DEAR ABBY: I have a sibling who will not communicate with me because he is angry that I have power of attorney for our elderly mother, who is now in a nursing home. He is six years older than me. Two friends of mine have experienced the same painful problem; both tell me it is common.

I have gone out of my way to include my brother in decisions, saying HE can decide what money to use to pay Mother's bills: property? savings? CDs? He refuses to discuss any issues. I send detailed information about Mother's finances and care. He doesn't respond.

Since the immediate family lives several hundred miles from Mother, we continue to employ one of the nurses who cared for Mother when she lived at home. She visits Mother for extended times on a regular basis, and Mother really likes her. My brother has been unkind to this lady, refusing to speak to her when they meet in Mother's room.

I suggested to my brother that both of us be with Mother on her 90th birthday, knowing this would really please her. He refused -- or more accurately, he did not respond.

I am blessed to have a close family member who helps me regularly with Mother's care and financial decisions. She audits the checkbook regularly. This help and moral support make my situation bearable.

Oddly, I agree with my brother. I, too, think he should have had the power of attorney. He's smarter than I am, and he lives closer to Mother. I suggested as much to her several years ago, but she said, "No, I don't believe I want to do that." So, I do all the work and get no thanks. I don't mind the work, but I do mind the unkind treatment.

Do you have any suggestions? -- HURT BROTHER IN OHIO

DEAR HURT BROTHER: Only this: Keep accurate records of all transactions you make on your mother's behalf -- in case your brother decides to question your handling of her assets at a later date. And keep your distance. He is taking out his anger and jealousy not only on you, but also on others he perceives as being "close" to your mother. Trying to placate him won't help.

From your description of your older brother's behavior, I think your mother made a wise decision when she chose to give you the power of attorney.

Doing the right thing is not always pleasant. You are to be commended for being a dutiful son and for carrying out your mother's wishes.

DEAR ABBY: I am 68 years old and have been a fan of yours for many years. In a recent column, you mentioned that in some states, living together for a specific number of years constitutes common-law marriage. Would you be kind enough to publish a list of those states? -- J.D. IN TUCSON

DEAR J.D.: They are Alabama, Colorado, Georgia, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah and the District of Columbia. However, the legal requirements for a valid common-law marriage vary from state to state. In some of them, more than cohabitation is required. Therefore, any couple considering common-law marriage should consult an attorney before assuming that their union is legal.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to contribute the enclosed clipping from my local newspaper. Add it to your collection of good deeds; I cried when I read it. We see so many stories about bad kids in the media, such as children killing other children. This proves there are good kids out there, too. Sign me ... A BIG SOFTY IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR SOFTY: The article brought tears to my eyes, too. And I'm pleased to share it with my readers:

"We took four of our younger children to the Sheldon Community Center for an Easter egg hunt. Jessica is 9 1/2 and totally blind. She felt it was more fair to hunt with kids her age, rather than with younger kids. At first I wasn't sure this would work; there were many 9-, 10- and 11-year-old kids, gathered in a group, anxiously waiting for the horn to sound. Two girls went out on the field ahead of time. It took a little convincing by the head guy to get them back to wait with the others.

"The horn sounded, and the kids all ran out, picking up eggs like a huge street cleaner. Jessica had her cane ready, but it's hard to slide a cane back and forth on wet grass 'looking' for eggs. There weren't any eggs left for my daughter.

"A father and son were nearby. The boy reached into his small bag, took out a plastic egg and placed it near my daughter. She felt all around her and found the egg. Her face lit up as she placed it in her bag. The little boy then took out two more eggs and placed them around her. One could see the joy he felt in sharing with my daughter.

"Soon, more kids came along, each placing an egg near Jessica. It was hard for me to even thank the kids because my throat was tight and tears tried so hard to escape from my eyes.

"One child came along with a huge bag of eggs and reached down to grab one of the eggs Jessica hadn't found yet, one that was about two inches away from Jessica. Two of the other kids quickly said, 'They are hers!' She gently put the egg back within Jessica's reach. That young girl learned a little that day -- a little about herself, a little about sharing.

"As kids learn to reach out to others, at this young age, they acquire a habit that will last a lifetime. This warm feeling will spread from child to child and will truly help to make this a better world." -- LAHNA RASMUSSEN

DEAR ABBY: Long ago, my lovely wife solved the problem cited by "Frank B. in Chicago," who objects to his wife putting her hair in curlers before she goes to bed.

My Marge laid down the law before we were married: If I wanted her to look good the following day without using curlers the night before, I could jolly well pay for her weekly visit to the beauty parlor.

Expensive as it was at the time (we were only 22), I accepted. That's the way it has worked, to the satisfaction of both of us, for 53 years. -- WILBUR W. IN ATLANTA

DEAR WILBUR: Far be it from me to knock anything that has worked for 53 years!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a letter carrier. Spiders and bees and ants ... oh, my! These insects leap and fly out of mailboxes during spring and summer. Or, they are transported into my vehicle hiding between letters that I remove from mailboxes on my route.

Many people are allergic to the bites and stings, and the natural reaction to a bee in your face, or a spider on your arm, can cause traffic accidents.

Abby, please ask your readers to give mail carriers a break by putting a few mothballs loose in their mailboxes or in a clean tuna can at the back of their mailboxes to keep these insects away. The mothballs should be replaced several times during the insect season. -- BALTIMORE FAN

DEAR BALTIMORE FAN: Thanks for the handy hint. I'm sure no one is happy to reach into a mailbox to find it inhabited by insects, so your suggestion will benefit not only mail carriers, but all individuals with outdoor mailboxes.

DEAR ABBY: Occasionally you print letters concerning photographs of an ex-spouse in family albums. I have found a solution to the problem and it works quite well for us.

I have six grown sons -- all married. Three have been divorced three or four times, so I have photographs of all my ex-daughters-in-law. I like all of them, and they treat me well. Naturally, I want to keep their pictures.

I bought extra photograph albums, then took all of their pictures and transferred them to the new album. The title on the cover is "Has-Beens." Everyone thought it was a cool idea, and now there are no more hurt feelings when they all come to visit me and go through the family albums.

Perhaps this idea will help others. -- DORIS A. VEILLEUX, WINCHENDON, MASS.

DEAR DORIS: An excellent suggestion! You are a practical woman. However, had you asked me what to call it, "History," "Closed Chapters" or "Canceled Contracts" might have been a kinder title.

DEAR ABBY: After 30-some years of reading your column, here goes:

The woman I love and I are both in our early 40s. I have been married once; she has not. She is living with her father, who is unable to care for himself and will not ask for assistance, and she will not leave him to marry me.

We tried living together, but her regular visits to her father (120 miles from here) prevented her from getting a full-time job. Abby, I love her and want to help, but her dad will not hear of it. He is in poor health, and she worries about him when she is away. I sympathize, but this gent has driven several wives away, and now he's a lonely old man.

I have waited for five years, but I cannot wait forever and would like to get on with my life. What can I do? -- STILL WAITING IN MONROVIA, CALIF.

DEAR WAITING: The woman you have loved for five years appears to have already made her choice -- it's Daddy, not you. Face the facts and get on with your life without her.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.