DEAR ABBY: This is in response to your answer to the 29-year-old woman who bought her own house, and now her mother is planning to move in with her.

Your advice to allow her mother to move in while she's going through rough times with the girl's father is only going to cause the daughter more grief when it comes time for her to move her mother out.

The problems of the parents are not the daughter's to assume, and once her mother has settled in, it will be impossible to get her out -- especially once she has her daughter to take care of her.

I recently divorced after 25 years of marriage. I could easily have gone back to my parents' or sister's home. Friends also offered their homes, but I decided to stand on my own two feet -- as that girl's mother must also do. She can find an apartment and be moved in a day. They will then have their own space, and the parents may work through their problems.

The mother should not be allowed to burden her daughter. -- JUDY IN ROCHESTER HILLS, MICH.

DEAR JUDY: I was shocked at the vehement disagreement that my answer generated. I had thought my advice was compassionate and a good compromise. Read on for a letter from a reader who concurs with my advice:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the 29-year-old who is reluctant to allow her mother to live with her made me want to scream, because of the all-too-common attitude shown in the letter. This young woman is a self-centered person who is used to getting her own way. She is lucky that her parents allowed her to stay in their home so long. She's delighted finally to be on her own at 29, but she should have been on her own long before now rather than living off her parents. However, her parents are to blame as well, for allowing this behavior.

I know this is very common, and we often blame the economy for children continuing to live with their parents at later ages; however, we should see this for what it really is -- avoiding responsibility. This young woman probably bought her own home with the money she saved by living with her parents.

Abby, she should not let her mother live with her forever, but a temporary place to stay is the least she could do to show her appreciation. -- SEEING IT CLEARLY AT 30, NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SEEING IT CLEARLY: I couldn't agree more. There is much truth in your conclusions. Thank you for speaking out.

DEAR ABBY: I buy all sorts of fancy pins to wear on my suits and blouses. I am uncertain which side I should wear them on. Since I am right-handed, I automatically put them on the left side.

When I get to my job, a co-worker always changes my pin because she says I'm wearing it on the wrong side. Please help. -- RIGHT OR WRONG IN CINCINNATI?

DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: I also wear my pins on the left side, and have observed that most women do so as well. I think your co-worker has a lot of nerve. Tell her that you have it on good authority that the left side is the right side.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Outcast," who was good to his family, but was treated badly by them, was correct and true. My husband and I have had the same problems. We sacrificed and worked hard to be successful, but we paid the price.

However, your second paragraph stating that perhaps the family will recognize themselves in your column and mend their ways won't work, believe me.

For years we were hurt and perplexed by unfair treatment by my husband's family. We tried to talk about our feelings and were ignored, or else they would smile and say nothing. The problems began to escalate. We finally realized that the problem was family jealousy, and it was incurable. Family jealousy and the pain it causes are the last dirty family secrets that should be exposed.

After much consideration, we asked ourselves if we would be better off with or without family, and how it would affect our children. We decided we would be better off without them. So, without harsh words, and without any more energy devoted to "why are we ignored?" we purposely drifted away.

It has been seven years since our last contact. Our lives are better, and there are no more hurt feelings and anger. We allowed his family to have their shallow victory and moved on. We deliberately left no forwarding address when we moved.

Our children are now happily married. We spend our time in volunteer activities, enjoying our grandchildren and with many devoted friends. Most important, we have each other.

Abby, there are some things that cannot be "fixed." My advice to "Outcast" would be to get on with their lives. If they do not want to break off contact entirely, make the contact infrequent. In other words, take the "Please Kick Me" sign off their rear ends.

Please discuss family jealousy in future columns. It is an ugly and destructive force that adversely affects children if not dealt with. That was our biggest worry as we began to understand why we were being mistreated. -- HAPPIER NOW IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HAPPIER: You and your husband made your decision regarding family relationships long ago, and I am not about to second-guess it. How sad that there are families who can't get along. I'm reminded of a quote by the author John Miller: "A family will hold together across the years if each member refrains from pointing the accusing finger."

DEAR ABBY: Since I've reached my 80s, my mail is full of ads for health products to help me live longer.

I once had many friends, all of whom were health vigilantes. They shook their heads knowingly as I avoided all strenuous labor and exercise. They made liquid out of good vegetables and spent fortunes buying all the latest supplements. They argued that "organic" was better and "natural" was best. I would tell them that snake venom, poison ivy and manure also were "natural." But they wouldn't listen.

Now my friends are all dead, and I have no one left to argue with. -- EDDY HILL, SHERMAN OAKS, CALIF.

DEAR EDDY: The secret to longevity may be a well-developed sense of humor. 'Tis said, "He who laughs, LASTS!"

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating this girl for a couple of months. When I first saw her, I liked her. When I got to know her, I fell for her. I wanted to spend every minute with her. We have so many things in common -- similar backgrounds, a love of books, authors and the theater. I like everything about her.

The only concern I have about this relationship is that I can't afford to pay for everything whenever we go out. Even though she only works less than part time and I work full time, I'll be broke soon with the way we're going. I don't want to ruin a potentially terrific relationship over money. What can I do? -- BROKE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR BROKE: Level with your girlfriend about the high cost of living in the city. If she is a "woman of the '90s," she will understand that dating expenses should be shared. You are fortunate to live in San Francisco. It's a wonderful city that offers many low-cost things to do. Be creative in your search for economical entertainment, and I'm sure the two of you can find plenty of affordable activities.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is to the mother who was hurt because she received a card from her son that he had created on a computer. I send computer cards only to people I sincerely care about.

I sometimes spend several hours choosing just the right graphic, the right words (usually I compose my own), and a perfect type style. I am 57 years old, and not only does this give me experience on the computer, it allows me to spend time thinking about the person for whom I am making the card -- remembering the things I admire about that person and our fun times together.

Abby, anyone can go to a store and purchase a card for a couple of dollars in about five minutes with no problem. My advice to the son of "Hurt Momma" is to buy 10 cards at one time, sign and address them, then mail them at the appropriate times. This takes no thought, and in my opinion, Momma doesn't deserve any! -- CAROL DUNN, FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR CAROL: I am delighted with the many original and creative computer cards that have arrived as a result of "Momma's" letter. One even had MY picture on the front! Read on for another reason that computer cards can be a lifesaver:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old who can't drive and whose parents work long hours and many weekends. No one is available to take me to a card store, but my computer is always here.

When friends or family members are having a birthday, I enjoy making a card for them. They love receiving them, too. I include little inside jokes or write a poem.

Just because it isn't a commercial card doesn't mean the card is not special. "Hurt Momma" should be grateful instead of hurt. The card came from her son's computer, but it also came from his heart. -- COMPUTER CARD LOVER, CAROL STREAM, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: In response to the column on pet peeve words, I submit my own creation, the following poem:

THOSE FOUR-LETTER WORDS

Some four-letter words offend me,

Whether by ear or in a book;

The ones that evoke the worst feelings in me

Are: iron, dust and cook!

-- PATRICIA YONKOSKE, BARNESBORO, PA.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)