DEAR ABBY: My friend "Elaine" has a nephew who visits her often, but every time he and his wife stay overnight, she catches them going through her dresser drawers and desk.

Elaine has always been good to them, and even loaned them her car and travel trailer for their vacation. I am incensed that they nose around in her private belongings, and she's none too happy about it either. She's always happy to see them go.

Abby, what should Elaine say to them when they want to visit again? How would you handle this? -- CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: If Elaine feels obligated to entertain these nosy individuals, the least she can do to protect herself is to lock her desk and bedroom door while they are visiting.

Had I caught guests going through my personal belongings, I would have asked them to stop immediately, and guided them to another location in the house. It wouldn't happen a second time, because the next time they wanted to visit, I would tell them, "Sorry, it's not convenient at this time." And I would repeat it every time they had the nerve to ask.

DEAR ABBY: About five or six years ago, my Aunt Jolene sent me some homemade penuche fudge for my birthday. It was absolutely delicious.

When I called to thank her, she told me she got the recipe from your cookbooklet. She promised to share it with me, but kept procrastinating. The last time I asked her about it, she said she had lost the cookbooklet when she moved, and hadn't yet ordered another one.

I have a birthday coming up in a couple of months, and I would like to give myself a gift of that fudge.

Abby, would you please give me the recipe? -- HAZEL IN HAMPTON, N.J.

DEAR HAZEL: I'd be delighted. Alhough chocolate is my preference, the penuche fudge is wonderful for people who are allergic to chocolate. It is in my second recipe collection, "More Favorite Recipes," and very easy to make.

ABBY'S FAMOUS PENUCHE FUDGE

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar

1 cup packed brown sugar

1/3 cup light cream

1/3 cup milk

2 tablespoons butter or margarine

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 cup walnut pieces

Butter a 9-inch square baking dish. Butter the sides of a heavy 2-quart saucepan.

Combine sugars, cream, milk and butter in saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until sugars dissolve and mixture comes to a boil. Cook to soft ball stage (238 degrees on candy thermometer), stirring only if necessary. Immediately remove from heat and cool to lukewarm (110 degrees). DO NOT STIR.

Add vanilla and beat vigorously until very thick and mixture starts to lose its gloss. Quickly stir in nuts and spread into prepared baking dish. Score while warm, and cut when firm.

Makes 3 dozen 1 1/2-inch squares. (P.S. You'll diet next week!)

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend (I'll call him Timothy) was in special education classes all through school. He is very intelligent, but has a slight learning disability. Because of the way the educational system was set up, he was put into classes with students who had severe learning disabilities. He wasn't even taught addition and subtraction until his senior year.

Despite the odds against him, Timothy enrolled in community college. The lowest-level college classes are a huge jump from his high school classes and too fast-paced for him. He has talked with the counselors and tutors, but no one can help him. He has put much time and effort into classes, but still has made only failing grades. He blames himself for this, although it isn't his fault.

It breaks my heart to see Timothy's self-esteem dashed and his ambitions crushed. He is terrified of what his future holds if he cannot get an education.

Abby, aren't there classes for adults who never learned to read and write in school? Timothy can read a little, but not well. Where can I get more information for him? -- LOVES HIM AND WANTS TO HELP

DEAR LOVES HIM: Inquire at the high school about remedial reading classes for adults. Also, libraries usually have programs to assist adults and children with reading and writing problems. Perhaps they can refer you to tutors who volunteer their skills without charge simply for the love of helping those in need.

Another thought: Not everyone learns in the same way. Some people learn more easily when they hear a lecture, rather than from a book. Others learn faster when they see something demonstrated. A trade school may provide a less frustrating environment in which Timothy can learn. Another alternative might be a union apprenticeship program.

DEAR ABBY: Our bridge group has been together for more than 30 years. Our members have always been very supportive of each other. We do more than play cards; we socialize and travel together. In short, we're good friends.

For the last year or two, we've had a serious problem with one member of our group. She causes discord and irritates the rest of us. So far, we have avoided a direct confrontation with her.

Some of her annoying habits include constantly interrupting, repeating her own thoughts on what has just been said by others, complaining constantly about her neighbors and her health, loud belching, irritating loud laughter, keeping us waiting while she uses our phones without permission, and embarrassing behavior in public. I could go on and on, and her behavior is getting worse.

We have tried to solve the problem by joking about it, mildly insulting her or just ignoring her. But it doesn't seem to register, and she makes no effort to alter her behavior.

Aside from this, she is a very generous, good-natured individual, and we care about her. We feel she is "fragile," and several members of the group suspect she's mentally ill.

We'd like to salvage our relationship with her, but she's pulling the group apart. We avoid getting together because of her. We must do something if the group is to survive. Can you help us? -- HAD IT IN "SPADES"

DEAR HAD IT: Your bridge group has been together for so long that it would be a shame to ask one longtime member to throw in her hand. She may be having mental problems -- or she may have suffered a hearing loss as she has grown older.

Alert someone in her family to talk to her, or designate two or three of the club members to do it for the good of the group. The alternative is to slowly exclude her from your gatherings.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Saving the lives of animals worldwide is the goal of more than 1,000 shelters throughout the world, as they join together on the weekend of May 2 for Pet Adoptathon '98.

Across the United States and Canada, in England, France, Germany, Denmark, Venezuela, India, South Africa and Cyprus, animal organizations will stay open longer hours, host spectacular events, and do whatever it takes to find loving adoptive homes for as many shelter pets as possible. For foundling pets it is a chance at a wonderful new life. For potential adopters throughout the world, it is an opportunity to find a new best friend.

Since North Shore Animal League founded Pet Adoptathon in 1995, the event has been a continuing success. Last year alone, more than 17,000 animal orphans began a new and better life with folks who love and care for them, thanks to Pet Adoptathon. But there are still many pets in shelters waiting for just the right person to go home with. That's why North Shore Animal League is calling upon animal lovers everywhere to adopt a dog, cat, puppy or kitten at a Pet Adoptathon shelter on May 2 and May 3.

The league is dedicated to making Pet Adoptathon '98 the biggest and best ever for shelter animals everywhere. Please, Abby, urge your readers to open their hearts and homes to the many lovable orphaned pets who are available for adoption. Their lives depend on it. -- J. JOHN STEVENSON, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE, PORT WASHINGTON, N.Y.

DEAR JOHN: I'm pleased to share this information with my animal-loving readers. Wonderful animals are placed in shelters through no fault of their own, and adopting them is not only compassionate, but a sensible way to acquire a furry family member.

For the name of your local participating shelter, call the league's Adoptathon hotline: (800) 400-7729 or visit its Web site: www.nsal.org.

DEAR ABBY: "Mary" and I dated throughout college, but didn't become sexually involved until our senior year. She discovered she was pregnant two months before graduation, and we were married three weeks after we got our diplomas. We have been married 10 years and have two beautiful children.

We are both in good health and hold down full-time jobs. My problem is my sex drive seems to be increasing while Mary's is definitely decreasing. On a scale of 1 to 10, our sex life would probably be a "2" -- for twice a month.

We have discussed this problem and have even seen a marriage counselor, who suggested that I look for other things to bring satisfaction to my life. I took his advice and found a hobby I enjoyed. I also got more involved in sports and spend more time with the children. All of these things are rewarding, but I yearn for a more meaningful romantic relationship with my wife.

Please don't suggest flowers, candy, etc. I have tried them with little success. I even had an affair, and although the immediate gratification was nice, the guilt was intolerable.

I love my wife and would like our marriage to last. Abby, suggestions would be welcome. -- FRUSTRATED HUSBAND

DEAR FRUSTRATED: It is possible that holding down a full-time job and being a mother to two young children have left your wife with little energy for romance. Show her this letter, and suggest that the two of you get a referral to a licensed sex therapist, in an effort to recapture the magic you had earlier in your marriage. You are both too young and have too much invested in this relationship to allow it to wither.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)