DEAR ABBY: I recently filled in for my husband's receptionist when she was ill. My husband owns the business and I know most of his employees, but this was the first time I had spent any time there.

Abby, doesn't America have a work ethic anymore? What happened to "a day's work for a day's pay"? I was astounded at the number of personal phone calls the employees received while on the job. I am not talking about short calls on breaks. There were as many as three calls in one day for a particular employee. Those were the incoming calls -- I have no idea how many personal outgoing calls the employee made. Not only was that employee's time used for personal business, but the receptionist had to take the calls, refer them and/or take a message. These employees do not consider how much of the receptionist's time they waste, not to mention time for which the boss is paying them.

Abby, this is plain stealing! Had they been emergency calls, I wouldn't have minded -- but calls to plan a party, discuss the highlights she wanted her beauty operator to put in her hair or to make a dinner date are out of line.

I can no longer feel friendly toward some of my husband's employees because of the way they are treating him behind his back. I told my husband, and he was appalled by what I observed. He said his receptionist had already mentioned it, but he had dismissed it and put off checking it out. After my report, he kept tabs on his staff for a while.

I hope my letter makes some employees see how they are hurting their companies. And I hope it alerts bosses to a potential waste of time on the job that robs customers of service and shareholders of fair profits. -- BOSS'S WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR WIFE: Using the telephone for personal business on company time is not uncommon. It is, however, dishonest and unethical. In a sense, taking time off the job to conduct personal business is theft -- since the employer is paying the employee for his or her time as well as effort.

If personal calls must be made during business hours, the honest thing to do would be to make them during the lunch hour or on break time.

DEAR ABBY: In regard to the letter about the man who shaved his mustache and his wife didn't even notice that it was gone.

My dad wore a "handlebar" mustache for almost 25 years. It was his most distinctive feature. One day when he walked out of the bathroom, my sister and I (both teen-agers) screamed in surprise, and then started laughing. He had shaved off his mustache with no forewarning at all!

However, when my mom first saw him, she didn't notice! She knew there was something "different" about him, but didn't realize it was the absence of the mustache that had been there for so many years. (She said it looked like someone had punched him in the face.)

Thank you, Abby, and God bless. -- STILL LAUGHING IN IDAHO

DEAR LAUGHING: That reminds me of an experience I had many years ago when my husband grew a beard. His was always neatly trimmed. One day out of the blue, he said, "Don't you notice something different about me?"

I replied, "No, but you look younger. Why do you ask?"

"I shaved my beard off," he said.

Well, he grew it back within a matter of months, and as it grayed along with the hair on his head, he looked like a French nobleman. He still has it, and even though his mother calls him "the rabbi," I love it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 years old and have learned something the hard way. Please print my letter so other teens may be spared what I went through.

A few months ago, I got caught shoplifting. I was escorted out of the department store by security and the police and my parents were notified. It was the most humiliating day of my life.

My crime cost me the trust of everyone important to me. My parents put me on restriction and wouldn't allow me to get my driver's license. The court slapped me with a $250 fine and ordered me to attend counseling sessions that cost my parents $70 an hour. Tomorrow I will finally reach the end of the court-ordered counseling program.

Abby, I have worked hard to rebuild my reputation. I have earned several awards from my school and landed a summer internship at a high-profile law firm. My family and I can now put this incident behind us -- but none of us will ever forget it.

I understand that teen shoplifting is a major problem for businesses. Kids use poor judgment and demonstrate sheer stupidity when they commit these crimes. It all comes down to greed and selfishness. Although it starts with taking a few shirts, it escalates to more expensive items. My message to fellow teens is: Don't do it! Sooner or later, you'll get caught, and nothing you can do will make up for what you have done.

Abby, I will never steal again. I'm sorry for what I did. I know many teens will not listen to my warning, but if a few do, then I'll be glad I wrote. -- SORRY TEEN-AGE THIEF

DEAR SORRY: Congratulations on your rehabilitation. Your desire to make other young people think twice before shoplifting is laudable. However, shoplifting is a crime not restricted to thrill-seeking teen-agers. It affects everyone because retailers pass those losses on to consumers, who pay for them in higher prices. I hope everyone who is tempted to shoplift will heed your warning.

DEAR ABBY: I, too, have read the letter from "Longtime Reader, New York State," who was offended by her husband wearing the wedding ring from his former marriage. My story is a bit different.

My first husband and I were married 56 wonderful years. Two years after he died, a man who belonged to the same senior club as I asked me for a date. Five weeks later we were married. I had always thought that a person could only love once. I was wrong. We spent five happy years together, until his death at age 90.

A month later, a friend of mine died at the nursing home where she had been a patient for two years following a serious stroke. Two weeks later, her widowed husband called to visit. Three weeks later we were married. He asked me if I would wear his wife's rings, or if I wanted new ones. I knew that most of his resources had been swallowed up during his wife's illness, so I told him that if her rings fit, I'd be proud to wear them. They did fit. I had known this couple for about six years and I knew he was a good man. It was breathtakingly fast, and now we are both very happy.

On our dining room wall hang four photographs. One is of John and his wife, another of me and my first husband, another of me and my second husband -- and in the center, a picture of John and me. Neither of us is jealous of our partner's past life. We're too busy being in love with each other. -- MARY BURKHARDT, THOUSAND OAKS, CALIF.

DEAR MARY: Life is for the living, and I commend you and John for living it to the fullest, and for affirming that love is not necessarily limited to once in a lifetime. My warmest congratulations to you both.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My uncle, who is in his 80s, loves to cook and is very good at it. He took up cooking after my aunt died. He won't pay any attention to what I tell him, but he reads your column daily, so perhaps he will listen to you.

My uncle thaws his frozen meat and poultry in his gas oven, with only the pilot light. I have told him repeatedly that this is the way bacteria grows on meat, but he insists that cooking it will sterilize it.

He also leaves food on the buffet or the kitchen counter after he entertains, so that his guests can help themselves to "leftovers." It's sometimes left out all night.

Abby, he frequently gets an upset stomach, and I have a hunch that it's a mild case of food poisoning. Please, can you help me wise him up? He has tuned me out completely. -- LOVING NIECE IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR LOVING NIECE: Your uncle is lucky to have such a caring niece. I hope he will listen to me. I checked with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, and according to Bessie Berry, the acting director of the USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline, it's best to thaw food IN THE REFRIGERATOR where it will be maintained at a safe, constant temperature. That's because bacteria multiply rapidly between temperatures of 40 degrees and 140 degrees Fahrenheit, and any bacteria that may have been present before the meat was frozen can begin to grow again.

Food should NEVER be left at room temperature for more than two hours -- and in weather above 90 degrees, the time should be reduced to one hour maximum. Leftover food should be placed in shallow containers and placed directly into the refrigerator or freezer. Theoretically, food is "sterilized" by the heat that cooks it. However, that is not true if the meat or poultry is not cooked thoroughly.

DEAR ABBY: Recently you printed a letter from a survivor of breast cancer whose tumor was not detected by mammography. She urged all women to do a breast self-examination (BSE) once a month and not to rely too heavily on mammography. I'm concerned that her comments may discourage some women from having mammograms.

Health professionals agree that BSE is a prudent practice, but women should not rely on it alone. Scientific studies have not shown that BSE is an effective method of reducing a woman's risk of dying from breast cancer.

While it is not foolproof, mammography is the only breast cancer early detection tool scientifically proven to save lives. The secretary of health and human services, the National Cancer Institute and the American Cancer Society ALL recommend routine mammograms for women age 40 and older.

The truth is, getting a mammogram regularly can save a woman's life. For a woman 40 or older, routine mammography can reduce the risk of dying from breast cancer by 20 to 30 percent. However, mammography may be less effective for younger women, perhaps because their breast tissue is more dense.

Free or low-cost mammograms are available year-round through all 50 state health departments for women who meet age and income requirements. Readers should contact their state health departments to find out whether they meet those requirements.

Abby, thanks for your help in spreading the word about the importance of mammography. Your encouragement may help save lives. -- STEPHEN W. WYATT, DIRECTOR, DIVISION OF CANCER PREVENTION AND CONTROL, CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION, ATLANTA

DEAR DR. WYATT: Thank you for taking the time to reinforce this important message. Readers, when I endorsed breast self-examination, it was with the intention that it be used in addition to (not instead of) an annual mammogram.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.