DEAR ABBY: I am a letter carrier. Spiders and bees and ants ... oh, my! These insects leap and fly out of mailboxes during spring and summer. Or, they are transported into my vehicle hiding between letters that I remove from mailboxes on my route.

Many people are allergic to the bites and stings, and the natural reaction to a bee in your face, or a spider on your arm, can cause traffic accidents.

Abby, please ask your readers to give mail carriers a break by putting a few mothballs loose in their mailboxes or in a clean tuna can at the back of their mailboxes to keep these insects away. The mothballs should be replaced several times during the insect season. -- BALTIMORE FAN

DEAR BALTIMORE FAN: Thanks for the handy hint. I'm sure no one is happy to reach into a mailbox to find it inhabited by insects, so your suggestion will benefit not only mail carriers, but all individuals with outdoor mailboxes.

DEAR ABBY: Occasionally you print letters concerning photographs of an ex-spouse in family albums. I have found a solution to the problem and it works quite well for us.

I have six grown sons -- all married. Three have been divorced three or four times, so I have photographs of all my ex-daughters-in-law. I like all of them, and they treat me well. Naturally, I want to keep their pictures.

I bought extra photograph albums, then took all of their pictures and transferred them to the new album. The title on the cover is "Has-Beens." Everyone thought it was a cool idea, and now there are no more hurt feelings when they all come to visit me and go through the family albums.

Perhaps this idea will help others. -- DORIS A. VEILLEUX, WINCHENDON, MASS.

DEAR DORIS: An excellent suggestion! You are a practical woman. However, had you asked me what to call it, "History," "Closed Chapters" or "Canceled Contracts" might have been a kinder title.

DEAR ABBY: After 30-some years of reading your column, here goes:

The woman I love and I are both in our early 40s. I have been married once; she has not. She is living with her father, who is unable to care for himself and will not ask for assistance, and she will not leave him to marry me.

We tried living together, but her regular visits to her father (120 miles from here) prevented her from getting a full-time job. Abby, I love her and want to help, but her dad will not hear of it. He is in poor health, and she worries about him when she is away. I sympathize, but this gent has driven several wives away, and now he's a lonely old man.

I have waited for five years, but I cannot wait forever and would like to get on with my life. What can I do? -- STILL WAITING IN MONROVIA, CALIF.

DEAR WAITING: The woman you have loved for five years appears to have already made her choice -- it's Daddy, not you. Face the facts and get on with your life without her.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "Ruth Daigen in Wantagh, N.Y." about her experience with 911. As a 911 operator, I'm proud that with your help her life was saved. I wholeheartedly agree with you that 911 should be used for emergencies only. Unfortunately, it is often abused.

Please, Abby, advise your readers to think before they dial. If we are responding to a call about a barking dog, the weather or someone who needs a ride, we may be unable to handle a life-threatening emergency. This could mean the difference between life and death. In the front of every phone book is a listing of non-emergency numbers for every local agency.

Do not use 911 as a "game." A prank call can cause someone to lose his or her life, and the penalty is a large fine. Children should be taught to use 911, but only in extreme circumstances. As parents, we don't think about getting hurt or becoming seriously ill, but it happens. With proper training, your 4-year-old could save your life.

We are here to help 24 hours a day. But remember: You are our hands and eyes. Give as many details as possible -- address, directions for getting there, and precisely what the situation is. Then be prepared to listen carefully. With the operator's help, you may save a life.

If you are unable to talk, keep the line open. We will listen, try to determine what kind of help you need and dispatch it immediately. If you have a serious medical condition, contact the office of your local 911 center and inform them in advance, making sure to give them the name of a contact person who has access to your home and can help us enter to reach you.

If you are on the road and use your cell phone to report an accident, be prepared to describe your location. Try to remember mile markers, exits, route numbers, road names, businesses that are close by -- anything that will help us determine where you are.

911 is many people working together: trained professionals, volunteers and the public. When we all cooperate, it works beautifully. If you need help, give me a call. You know my number! -- 911 OPERATORS EVERYWHERE

DEAR 911 OPERATOR: You have written an important letter. I'm printing it because everyone should be familiar with 911 and treat its lifesaving services with the respect they deserve.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I no longer love each other. He's a workaholic and refuses to talk anything out. He said that if I don't like it, I can leave.

He's been this way since day one. I haven't left because we have a 5-year-old son.

Abby, is it better to remain in a loveless marriage for the sake of our son, or would getting on with my life be better? We both want full custody, and I hate to put our son through a nasty legal battle. Neither will I give up my child.

What should I do? -- MISERABLE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MISERABLE: Offer your husband the option of marriage counseling in order to improve your relationship. If he refuses, then see a lawyer and get on with your life. The atmosphere you describe is not a healthy one in which to raise a child.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother and his wife have been through a month of pure hell because of something their son unwittingly did. He thought it was OK to have sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend because she consented. ("Joe," our nephew, is also 17.) They had been dating for a year and seemed to be very much in love. Their first sexual encounter was three months ago.

To his horror, he learned the hard way that it is a felony in California for a minor male to have consensual sex with a female who is under the age of 18 and is not his wife.

Our society has been teaching sex education and preaching safe sex. Young people have been lectured on the danger of contracting AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases, but educators and parents forget to reinforce the fact that sexual relations are against the law in some states if either party is underage -- even though both parties have agreed to it.

Abby, all it takes to land a young man in criminal court is for a girlfriend to become angry and seek revenge by crying rape, or for her parents to become irate and file a complaint. The boy can then be sent to juvenile hall, the boys' ranch or even the California Youth Authority.

We need to rethink our sex education programs to include the legal ramifications as well as the emotional and physical pitfalls. -- AUNT OF GOOD BOY IN TROUBLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AUNT: I agree; the legal consequences of sexual relations should also be taught in schools.

DEAR ABBY: Please print this. I have a long history of major medical problems, plus more hospitalizations than I can count.

Last week, for the first time in my life, I signed myself out of a hospital. I just couldn't take it anymore. Let me explain:

I had a medical emergency, went to the ER, and had to wait for three hours for a room in the hospital. I was exhausted by the time I got to my room at 2 p.m. Then I had to endure my roommate's reciting her medical history a dozen times to her endless stream of noisy, rude visitors. By 8 p.m., there must have been 20 people in the room. Not one of them had a thing to say that was worth listening to.

I couldn't get to the bathroom because it was on the other side of my roommate's bed, which meant I'd have to walk through (or pass) the crowd in a gown that opened in the back.

I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was go home where I could get some rest. I insisted that the nurse remove my IV so I could leave.

A word of advice for people who visit friends or relatives in a hospital: First, figure out what you want to say, say it, and leave!

I'm sure that patient's family perceived themselves as wonderful, warm, supportive family rather than the rude, selfish jerks they really are. -- EXHAUSTED IN TACOMA

DEAR EXHAUSTED: It would have been better had you asked the nurse to limit your roommate's visitors so that you could rest. You could also have insisted that visiting hours and visitor limitations be enforced. (Most hospitals have limited visiting hours and usually allow only one or two visitors at a time.) Or, you could have asked to be moved to another room. If you are hospitalized again, don't just lie there and take it. Assert yourself and make your needs known.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)