and prospective grandparents alike:

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Wants to Be a Grandma in L.A." She had no grandchildren and wanted to ask her son and his wife when they were going to start a family. My husband and I have three grown children in their 40s, and we also have no grandchildren, so I understand her feelings. I have some suggestions for her:

1. Concentrate on how fortunate you are to have children, and consider how sad your son and daughter-in-law must be to be unable to conceive and carry a pregnancy to term.

2. Learn about infertility. There are many good books on the subject, and if you learn more about the testing, various procedures for aiding conception, the emotional turmoil of infertility and the physical difficulties of conception, you'll come to understand what your son and his wife are experiencing.

3. Do not mention adoption to them. If they really want children, they'll have already considered it.

4. If you want a good relationship with your son and daughter-in-law, never discuss wanting grandchildren unless they bring it up and ask your opinion.

5. Stop dwelling on yourself and your fantasies. Find something useful to do that involves children. Many schools are crying out for volunteers to help a few hours a week.

6. If you and your husband are so desperate to have youngsters in your life, why don't YOU consider adopting? -- MARGARET IN ROSEVILLE, MINN.

DEAR MARGARET: You have offered valuable advice and I'm printing all of it. Infertility causes devastating emotional pain for the couples involved, and questions and comments, although well meaning, only add to the pain. If the mother-in-law pursues the subject, she will alienate herself from her son and his wife.

CONFIDENTIAL TO ECOLOGY-MINDED FASHION DESIGNER: In light of the following, perhaps you should reconsider your Earth-friendly designs:

There was a young girl from St. Paul

Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.

But the dress caught fire

And burned her entire

Front page -- sporting section -- and all.

(Bennett Cerf)

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)