DEAR ABBY: My uncle, who is in his 80s, loves to cook and is very good at it. He took up cooking after my aunt died. He won't pay any attention to what I tell him, but he reads your column daily, so perhaps he will listen to you.

My uncle thaws his frozen meat and poultry in his gas oven, with only the pilot light. I have told him repeatedly that this is the way bacteria grows on meat, but he insists that cooking it will sterilize it.

He also leaves food on the buffet or the kitchen counter after he entertains, so that his guests can help themselves to "leftovers." It's sometimes left out all night.

Abby, he frequently gets an upset stomach, and I have a hunch that it's a mild case of food poisoning. Please, can you help me wise him up? He has tuned me out completely. -- LOVING NIECE IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR LOVING NIECE: Your uncle is lucky to have such a caring niece. I hope he will listen to me. I checked with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, and according to Bessie Berry, the acting director of the USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline, it's best to thaw food IN THE REFRIGERATOR where it will be maintained at a safe, constant temperature. That's because bacteria multiply rapidly between temperatures of 40 degrees and 140 degrees Fahrenheit, and any bacteria that may have been present before the meat was frozen can begin to grow again.

Food should NEVER be left at room temperature for more than two hours -- and in weather above 90 degrees, the time should be reduced to one hour maximum. Leftover food should be placed in shallow containers and placed directly into the refrigerator or freezer. Theoretically, food is "sterilized" by the heat that cooks it. However, that is not true if the meat or poultry is not cooked thoroughly.

DEAR ABBY: Recently you printed a letter from a survivor of breast cancer whose tumor was not detected by mammography. She urged all women to do a breast self-examination (BSE) once a month and not to rely too heavily on mammography. I'm concerned that her comments may discourage some women from having mammograms.

Health professionals agree that BSE is a prudent practice, but women should not rely on it alone. Scientific studies have not shown that BSE is an effective method of reducing a woman's risk of dying from breast cancer.

While it is not foolproof, mammography is the only breast cancer early detection tool scientifically proven to save lives. The secretary of health and human services, the National Cancer Institute and the American Cancer Society ALL recommend routine mammograms for women age 40 and older.

The truth is, getting a mammogram regularly can save a woman's life. For a woman 40 or older, routine mammography can reduce the risk of dying from breast cancer by 20 to 30 percent. However, mammography may be less effective for younger women, perhaps because their breast tissue is more dense.

Free or low-cost mammograms are available year-round through all 50 state health departments for women who meet age and income requirements. Readers should contact their state health departments to find out whether they meet those requirements.

Abby, thanks for your help in spreading the word about the importance of mammography. Your encouragement may help save lives. -- STEPHEN W. WYATT, DIRECTOR, DIVISION OF CANCER PREVENTION AND CONTROL, CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION, ATLANTA

DEAR DR. WYATT: Thank you for taking the time to reinforce this important message. Readers, when I endorsed breast self-examination, it was with the intention that it be used in addition to (not instead of) an annual mammogram.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I have a handicapped placard. I have noticed that a lot of people have a hard time getting the card to hook over the rearview mirror (and also removing it). I, too, was struggling and came up with the following idea:

I asked my husband for a three-quarter-inch metal washer. He tied a string on the washer, and then tied the string to the mirror -- letting the washer hang down about two inches. I bought a small, sticky-backed magnet at the hardware store, which I attached to the back of my handicapped sign. All I have to do is touch the magnet to the metal ring, and the sign is visible and easy to hang or remove.

I hope this idea will help all those who have struggled trying to hang their handicapped placards. Just touch the magnet to the metal and be on your way! -- JUNE PETERSON, REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.

DEAR JUNE: How kind of you to share your inspiration. I'm sure that many readers will find your idea helpful. Thank you for sharing it.

DEAR ABBY: I am 9 years old and I have a problem. Every time I get money from my parents or my aunts and uncles or my grandparents, I spend it on gum, chips, chocolate and sodas. Then, whenever I want to buy something like a jacket, I don't have the money.

My dad says I should buy a piggy bank, but I got one last Christmas and that didn't work. How can I save my money? -- MIKE CHARLES, ROSEMEAD, CALIF.

DEAR MIKE: To save money, you have to stop spending it. The only way your piggy bank will work is if you put money in it and don't take money out of it. Each time someone gives you money, immediately put half of it in your piggy bank, and before you know it, you will have saved enough to buy something special.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Living a Nightmare" could have been written by me almost eight years ago. I didn't think I could ever escape, but I did.

When I could stand it no longer, I had my husband put in jail for his abuse. Shortly thereafter, I was notified by his parents that he was being released on bail. They were having a party and wanted me to come. I knew what that meant, so I quickly packed my bags and left.

I went to the nearest shelter for abused women, where arrangements were made for me to transfer to another shelter -- in another state. In order to survive, I had to change my name and get a new Social Security number. It was hard, but living is important to me.

I am now happily married and live an abuse-free life. I wish "Living a Nightmare" all the luck in the world and my prayers are with her.

Abby, for obvious reasons, please do not print my name. Sign me ... THE GIRL WHO GOT AWAY

DEAR GIRL: Congratulations on ending the abuse and redefining your life. I'm printing your letter as a beacon of hope to other victims of abuse, to let them know that although it may be difficult, a happy outcome is possible.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As a teen-ager, for kicks I would randomly call women at night and ask to speak to their husbands. If the wife said he wasn't there, I would pretend to be the husband's lover, saying he was supposed to have told her about me.

Most of the time it didn't work, but one young woman believed me. She began crying and said, "We've been married for only one year; now I know why he tells me he has to work late."

I hung up without confessing that it was a stunt, immediately regretting what I had done, but I couldn't call back to make amends because I didn't remember which number I had called.

Abby, the damage I may have caused haunts me to this day. I sincerely wish I could take back what I did. -- REGRETTING PAST MISTAKES

DEAR REGRETTING: Since there is nothing you can do to change the past, perhaps you can ease your conscience by doing a good deed. I have a suggestion: Volunteer to mentor a teen-age girl who could benefit from the friendship of a caring, mature adult. There are many out there who need it.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me settle this argument. My husband, who thinks he knows everything, keeps insisting that the forks and spoons should be placed in the basket of the dishwasher with the sharpest point of the utensils facing upward. I say that the utensils should be facing down, so that when they are removed from the dishwasher they can be grabbed by the handles. Will you please settle this? -- FRUSTRATED IN DENVER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your husband is wrong. The utensils should be loaded into the dishwasher with the points facing down, which prevents them from poking or cutting the person who is unloading the machine. It also keeps the eating surfaces cleaner if they're grasped by the handles.

P.S. If this is all you and your husband disagree on, I would say you have a marvelous marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed the letter in your column from "Waiting With Baited Hook in Nevada."

As a divorced, 45-year-old, overweight woman with three teen-agers, I had attended church-sponsored activities for years, including dances. None of the men were interested in me.

When I started taking my 14-year-old son to a one-eighth-scale, live steam-engine train park last summer, I began to volunteer my time. The outdoor setting was beautiful, the people were friendly, and it was surprisingly fun. It didn't take long for a divorced man to strike up a conversation, and within six months we were married!

I found out by happenstance that what you suggested works: Look where men spend their free time, and enjoy the same wholesome activities. -- LUCKY IN OREGON

DEAR LUCKY: I'm delighted to hear about your happy outcome. Sometimes we make our own "luck" -- and I think you "engineered" yours beautifully.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)