DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who has a boy, 11, and a girl, 8 1/2. They sleep together even though each has his or her own bedroom. They bathe and play in the tub together unsupervised with the door shut.

When one has to use the bathroom, many times the other one will run to use it, too.

I have been told that the boy puts his hands between the girl's legs when they play and wrestle -- and at other times.

It appears that all of this could go on for years. Is this behavior OK? Please don't tell me to talk to their mother. She doesn't take advice well. -- CONCERNED

DEAR CONCERNED: No, that behavior is NOT OK. This boy and girl should have been separated years ago, around the time they began showing an interest in each other's genitals. According to my experts, the kinds of activities you described are too sexually stimulating for children their age. Where is their mother's common sense?

DEAR ABBY: With all groups of friends, there is always the one unofficial photographer -- the person who never forgets to bring a camera and take pictures of all events. I am that person in our group of friends.

I love to take pictures and realize the importance of recording special times. Of course, everyone wants copies of these pictures. I usually make copies and give them to my friends. However, it costs me money to buy the film and batteries for my camera, and to develop the film and order extra copies. It would be very awkward to ask friends to pay for these pictures.

Here is my suggestion: For anyone who has that friend who is always giving you pictures, how about giving them some film? Don't say that you don't know what kind to buy; any camera shop can tell you what would be standard. What a nice treat to give to the person who so generously treated you many times.

Abby, many "photographers" will thank you for printing this. -- SNAPPING AWAY IN GREER, S.C.

DEAR SNAPPING: I've got the picture, and I'm pleased to share it with my readers. Now let's see what develops.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Mom in Denver," who asked what great moms do that make them great: My mother was a great mom, but I never realized it until after I graduated from college.

She always had dinner on the table, cleaned up after me and, of course, bought me most of the things I wanted that seemed reasonable. But what I remember most is that she was ALWAYS THERE for me. I was an athlete -- gymnastics, track, cross country -- in high school. I could always count on her being there. She'd drive five hours to watch a 15-minute race, then turn around and drive home. That is what I really remember.

I realize now that knowing my mom would always be there for me unconditionally made me secure and self-confident in a way that has carried over to my adult life. -- MELISSA IN SCOTTSBLUFF, NEB.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR READERS: Today is Father's Day, and I offer good wishes not only to fathers everywhere, but also to those caring individuals who are donating their time mentoring youngsters whose fathers are absent or deceased.

On Mother's Day, I printed a poem titled "The Reading Mother" by Strickland Gillilan. It reminded me that a few years ago, Hilda Bigelow, a retired teacher in Cocoa, Fla., wrote a companion poem honoring her father on his day. Read on:

FATHER TALKED TO ME

I had a father who talked with me --

Allowed me the right to disagree.

To question -- and always answered me,

As well as he could -- and truthfully.

He talked of adventures; horrors of war;

Of life, its meaning; what love was for;

How each would always need to strive

To improve the world, to keep it alive.

Stressed the duty we owe one another,

To be aware that each man is a brother.

Words for laugher he also spoke,

A silly song or a happy joke.

Time runs along, some say I'm wise;

That I look at life with seeing eyes.

My heart is happy, my mind is free,

I had a father who talked with me.

Many readers also have asked me for a prayer in memory of a father who is no longer living. The following is a prayer from my Hebrew Union Prayer Book, the one that is recited on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. It is also available in my "Keepers" booklet:

IN MEMORY OF A FATHER

"Thy memory, my dear father, fills my soul at this solemn hour. It revives in me thoughts of the love and friendliness which thou didst bestow upon me. The thought of these inspires me to a life of virtue; and when my pilgrimage on Earth is ended and I shall arrive at the throne of mercy, may I be worthy of thee in the sight of God and man. May our merciful Father reward thee for the faithfulness and kindness thou has ever shown me; may he grant thee eternal peace. Amen."

DEAR ABBY: Being a good parent is the hardest job in the world. Sometimes we succeed; sometimes we fail. You had a poem in your column once on how to measure success as a parent. Would you please run it again? -- A WEARY FATHER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WEARY: This should cheer you up.

SUCCESS

by Martin Buxbaum

You can use most any measure

When you're speaking of success.

You can measure it in fancy home,

Expensive car or dress.

But the measure of your real success

Is the one you cannot spend.

It's the way your kids describe you

When they're talking to a friend.

Happy Father's Day!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Hi! I'm a high school teen-ager from a little town in Washington state. This is the first time I have written to you. I hope you can give me some good advice.

I love sports, and my school has a code that if we get caught at a party where there is drinking or drugs, we get kicked out of sports. My life would really be over if that happened to me.

My problem is that I don't drink and everyone else in this small town does. It seems to me that I get pushed away by my friends because I don't drink.

I had a friend for about eight years, and during our sophomore year, he started to drink. This was when we stopped talking. I went my way and he went his. During basketball season, he got caught at a party and was kicked off the basketball team along with some other players. I felt bad for him, but I didn't know what to say.

Now everyone is out partying, and I'm home alone doing nothing, wishing I were out having fun with them. If I'm doing the right thing, please tell me why I feel that I'm being punished, and the people who drink are the ones out having fun.

Abby, can you give me some advice to cope with this stress? -- STRESSED-OUT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: The facts about teen-age drinking are disturbing, and don't be so quick to accept the myth that "everyone is out partying." Your peers are using this to pressure you to join them in their dangerous and illegal behavior. While it may appear that all your classmates are having fun, that kind of behavior is risky and sometimes carries a heavy price.

It may be difficult to stick to your decision to stay home while your classmates are drinking and doing drugs at parties, but trust me, it's the right decision. Fill your time with positive activities that will make your commitment more rewarding -- and might attract others who prefer drug- and alcohol-free socializing. I'm sure there are other teen-agers in your community who privately agree with and follow your policy of avoiding alcohol, but who are shy about speaking up in front of peers who might make fun of them.

Read the biographies of your favorite sports figures, invite others over to watch games on television, start a collection of sports memorabilia -- or help younger kids in your community develop their own athletic skills. Not only will this make you feel good about what you're doing, you'll win the admiration of others. You already have mine, for setting a good example and sticking to it in spite of peer pressure.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old divorced male who has read your column since I was a kid. After reading your response to "Turkeyless in Arkansas," I felt compelled to write.

I believe two "turkeys" have already been bagged. Gwen, for dating someone who apparently has zero comprehension of who she is, and "Turkeyless" for insisting his girlfriend like all the same activities he does.

Mutual interests are important in a relationship, but I'll take mutual respect and open, honest communication first and every time. I have several friends who are avid hunters, married to women who despise the idea. But they have strong relationships based on love for who each other is -- not what activities they each participate in.

If "Turkeyless" really wants to bag a record-size bird -- tell him to shoot a mirror. -- MICHAEL CURRY, DALLAS

DEAR MICHAEL: You are obviously a man with solid values and an excellent sense of humor. (And eligible, too!) I have a hunch that when this letter is printed, it'll be open season in Dallas.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)