DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Beth," and I are being divorced, and until recently, things were cordial and polite. At first, she was going to remain here in Oregon and allow me convenient access to our daughter, Cathy, who is 6 years old.

Beth tried for three years, with little success, to get her own business going here in Oregon. I must admit that she's tried hard. Now she has received an offer to relocate to Florida and live in the home of a male friend while he is away in the Navy for the next few years. She is involved in a multilevel business and her "up-line," who lives in Florida (not the person who owns the house), has promised to get her set up and on her feet. She's planning to move before the end of the summer.

This morning I asked Beth if she'd consider going to Florida alone for the first six months to see if she likes it. She rejected the idea.

I am staying with my parents now, and they are really upset about the idea of Cathy leaving. My mother wants me to fight it. They love their granddaughter and see her quite often.

Abby, I want this divorce to be amiable. It was, until Beth decided to move to Florida. I suppose if she does move and gets her life together, I could move to Florida to be close to our daughter.

Should I try to control my animosity and allow Beth to go to Florida and tell my parents to butt out? Or should I try to force her to stay here in Oregon? I'm certain that deep down Beth knows that taking Cathy 3,000 miles away is wrong, but she feels she must do it for reasons of self-esteem and economics. -- HEARTBROKEN IN OREGON

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your soon-to-be-ex-wife has legitimate reasons for moving to Florida, and your daughter is at an age when she still needs her mother, so let her go without an ugly fight. I think your idea of eventually relocating to Florida in order to be near Cathy has merit.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Exhausted in Tacoma," who was perturbed with her hospital roommate's visitors, disturbs me. First she said how sick she had been at the hospital and how rude her roommate's visitors were; then she was well enough to get up and go home. Abby, just how sick was she? As a registered nurse with 30 years' experience, I can tell you she doesn't sound very sick to me.

If she had been in the hospital as many times as she claimed, why did she go to the emergency room instead of having her own physician admit her? Also, she should have known enough about hospital procedures to have the floor nurse quiet the visitors down. She should also have known to ask for another gown to cover her backside, or how to use a robe or sheet to drape around herself to go to the bathroom.

I can't be sure without all the facts, but I'm guessing that "Exhausted" is a typical hypochondriac trying to get a few days in the hospital complete with "maid" service by her nurses, while her insurance pays for this "vacation."

No one who is truly sick gets up and leaves for the reasons she gave. And if rest at home was better than what she could get in the hospital, why didn't she just stay home in the first place? -- FRED HOLT, R.N., ENGLEWOOD, FLA.

DEAR FRED: Your reasoning, based on many years of experience, makes sense to me. However, without all the facts, I cannot call that reader a fake, for hers is not the only letter I have received complaining about visitors in hospitals.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Rick (not his real name) and I were attracted to each other the moment our eyes met. I am 24, Rick is 30. On our third date, we ended up in bed at his apartment.

Abby, I was so disappointed. He fizzled out in the middle of a very exciting moment. Then Rick explained that he has been unable to function with any woman who is not a redhead. He told me he liked me a lot, and asked me if I would dye my hair red. I am heartbroken. I like Rick very much, but I am very dark- complexioned and feel that my black hair is far more appropriate than a thatch of red hair.

Abby, do you think he's telling the truth? Are there really men who can function sexually only with women with a certain color hair? -- NAMELESS IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR NAMELESS: Perhaps. From your description, it appears more like a case of first-night jitters than a hair color preference. An honest conversation about his needs and yours is in order. The question is less about whether you can conform to his needs, than can he conform to yours.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for "Hurting in Whittier, Calif.," who thinks that wrinkles on her face are keeping her from getting a second look from men. There is nothing that will make people respond to her more than a sincere smile. It will make her wrinkles essentially disappear. Not only will it make her feel good, it will brighten the day of everyone she greets.

Abby, there is no guarantee that having a man in her life will make her feel any better. Believe me, I have had more to smile about since my husband of 27 years left town with another woman. I look younger, feel younger, and my morale has improved 100 percent. I have the same wrinkles I had when he was here, but no one notices them because I smile so often.

To paraphrase a quote from Nathaniel Hawthorne: "Happiness is like a butterfly -- the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and softly sits on your shoulder."

I hope "Hurting in Whittier's" shoulders will soon be loaded with butterflies of happiness. Sign me ... ALONE BUT NOT HURTING NOW, DANVILLE, KY.

DEAR ALONE: I'm printing your letter because many readers can benefit from your uplifting message. As the lyrics from a song in the Broadway musical "Annie" say: "You're never fully dressed without a smile!"

DEAR ABBY: What can I do when I am graciously treated to a restaurant meal by a friend or colleage, and when the bill comes, an inappropriate tip is left for the server?

I am embarrassed if we have received good or exceptional service and yet my dining companion leaves only a 10 percent tip, or less.

Whether it's an oversight, lack of appreciation for the 15 to 20 percent rule, or a lack of math skills, I feel compelled to supplement the tip out of my own pocket if I think the server deserves more. How can I do this without offending my host or hostess? -- WELL-FED IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR WELL-FED: There is no need to offend or embarrass your host by calling attention to the small tips that shortchange a server, so as you leave the table, leave your tip as inconspicuously as possible.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just roared at the letter from "Turkeyless in Arkansas." I couldn't stop laughing, so I sat down and wrote my own version -- from a woman's point of view. It's titled, "Men Are From the Forest; Women Are From the Mall."

Hope you enjoy it. -- ANN IN MANZANITA, ORE.

DEAR ANN: Not only did I enjoy it, so will my readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have the most handsome boyfriend in the world -- and the nicest, I thought, until I realized that "Ben" does not understand or respect my favorite activity: shopping.

Yesterday, my friend and I took Ben shopping with us, so he could understand the appeal. I explained everything to him the night before, but shopping day was a disaster. He was not up at 4:30 to be first in line. He poked around and refused to wear the shopping attire I had given him -- comfortable shoes and a backpack. In the shops, he refused to cooperate. His critical attitude attracted embarrassing attention from other shoppers. To top it all off, when I made a purchase, he would throw up his arms and scream, "Run, Visa Card! Run!"

My friend could not stop laughing. I was so angry I haven't been able to speak to him since. Abby, how could this man be so insensitive to my feelings? Now I am no longer sure this relationship is such a good idea. Ben is good-looking and has a great career, but is this relationship worth saving? I'm not giving up my shopping excursions. -- PURCHASELESS IN OREGON

This is Abby again. I couldn't resist writing an answer.

DEAR PURCHASELESS: If you're been buying what Ben has been "selling" -- how can you call yourself "purchaseless"?

Whatever his masculine appeal might be, Ben is clearly not someone who's likely to develop a love for shopping.

If your ideal man is one who enjoys rising at 4:30 a.m., putting on sensible shoes and carrying a backpack so you don't have to carry your own packages, you are shopping in the wrong department.

Ben may look like a prize -- but he's no bargain. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I couldn't believe your answer to "Turkeyless in Arkansas."

Gwen is being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it and then expected to show respect to the person giving the orders, and you call HER a turkey! I thought the "Me Tarzan, you Jane" mentality was a thing of the past. Nowhere in the letter does the turkey hunter say he asked Gwen if she WANTED to go hunting, and nowhere do I see where he listened to her reply. That brainless turkey hunter needs to quit sniffing his face paint and realize that Gwen is using passive aggression to make the point of her disdain for his sport and his lack of communication skills.

Beauty and an ability to cook are poor reasons upon which to base a relationship. If "Turkeyless" wants a relationship, not only does he need to learn to communicate better and listen, he should look for common interests rather than expecting Gwen to kowtow to his. -- A GROUSE HUNTER IN MINNESOTA

DEAR GROUSE HUNTER: Gwen wasn't hog-tied and forced to go along on the turkey hunt. She could have refused the invitation.

The hunter wants a woman with whom to share his love of turkey hunting, and Gwen is definitely not that woman. So, for his purposes, she IS a turkey.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)