DEAR ABBY: I am a female in my mid-40s, involved with a 50-year-old man. We were co-workers for 10 years, but we no longer work together. Our relationship began before I left the job.

Now that we're seeing more of each other, I'm getting glimpses of a side of him I didn't know existed. His attitude toward women disturbs me. For example, he recently remarked, "I can take getting into an argument with a man better than I can take an argument with a woman." When I asked him why, he retorted, "Because a man is my equal. But to have to listen to a lot of 'guff' from someone who's a second-class citizen and can never be my equal is ridiculous."

Abby, I was shocked. I found his remark offensive to say the least. Now I'm wondering whether this relationship stands a chance. What do you think? -- L.B. IN BALTIMORE

DEAR L.B.: An intelligent woman such as you can do far better than a man who thinks you and all other women are second-class citizens. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, and this one will be hard to housebreak.

DEAR ABBY: You gave "Wondering What I'm Missing" -- the woman who married young and never had the chance to live life as a single -- good advice, as far as it went.

I was married fresh out of high school and had six children by the time I was 30. I was active in the community, but that didn't stop me from feeling that everything was happening to us as a couple and not to me alone. I discussed my feelings with my husband, and he suggested that I go to college and then enter the workforce. I began evening classes almost immediately.

After college, I joined my husband in business and we also purchased some real estate as an investment. I am now 60 years old, and unfortunately a widow, but I have a real estate portfolio, enough income to retire and travel, and time to spend with our 14 grandchildren.

We go around only once, so "Wondering" should do something to make herself feel important, and stop regretting that she's not single. She can be her own person if she wants to, in spite of being part of a couple, and a mother. -- ELAINE SCHORSCH, FEDERAL WAY, WASH.

DEAR ELAINE: That's sage advice. I hope that "Wondering" will take a page out of your book.

DEAR ABBY: I celebrated my 14th birthday last week. I was very happy with all the gifts I received. However, one thing is bothering me. My grandma, whom I love very much, gave me some movie guest passes. Later, I noticed they had all expired.

I have not told Grandma, and I don't know if I should. If I tell her, how do I do it without sounding rude? I've put off saying anything for fear of doing it wrong. Please help! -- NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

DEAR NOT SURE: I'm not sure either, because I don't know your grandma. Some grandmas would want to know, so they could replace the passes with valid ones you could use. Others might be upset and would prefer not to be told. Ask your parents. They will know what's best in your case.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to your answer to the 29-year-old woman who bought her own house, and now her mother is planning to move in with her.

Your advice to allow her mother to move in while she's going through rough times with the girl's father is only going to cause the daughter more grief when it comes time for her to move her mother out.

The problems of the parents are not the daughter's to assume, and once her mother has settled in, it will be impossible to get her out -- especially once she has her daughter to take care of her.

I recently divorced after 25 years of marriage. I could easily have gone back to my parents' or sister's home. Friends also offered their homes, but I decided to stand on my own two feet -- as that girl's mother must also do. She can find an apartment and be moved in a day. They will then have their own space, and the parents may work through their problems.

The mother should not be allowed to burden her daughter. -- JUDY IN ROCHESTER HILLS, MICH.

DEAR JUDY: I was shocked at the vehement disagreement that my answer generated. I had thought my advice was compassionate and a good compromise. Read on for a letter from a reader who concurs with my advice:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the 29-year-old who is reluctant to allow her mother to live with her made me want to scream, because of the all-too-common attitude shown in the letter. This young woman is a self-centered person who is used to getting her own way. She is lucky that her parents allowed her to stay in their home so long. She's delighted finally to be on her own at 29, but she should have been on her own long before now rather than living off her parents. However, her parents are to blame as well, for allowing this behavior.

I know this is very common, and we often blame the economy for children continuing to live with their parents at later ages; however, we should see this for what it really is -- avoiding responsibility. This young woman probably bought her own home with the money she saved by living with her parents.

Abby, she should not let her mother live with her forever, but a temporary place to stay is the least she could do to show her appreciation. -- SEEING IT CLEARLY AT 30, NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SEEING IT CLEARLY: I couldn't agree more. There is much truth in your conclusions. Thank you for speaking out.

DEAR ABBY: I buy all sorts of fancy pins to wear on my suits and blouses. I am uncertain which side I should wear them on. Since I am right-handed, I automatically put them on the left side.

When I get to my job, a co-worker always changes my pin because she says I'm wearing it on the wrong side. Please help. -- RIGHT OR WRONG IN CINCINNATI?

DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: I also wear my pins on the left side, and have observed that most women do so as well. I think your co-worker has a lot of nerve. Tell her that you have it on good authority that the left side is the right side.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Outcast," who was good to his family, but was treated badly by them, was correct and true. My husband and I have had the same problems. We sacrificed and worked hard to be successful, but we paid the price.

However, your second paragraph stating that perhaps the family will recognize themselves in your column and mend their ways won't work, believe me.

For years we were hurt and perplexed by unfair treatment by my husband's family. We tried to talk about our feelings and were ignored, or else they would smile and say nothing. The problems began to escalate. We finally realized that the problem was family jealousy, and it was incurable. Family jealousy and the pain it causes are the last dirty family secrets that should be exposed.

After much consideration, we asked ourselves if we would be better off with or without family, and how it would affect our children. We decided we would be better off without them. So, without harsh words, and without any more energy devoted to "why are we ignored?" we purposely drifted away.

It has been seven years since our last contact. Our lives are better, and there are no more hurt feelings and anger. We allowed his family to have their shallow victory and moved on. We deliberately left no forwarding address when we moved.

Our children are now happily married. We spend our time in volunteer activities, enjoying our grandchildren and with many devoted friends. Most important, we have each other.

Abby, there are some things that cannot be "fixed." My advice to "Outcast" would be to get on with their lives. If they do not want to break off contact entirely, make the contact infrequent. In other words, take the "Please Kick Me" sign off their rear ends.

Please discuss family jealousy in future columns. It is an ugly and destructive force that adversely affects children if not dealt with. That was our biggest worry as we began to understand why we were being mistreated. -- HAPPIER NOW IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HAPPIER: You and your husband made your decision regarding family relationships long ago, and I am not about to second-guess it. How sad that there are families who can't get along. I'm reminded of a quote by the author John Miller: "A family will hold together across the years if each member refrains from pointing the accusing finger."

DEAR ABBY: Since I've reached my 80s, my mail is full of ads for health products to help me live longer.

I once had many friends, all of whom were health vigilantes. They shook their heads knowingly as I avoided all strenuous labor and exercise. They made liquid out of good vegetables and spent fortunes buying all the latest supplements. They argued that "organic" was better and "natural" was best. I would tell them that snake venom, poison ivy and manure also were "natural." But they wouldn't listen.

Now my friends are all dead, and I have no one left to argue with. -- EDDY HILL, SHERMAN OAKS, CALIF.

DEAR EDDY: The secret to longevity may be a well-developed sense of humor. 'Tis said, "He who laughs, LASTS!"

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)