DEAR ABBY: I have a message I would like to pass on to teen-agers. I hope you will print it.

Young people, that first beer may carry a cost far higher than the $5 you pay for a six-pack. Let me tell you what beer cost me:

1. A career in the Air Force because after six years, I wanted to drink beer instead of report for duty.

2. An accounting career because I stole from my employer to buy beer.

3. A close relationship with my parents and sister because they don't drink.

4. A son and daughter. They have refused any contact with me for 11 years. I last tried to talk with them in October 1997, but they wanted no part of me.

5. A close relationship with my wife and another son because my wife doesn't drink.

6. Friends. I used and abused them until they had enough and cut me off.

7. A secure future. I'm 53 with no savings, assets or insurance.

8. My driver's license.

9. Medical care. I fear what a doctor may find.

10. My self-respect. I'm a loser and there's no reason to be sober.

In the 1970s I attended AA and stayed sober for two years, but it didn't last.

Thirty-three years ago when I drank my first beer, I had dreams and plans. I had no idea that I'd be a common laborer and a drunk in 1998. Before you start drinking, think where it may land you in 33 years.

Abby, I am one of the lucky ones. You may ask why I think I'm lucky. Well, I'm alive and my drinking hasn't killed anyone -- yet. I wish there were a foolproof cure, but there's not, so the only way to avoid ending up like me is to never risk drinking that first beer. Believe me, it's not worth it.

You may use my first name, but please don't use my last name because I don't want to embarrass my family any further. -- DONALD IN FLORIDA

DEAR DONALD: Your letter is quite sobering. I hope it will prompt every young person who is tempted to try a beer to carefully consider the consequences. I urge you to return to AA or some other treatment program. Many people have successfully beaten this addiction, and you can too, if you get help.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. He has a 42-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. She has been married twice and has three sons. She forced her second husband to pay for her college education, and then she dumped him.

Now this daughter is ready for graduate school and has dropped several hints that we should pay for it. My husband is 62 and retired. I run a home-based sewing business so we don't have to dip into our savings to supplement our limited income. Yet this middle-aged daughter thinks WE should pay for her education.

Abby, what should my response be in this situation? -- ON PINS AND NEEDLES IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ON PINS AND NEEDLES: Tell her no, and if she asks why, don't embroider the truth -- simply say, "We can't afford it."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: One of my best friends (I'll call her Peggy) has betrayed me. There was an opening for a position at my place of employment that paid more than the job she had. Peggy asked if I would help her get the job.

After attempting to put her off, and against my better judgment, I agreed to help Peggy because she had always been responsible at work. I spoke to the supervisor of the department and told her how reliable my friend was, so she agreed to interview her.

Abby, based on my recommendation, Peggy was hired, but after only four days, she decided the job was not for her and she quit.

Should I apologize to my supervisor? I know I'll lose respect from my co-workers because of what Peggy did, and I'd like to regain it. Am I justified in being angry with Peggy, and should I say something to her, too? -- EMBARRASSED AT WORK

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Since you went to bat for your friend, it would be in your best interest to apologize to your supervisor for the lemon you recommended. And you would not be out of line if you told Peggy that her irresponsible behavior damaged your credibility and embarrassed you. Next time, listen to your intuition.

DEAR ABBY: I am the divorced father of a 7-year-old daughter. I'll call her Gloria. I have custody of Gloria every Thursday and every other weekend, but it's not often enough. However, "Lois," her mother, will not agree to give us more time together. Lois, by the way, has newborn twins. I think she's spending so much time with them that Gloria is getting too little of her mother's attention.

Abby, my daughter cries constantly and begs to spend more time with me. We have a great relationship and love each other very much. It breaks my heart to drop her off at her mother's home, and Gloria never wants to leave me. I remarried right after the divorce and my second wife is due to deliver our first child in a few weeks. I think the new baby about to join our family may have upset Gloria. Perhaps that's the reason for her tears. I worry that my beautiful daughter will become a problem child in need of therapy.

A few days ago, before I dropped Gloria off at school, I mentioned that I had a "tummyache." She worried about me all day, terrified that I would die. When Lois picked her up after school, the teacher told her that Gloria was crying because of me, so Lois called and screamed at me for upsetting Gloria. I spoke to my daughter on the phone and calmed her a little bit, but she was still worried.

I suggested again to Lois that Gloria be allowed to spend more time in my home, but Lois screamed, "It's too disruptive!" She's extremely stubborn when it comes to Gloria and will not listen to a word I say.

Abby, I'd give my life to save Gloria's, and now I ask myself why I didn't remain in my marriage, despite my unhappiness, so that I could be a full-time father to my precious daughter. But I didn't, so now what do I do? -- DESPERATE DAD

DEAR DESPERATE DAD: Now you go back to court and make a formal request for more time with your daughter. In the light of what you told me, I hope the judge will be sympathetic.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old professional woman dating a 22-year-old police officer. In recent weeks, our level of communication has dropped. He tells me his schedule has been hectic and he has not been able to return my calls. Sometimes I don't hear from him for days.

When we began dating, we spent a lot more time together, but lately our togetherness has dwindled to almost nothing. He blames his work schedule. I want to believe him, but my friends say he's not being truthful with me and I should dump him. They say if he really wanted to call me, he would find a way.

Abby, I think his profession makes their conclusion invalid, but I'm not sure. What do you think? -- UNSURE IN UPLAND

DEAR UNSURE: I suspect your friends are correct. While your boyfriend may not be able to return your calls during duty hours, even police officers have some time off.

Ask him to be honest with you about his feelings so you'll know where you stand. Once you know, you can decide how to proceed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble getting my mind off this problem. My wife passed away four months ago. She dearly loved flowers, and everyone in the family knew it. I was very disappointed that with 35 relatives attending her funeral, only six sent flower arrangements.

I'd like to know the proper procedure for flowers at a funeral. If you attend the funeral, perhaps you don't need to send flowers. I have been to three funerals since my wife's death and sent flowers to each one. Please answer my letter to ease my mind. -- MOURNING IN TEXAS

DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved wife.

To answer your question, there is no "requirement" that those who attend the funeral must send flowers. It's a matter of personal choice. The trend at funerals in recent years has been away from masses of flowers. Often the family will request that in lieu of flowers, a contribution in memory of the deceased be made to a charity, hoping something positive will result from their loss.

If it's any comfort to you, in my opinion six floral arrangements were appropriate tributes to your wife's fondness for flowers.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on two letters that have appeared in your column: one, from "The Last Nice Guy," whose 18-year-old girlfriend cheated on him while she was on vacation, and the other from "Feels Confined in Pacifica, Calif.," whose 19-year-old girlfriend is jealous when he wants to spend time with his friends.

Abby, they BOTH need to find out that true love is built on trust!

I would like to remind "Nice Guy" that if the woman would cheat on you now, she could also cheat on you in the years to come, after you are married with children. There ARE nice women out there who want to find a nice man. I found one. And I'm sure that you'll eventually find a nice woman to spend your life with.

To "Confined," I'd like to say, this gives you an excellent opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your girlfriend. Be completely honest and kind, but tell her what you told Abby -- that you care for her, but you occasionally need time by yourself. If she's a woman worth keeping, she'll understand. -- BEEN THERE IN PUEBLO, COLO.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)