DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are getting married in early September. We are both in our early 30s and this is the first marriage for both of us. We have been planning our wedding since last fall, and everyone, including a number of out-of-state family members and guests, is looking forward to sharing this special day with us.

Last month, my stepbrother decided to get married three weeks after our wedding. This is his third marriage in 10 years. My fiancee and I are upset that he is not taking into account the conflict this presents to our family and friends -- especially those who must make more than one set of travel arrangements. We are taking our wedding day and marriage very seriously and feel my stepbrother's impulsiveness is distracting everyone.

To top it off, we are planning a long honeymoon and weren't even supposed to be in town on the day of my stepbrother's wedding. I'm afraid we'll look like the "bad guys" for not showing up at his wedding. Should I tell our guests they do not have to travel twice in one month? Should we cut our honeymoon short? -- WORRIED GROOM, NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR GROOM: You need not cut short your long-planned honeymoon to accommodate your stepbrother's more recent arrangements. It is up to the prospective guests to decide if they can attend two weddings in the same month. Continue with your plans and change nothing.

DEAR ABBY: This is regarding the letter from the patient who objected to the questions she was asked by her doctor's receptionist. Patients should know that doctors, nurses and medical receptionists have heard everything. Nothing shocks us.

A receptionist frequently needs to know a patient's problem(s) in order to know which physician in the group should see him or her. Some problems are not seen by her physician and are referred elsewhere. But you were 100 percent right when you told the woman to discuss her feelings with her doctor during her next appointment.

In the middle of my solo G.P. practice (before I retired), I noticed that my patient load had dropped more than 50 percent in a very short period. When I investigated, I found my receptionist had informed patients calling for an appointment that I was fully booked for weeks, or I no longer saw new patients for various reasons. None of this was true.

When I confronted my receptionist, she told me she thought I was working too hard and should see fewer patients! I had never turned patients away, and I enjoyed seeing and diagnosing new patients and treating them.

From then on, I gave all patients a questionnaire inquiring how courteously and thoroughly my staff and I had treated them -- had they been given an appointment promptly, etc. No signature was required.

My philosophy has always been: Every doctor makes mistakes, but the better and more thorough the physician, the fewer mistakes are made. -- MARK H. HOPP, M.D. (RET.), GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR DR. HOPP: Regardless of how talented the health care provider, I suspect that the practice of medicine is like every other business in that the importance of good customer relations cannot be underestimated. However, in medicine it's called a good bedside manner -- even if the patient is vertical.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Today's news is filled with tragic events in the lives of many families, yet little is said about where families can turn for help. I would like to let you and your readers know about "Because I Love You" (BILY), a not-for-profit parent support group.

Parents come to our meetings with problems with their children such as substance abuse, running away, truancy, and verbal and physical abuse. Our goal is to provide the tools that reunite dysfunctional families. The courts, school officials and members of the medical profession refer families to us, but we are asking your help in letting more families in need know about us. Many families are in crisis, and BILY can help.

We hold meetings in many states and provide referrals to professional and non-professional resources such as rehab centers, shelters and other self-help groups. Our services are free. We have no paid employees, only concerned parents who volunteer their time and experience.

More information about Because I Love You is available on our Web site at: www.becauseiloveyou.org. Our e-mail address is: bily1982@aol.com, or send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to BILY, P.O. Box 473, Santa Monica, Calif. 90406. Thank you, Abby, for the wonderful work you do. -- DENNIS PONCHER, FOUNDER, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

DEAR DENNIS: I am pleased to help spread the word. I know that my readers who are experiencing problems with their children will benefit from learning about your organization. You provide an important service, and I wish you continued success.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Anonymous, Naturally," who complained about straggling shoppers who come in three minutes before closing time and expect to "shop the entire store." I encounter this situation at least once a week.

I also work in a busy department store. We have a public address system like the one you suggested. At 8:45 p.m., we start announcing that the fitting room is closing, and then repeat the announcement every five minutes until 9 p.m. Customers just keep walking through the store and continue shopping. When we remind them that the store is closed and offer to help them find an item, we get nasty, rude remarks or dirty looks.

People complain about how rude clerks are in stores. Well, maybe they should look at themselves. Some of them are unbelievably insensitive. Let them work one night in our shoes, picking up after their children, smiling while someone is in our face complaining that the lines are too long, or trying tactfully to let the customer know that the price tag they just switched to get a lower price is incorrect. I actually had a male customer tell me one night that he couldn't believe I was smart enough to catch it!

How do you get the message across to people like that, Abby? I could go on and on, but why? Most shoppers don't really care. All we want is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. -- JUST ABOUT HAD IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR JUST: I was astonished at the number of letters I received from salespeople telling similar stories. I would like to think that most shoppers really DO care, and exhibit courteous manners.

If the problem is as widespread as all of you indicate, it may not be resolved until store owners shut down their computers at closing time, and inform customers that their purchases will have to be rung up the next day. It is management's job to strike the balance between being consumer-friendly and being fair to staff.

I wonder how many store owners are as interested in protecting their employees as they are in making last-minute sales.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a teacher who supervises the playground. A group of other students and I usually prefer to sit and talk during recess.

We were talking about the newspaper, and somewhere in the conversation, your name came up. This teacher overheard us, and said that our conversation was inappropriate. She said "Dear Abby" deals with adult issues, and that we're not allowed to talk about those things.

Abby, do you consider yourself as dealing with only adult problems, or problems concerning people of all ages? She also won't let us talk in private. What should we do about her? (Remember, she IS a teacher.) -- ANNOYED IN L.A.

DEAR ANNOYED: Under no circumstances should you be disrespectful to this teacher. She probably means well, but she is mistaken. Although my columns usually deal with adult issues, they are meant for children as well as adults, and are written in language that people of all ages can understand. In fact, I'm told that my column has been used in classrooms to encourage discussions on topics such as drinking and smoking, and to spark interest in class activities such as writing to people in the military at holiday times.

You and your friends should go to your principal as a group and ask what the school's policy is about discussing items you've read in the newspaper. Clip this column and take it with you.

DEAR ABBY: Just before Easter, you printed a warning about giving baby animals to children as Easter gifts. Perhaps this will reinforce that message.

Last June, we were driving through a park when we found an abandoned young white rabbit. We stopped and picked her up. Needless to say, we kept her. We named her June.

Two months later, my husband brought home a small brown rabbit. The occupants of a house down the street had left her behind when they moved out. The cleaning crew found her there -- with no food or water -- and took her around the neighborhood trying to find a home for her. When they came to the door of my husband's business and asked if he would take her, he agree. We named this rabbit August.

Abby, these two helpless creatures were fortunate to have been rescued. I wonder how many other animals were "ditched" after the holiday was over. Thank you for reminding your readers that these animals are living creatures and need care. If anyone is unsure that an animal will receive the care it needs, I hope they will buy a stuffed toy animal (as you suggested) instead. -- KATHLEEN C. LINNENBRINK, WASHINGTON, MO.

DEAR KATHLEEN: I hope so, too. People who abandon pets sometimes do it in the mistaken belief that the animals will quickly adapt to being on their own. In far too many cases, that's not true, and the animal dies of starvation, disease or is struck by an automobile. Your long-eared furry friends were fortunate to have found their way to such caring people as you and your husband. Bless you.

DEAR ABBY: When you marry, should you address your new in-laws as "Mom and Dad" or "Mr. and Mrs." or by their first names? -- WONDERING IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR WONDERING: I wish all of the questions put to me were as easy to answer as this one: ASK the person how he or she prefers to be addressed.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)