DEAR ABBY: Memorial Day is being observed tomorrow, and it's shameful the disrespect that's shown our veterans both deceased and living. How many young people do you see at the ceremonies?

I have attended services that were held next to parks. The loud radios kept playing and the ball games never stopped when the flag was being raised, the speakers speaking and honors given.

Isn't it time that some history of our past wars be taught in our schools? Then, just maybe, citizens of all ages would begin showing a little respect for their country and fellow man.

I'm enclosing a summary of proper flag etiquette, Abby. You might want to share it with your readers. -- BARBARA J. McGHEE, SAN DIEGO

DEAR BARBARA: Your letter is certainly food for thought. And thank you for the rules of proper flag etiquette. I'm happy to pass them along to my readers:

FLAG ETIQUETTE

Our nation's flag is to be respected, never defaced or scorned. There are appropriate ways to show respect in the presence of the flag:

During the ceremony of hoisting or lowering the flag, or when the flag is passing in a parade or review, everyone should face the flag and stand at attention with their right hands over their hearts. Military members who are present and in uniform should render the military salute.

When not in uniform, remove your hat with right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart. Citizens of other countries should stand at attention. The salute to the flag in a moving column (such as a parade) should be rendered at the moment the flag passes. When driving a car on a military installation and "Colors" or "Retreat" (when the national flag is hoisted at 8 a.m. or lowered at sunset) is sounded, stop the car and wait until the ceremony has been completed. If walking, stop, turn toward the flag, and stand at attention with your right hand over your heart.

When the flag is displayed during the playing of the national anthem, all present except those in uniform should stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand placed over the heart. If not in uniform, you should remove your hat with the right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the right hand being over the heart. Persons in uniform stand and render the military salute at the first note of the anthem and hold their salute until the last note is played. When the flag is not displayed, those present should face the music and act in the same manner they would if the flag were displayed there.

DEAR ABBY: I support your advice to the young mother considering relinquishing her child for adoption, and I vehemently chastise the woman who disagreed with you, stating that the young woman would deeply regret giving her child away.

The young mother's possible future regrets are not the most important issue because they are not in the best interest of the child. Had my birth mother decided to keep me for fear she would regret it, I would never have been placed with the wonderful parents who raised me.

My birth mother gave me the precious gift of adoption. She selflessly looked beyond her own needs and desires to give me two incredible parents who provided me unlimited love and support. I hope someday to thank her personally, and let her know how grateful I am for her generosity.

I pray this young mother is willing to put her child's needs before her own and to decide what will benefit her son the most. Such a decision would never lead to regret. -- GRATEFUL IN NORTHEAST IOWA

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm sure you speak for the majority of adopted children.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: All my life, I've lived the way I was raised to live -- church every Sunday, living those commitments during the week, and holding family and marriage above all else. I have waited on my husband hand and foot, taken excellent care of our family, done all of the housework and parenting (he was always too busy), and did nothing without first thinking how it would affect the family.

After 25 years of my husband running around on me, I kicked him out. (My goal was to wait until the children were out on their own.) Now, he has started the most malicious (and untrue) rumors about ME. I'm sure it's to cover up his escapades. People in this small town are having a heyday with the gossip. I can't even go to the grocery store without someone making a snide remark or not speaking to me. I am crushed.

For years I worked with every organization my children were involved in, held offices, cooked, baked, ran errands, raised money and supported all of their efforts. I came to know a lot of people this way -- and they came to know me.

What happened to those friendships? Why are people listening to the gossip and feeling sorry for him? His mother, sisters and brother have all had extramarital affairs, and it has been well known in this community. (His brother's affair was plastered across the front page of the local newspaper as part of a murder trial.)

Why are people believing him now? Please don't tell me that time will fix everything. It's been six months and the gossip is getting worse. Obviously, I can't sign my name or hometown -- I don't want to even think about what gossip would result from it.

My husband saw a psychologist and a psychiatrist for two years. They urged me to throw him out because they felt he was dangerous. I've talked with them both, and they tell me to just hang in there and ride it out.

Abby, that's much easier said than done. Please help me. I have talked with my husband's ex-aunt at length. She tells me his uncle did the same things to her, and she feels the same way I do. Is there no end to this malicious gossip and hurt? -- LONELY AND HURTING

DEAR LONELY AND HURTING: Probably not until the gossips in your town find something else titillating to talk about. The problem with gossip is that it sometimes takes on a life of its own, becoming more outlandish the farther it travels from its source.

Unless you plan to leave the community, you are going to have to do what your husband's psychologist and psychiatrist told you to do -- ride it out. If you need an ally, your clergyperson could be a valuable one throughout this difficult time.

Bear in mind that people who make snide remarks, or refuse to speak to you without having given you a chance to defend yourself, were never your friends to begin with -- so you haven't lost anything. It's possible that those who are siding with your ex-husband are doing it because of his perceived status in the community, not because the gossip is believed.

People who are truly your friends will listen to you, support you and help you build a future. Although this is a bitter chapter in your life, it is only a chapter. It's not the whole story. Viewed in the proper perspective, this experience will only make you stronger.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old and would like to ask a favor. May I say thank you through your column to an inspirational speaker?

Dave Roever, a Vietnam veteran, came to our middle school in Sherwood, Ore., to speak at an assembly. His face had been badly scarred while he served in the armed forces.

During assemblies at our school, we are required to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. My friends and I have usually done this very carelessly, just to get it over with and move the assembly along faster so we can leave.

When Mr. Roever went to the microphone, he asked us to say the Pledge of Allegiance like we meant it. Then he talked about serving in Vietnam and the hardships encountered by our soldiers and the Vietnamese people.

He really made me think about our country, and how lucky we are to have liberty and justice for all. "Thanks, Mr. Roever." And thank you, Abby, for letting me say this to him publicly. -- ANONYMOUS STUDENT

DEAR STUDENT: I am gratified that young people are being taught the price of freedom, and that they are sufficiently intelligent to appreciate the sacrifices made by the members of the armed forces everywhere so that we may enjoy our liberty.

For those who may not have recited the Pledge of Allegiance in some time or may have forgotten the words, here they are. (I'll recite the pledge on Memorial Day, and hope that all my readers will, too.)

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I travel throughout the United States during the summer months. Because your readership reaches all across the country, I would like to make a simple request:

I love lemon in my iced tea; however, when ordering iced tea in a restaurant and requesting lemon, they invariably give me a slice of lemon instead of a wedge. Evidently the chef slices the lemons in the morning for decoration -- and everyone knows you don't get much juice from a slice. Have you ever tried to squeeze a slice of lemon? Yuk!

Don't you think it would be possible for restaurant chefs to cut a few lemons in wedges for those of us who enjoy the lemon juice in a glass of iced tea? I'm not a picky person, but I'd appreciate your help in educating a few restaurateurs.

Please don't sign my name, as my Mormon sisters would not understand why I am ordering iced tea. Sign me ... INCOGNITO

DEAR INCOGNITO: It would be a no-brainer for chefs to provide lemon wedges for iced-tea-loving patrons during the summer months, when iced tea consumption rises. And I'm sure that many of them will.

However, just in case you happen to visit a restaurant where the chef has overlooked it -- why not carry an emergency lemon with you? Or, if it's too bulky, consider taking along some small squares of cheesecloth so that you can wrap half a dozen lemon slices and squeeze them together. They would take up no more space than a handkerchief.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)