DEAR ABBY: A column you published in 1977 saved my life. I was 4 years old and having dinner with my family. My father, sitting across from me, noticed that I was turning blue. My mother realized I was choking on a piece of potato. Just the week before, having read about it in your column, she had learned how to do the Heimlich maneuver. She performed the maneuver on me and successfully dislodged the potato.

Abby, please urge everyone to learn this technique. You never know whose life you may save. -- INGRID, WILTON, CONN.

DEAR INGRID: I'm delighted you reminded me how vitally important it is to know the Heimlich maneuver. Your family's experience says it all.

For those who are not familiar with the Heimlich maneuver, call your American Red Cross and ask for a schedule of classes or demonstrations. Remember to learn the variation for infants and children as well as the standard adult procedure. (Fees/donations for classes vary by location.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Examining Life in Ohio," who seemed to have a solid marriage, but didn't think she had married her "soul mate."

I am 60 years old and have had two husbands and six gentleman friends throughout the years. I have never felt the giddy, swept-away feeling of being "in love," and I've decided that's OK by me.

Too many young women marry someone who "turns them on" only to find out some years later after the passion wanes (and it does) that they've married someone who lacks the qualities to sustain a long-standing, loving relationship. Far too many women pass up perfectly good potential mates while waiting for "Mr. Right" to come along and light their fire.

I've talked to other women who also have never been "in love," so I know there are many of us out there. One of the things we seem to have in common is a logical, rather analytical way of thinking. -- DONE EXAMINING, WHITTIER, CALIF.

DEAR DONE EXAMINING: I have received a flurry of letters from readers who agree that a flaming passion is not the most important ingredient for a solid marriage. Read on for some input from the clergy:

DEAR ABBY: I am a pastor and have been involved in marital and premarital counseling during my 10 years of ministry. My experience has taught me that happiness and passion in marriages do not come from finding the "right" partner, but in BEING the right partner.

I once heard about a woman who was unhappy in her marriage and angry at her husband. When she went to her lawyer to begin divorce proceedings, she asked his advice on what she could do to really hurt her lousy husband. The lawyer thought for a moment, and suggested that for the next couple of months she love him and romance him with every ounce of her being, and once he was happy and fulfilled, she serve him with the divorce papers. "It will rip his heart out," the lawyer promised.

The woman followed his advice. Several months later she returned to the lawyer's office. He handed her the divorce papers to examine before serving them to her husband, and the woman replied, "I won't be needing them now. We're getting ready to leave on our second honeymoon." -- THE REV. SCOTT WOODDELL, FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR REV. WOODDELL: There is much wisdom in your letter. The secret to a successful marriage is two people willing to work and sacrifice for the happiness of each other.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm an avid reader, and each year I'm pleased to see you print addresses and information on how to write to members of the military who are stationed overseas. Believe me, it helps to receive mail when one is away from home. I spent nearly 12 years of my 20-year service career away from home and family.

I am the reunion coordinator for the first overseas unit in which I served during the Korean crisis, and I find it increasingly difficult to locate some members who have common last names. It would be a great service to other reunion coordinators, as well as former service members, if you would pass along the following information to veterans to learn when their former units will hold their next reunion.

Write to VETS at P.O. Box 901, Columbia, Mo. 65205 or call (573) 474-4444; or write to REUNIONS, VFW Magazine, 406 W. 34th St., Suite 523, Kansas City, Mo. 64111.

Thanks, Abby, for being a loyal supporter of servicemen and women, past and present. -- PAUL E. REPSHER, WINTER HAVEN, FLA.

DEAR PAUL: I am pleased to publicize the information, and hope the reunion you are planning is successful. Readers should also know that The American Legion and the Veterans of Foreign Wars magazines provide information about military reunions, help veterans find old buddies, and arrange reunions, travel and accommodations.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, you had a letter in your column about returning the engagement ring when the engagement is broken. You said the ring should be returned.

Abby, my question is who should be responsible for all the other expenses? Our daughter dated a young man I'll call "Harold" for a year before they became engaged. They planned their wedding for a year later. Harold called off the wedding because he wanted to date other women.

Abby, the wedding dress, decorations, flowers, hall, groom's ring, etc., had all been paid for. The bridesmaids had paid for their gowns, but our daughter reimbursed them.

Harold feels no obligation to share any of these expenses, although he was the one who wanted a big wedding.

Harold has asked for the engagement ring back, but he's not willing to pay half of the expenses, and I don't think she should return it until he has reimbursed us.

What do you think about this, Abby? -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR MOTHER: Since Harold refuses to reimburse you for any of the expenses, and a fair amount of money was lost, I suggest that you consult an attorney about the ring as well as his share of the expenses.

There have been lawsuits about this dilemma, and in some cases, the court ruled that the ring belonged to the former bride.

It is possible that a court of law will order Harold to ante up a portion of the expenses.

On the positive side, your daughter should realize how fortunate she is that he jumped ship sooner rather than later.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have waited for more than two months to write this letter, and many prayers have been said to Our Father to help me get it right.

I have traveled from the Southwest to the Northeast visiting nursing homes with family members and dear friends, as well as doing volunteer work in them years ago. I have seen people there with cancer, Alzheimer's, emphysema, and some who were just old and sick. The staff in some homes is not very kind to many of the lonely residents.

Please, Abby, urge your readers who want to do something worthwhile to volunteer in nursing homes. I have been there and heard the residents crying out for their family members by name all night. I would go up and down the halls and stop to pat them on the hand or brush their hair.

Please tell families to stay with the loved ones when their days are numbered -- or hire, ask or even beg someone to be by their side. Believe me, they are scared to death, and no medicine I have seen completely eradicates the pain.

My darling aunt, whom I loved dearly, died last Thanksgiving Day of cancer -- so beautiful, but so afraid of being alone. There was no way I could leave. She would say, "Please don't leave ... I'm afraid," and so I stayed.

Abby, I hope your readers will take what I've said to heart. After all, any one of them could be next. -- GRIEVING IN ORANGE, TEXAS

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my sincere sympathy for the loss of your beloved aunt. I'm hopeful your eloquent letter will move others to volunteer in nursing homes. Although there are medicines that can alleviate physical pain, the most effective cure for loneliness is caring human contact.

DEAR ABBY: Is the following happening all over the country, or is it just happening in the Southern states? I mean, females going all out to get a man.

My husband and I are retirees who have moved to Florida for our so-called "golden years," and this is the second time that this has happened. The most recent incident concerns a somewhat younger woman (a clerk in a food specialty shop) who used sexy conversation and spoken intimacies to attract my husband -- who will be 80 years old his next birthday, but doesn't look it.

I am afraid that if this business continues, I will use physical violence on this person. I don't know what to do otherwise. Please help me. -- R.L. IN WINTER HAVEN, FLA.

DEAR R.L.: Calm down -- there is no guarantee your husband is buying what she's "selling." A word to the owner of the shop should be sufficient to stop the problem. Or you can take your business elsewhere. Violence is not a viable option.

DEAR ABBY: The letters you receive about the kindness of strangers are always enjoyable to read. Let me take this opportunity to thank the gallant young man who, during an unexpected gust of wind, chased after my wig as it rolled across the library parking lot. Sign me ... NOW COVERED IN PHOENIX

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)