DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away suddenly from a heart attack seven months ago. We had been married 15 years and have two children, 14 and 15. He was a very loving husband and great father. We had a wonderful life together.

A short time after his death, I began having strong feelings for his unmarried brother, "William." I always liked William, but since he is the direct opposite of my late husband, I never expected this to happen. Now I am head-over-heels in love with William.

When I confessed my feelings to him, he held me and kissed me and helped me cope with the loss of my husband, but he refuses to get any closer to me. He says he feels guilty because I was married to his brother.

I have talked to his family and mine, and most of them just want me to be happy. My children adore him. I know my dear late husband would have no objections. He loved us both and would want us to be happy.

William and I see each other about three times a week and we get along great, but he is still reluctant to touch me except to hug me goodbye when I leave. Is it wrong to pursue this? -- A.J. IN S.C.

DEAR A.J.: You are still in the process of grieving the loss of your husband, and it is understandable that you find yourself turning to his brother. However, it is seldom wise to make serious decisions during a period of mourning.

Give yourself some time. Find a grief recovery group and attend some sessions. Focus on your needs and those of your children during this difficult period. Your emotions will eventually stabilize and you will be in a better position to judge your feelings for William. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to "I've Dealt My Hand," who was upset because her husband's card parties went on until midnight. I would like to share my solution:

On the night of the card parties, instead of staying home and seething, "Dealt" should go out for dinner and a movie with women friends. Or, if she has any interests, pursue them: Join a gym, a book club, a quilting or sewing club, take a class in art or music, whatever. Or, she can take a nap before the "boys" come to play cards so that she won't miss so much sleep.

One thing I learned early in my marriage was to stop staying at home and whining because my husband wanted to do something with the guys that I wasn't interested in. "Dealt" should cultivate a life of her own, too. -- BEEN THERE IN HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR BEEN THERE: I agree with your practical philosophy. However, the majority of my readers were angered because the husband seemed to be forcing his will on his wife rather than being concerned with her happiness. They felt that his card game should be secondary to her comfort. Of course he should be concerned with her comfort, but she should also be willing to take a back seat to his needs occasionally.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man who loves to travel. I especially enjoy the nightclub shows I've seen. However, I do NOT enjoy being part of the show.

A female performer (in Las Vegas) once picked me out of the audience to go on stage with her so she could sing to me. Even though I politely refused, she was very persistent and even involved the audience in coercing me to go on stage. I would have walked out, but I had paid a lot of money to see this show.

The audience enjoyed it, but I felt like a fool standing up there on the stage while she sang to me.

How do you think I should have handled this? -- EMBARRASSED IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You could have refused by saying emphatically, "No way; I paid to see this show, not perform in it."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am living with a guy (I'll call him Ron) who has an ex-wife and three kids. Whenever there is a family reunion or any kind of family gathering, Ron's ex-wife is invited. I do not like this woman and feel very uncomfortable around her.

Abby, since they have been divorced for nearly five years, she is no longer a part of Ron's family. I realize she's the mother of his children and they are a part of the family, but SHE is not. I am divorced myself. The only thing my ex and I have in common is our son, and I never get invited to his family affairs, nor do I even think about going.

What do you think about this? -- HAD IT WITH FAMILY AFFAIRS

DEAR HAD IT: Apparently Ron's ex-wife has maintained a friendlier relationship with her former family than you have with yours. Therefore, if you are going to attend reunions and other family gatherings with your live-in guy, you had better learn to tolerate her presence.

DEAR ABBY: What does one do with wedding pictures after a divorce? My daughter has given me strict orders that she doesn't want to look at them again.

These are large wedding portraits that include many family members along with the once bride and groom. Some of the relatives have passed away and the photographs are precious to me.

I hope you can help me. Please do not use my name. -- CALIFORNIA READER

DEAR READER: On the backs of the portraits, write the names of those in the pictures and their relationship to you, along with the date they were taken. Then put the pictures away. They are part of your family history and some of your relatives may want them someday.

DEAR ABBY: I had been happily married to "Jake" for six years. Then last year, things started to go downhill. His sister committed suicide. I suppose I could have been more supportive, but I've never had anybody close to me die before and I couldn't handle it. Soon after, I found alcohol hidden in cabinets, which means that Jake, who had been sober for 10 years, had started drinking again.

One night, one of his female co-workers took him out and got him drunk. He said all he remembers is waking up in her bed. To his credit, he came home and admitted what he had done. Naturally, I kicked him out.

A week later, Jake collapsed on the job and was taken to the hospital where they found cancer all through his body. I rushed to his side. He begged me to forgive him and promised to stop drinking and to work hard at our marriage for his remaining months.

I don't know what to do. I still love him, but I don't want to get hurt again. He has broken promises before, but I just can't let him die alone. Please help me, Abby. -- TORN APART

DEAR TORN: Please open your heart and your arms to your dying husband. You will never regret it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We recently attended our niece's sixth-grade basketball game at the YMCA. The game was supposed to be noncompetitive and fun -- however, it was anything but that. The parents of the opposing team were yelling at our niece, screaming and cheering every time she missed a basket. At least three children broke down in tears during the game.

To counter a written complaint the coach made, the wives of the other team's coaches made up lies and reported them to the director. (All the lies were subsequently refuted by the referees, kids on both teams and some parents.)

Abby, I can't believe that so much pressure could be put on young people. Girls are especially vulnerable at 11 or 12. While it's part of the game to get excited about winning, I wish more parents would consider the kids' emotions. What do you think? -- CONCERNED MOM IN INDIANA

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: For parents to humiliate children on the opposing team in an attempt to give their own children a psychological advantage is shameful. The parents should consider what they are teaching their children by their example.

Aside from the obvious health benefits that sports offer children of both sexes, the children are supposed to be learning teamwork and good sportsmanship.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a reader wrote telling you that she sees nothing wrong with listing toy preferences and clothing sizes on birthday party invitations. After all, she said, birthday gifts are expected. I am certain that she wrote this based upon her frame of reference, but I would like to respond from mine.

Last year, my son had a party to celebrate his 11th birthday. Written invitations -- no mention of gifts -- were distributed. The day of the party, one invited boy phoned to say he probably would not show up. Knowing a little about the boy and his family, I suspected the problem was that he could not afford a gift -- so I whispered a suggestion to my son while he was still on the phone. Then, continuing his conversation with the boy, my son said, "Come to the party. And don't worry about a present. I have plenty of toys. I just want YOU." The boy came to the party, with no present. No one cared.

Another boy showed up and presented my son with an obviously used toy, which was the cause of tears that night in bed. My son was upset and trying to figure out if he should keep the present or return it to his friend, a classmate. A few days before the party, my son had found out the boy was living in a dilapidated shack with his family -- a discovery that was anything but easy for my son to deal with.

Imagine if we had listed appropriate gifts on a party invitation! How unkind that would have been. None of us ever really knows what the circumstances are for others, and because we never know, perhaps it's best not to make assumptions. -- CAROLINE IN ASTORIA, ORE.

DEAR CAROLINE: How true. Your letter illustrates that point very well.

DEAR ABBY: I thought you might enjoy this story. My grandson and granddaughter were invited to their grandmother's house for Christmas dinner.

Noting all the candles on the table, my grandson said there were enough for a menorah. His grandmother replied that she didn't really know what a menorah is used for, whereupon my 10-year-old granddaughter said, "Grandma, that's what you spread on the garden." -- BUD IN ST. PETE

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)