DEAR ABBY: Regarding the woman who complained about clapping in church: She should relax and enjoy. Worship doesn't have to be a somber and expressionless experience. The Psalmist tells us, "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord."

Black churches are renowned for their dynamic expressions of faith. What's wrong with church members expressing their enjoyment of worship? Amen and hallelujah!

When the choir or soloists use their God-given talents in a worship service, worshipers should be free to express their appreciation. We clap at the church I attend. Yes, there are a few silent types who seem shocked at the vocal majority, but most of us believe there's nothing wrong with showing our appreciation to those who use their God-given musical talents for the rest of us to enjoy. -- NANCY WHITFORD, CHAMPAIGN, ILL.

DEAR NANCY: The majority of those who have written to me about clapping in church approve of the practice, although until recently it was considered improper. I see nothing wrong with thanking talented people with a round of applause for the religious inspiration they provide. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While I would not care to have a solo or choir selection interrupted, I believe applause is an affirmation of praise from the congregation to God -- another form of the shouted "Amen!" that's often heard in some congregations. -- JACK M. HARDWICK, ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I have been an Episcopal priest for 33 years, ministering to the "frozen chosen," as others call us. I began ministerial life as a cleric, believing in the rectitude of proper demeanor in worship. This meant that a show of joy or emotion was forbidden.

After years of looking out at the congregation and seeing frustration on the faces of those who wanted to join in an expression of appreciation for some moving sermon, reading, choir anthem or instrumental piece, I have been converted. In the Old Testament worshipers are taught: Clap your hands, all you peoples; shout to God with loud songs of joy (Psalms 47:1). In other passages, all of creation is to praise God with clapping and singing. Psalm 98:8 says: Let floods clap their hands; let the hills sing together for joy. In Isaiah 55:12, we read: For you shall go out in joy, and be led back in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall burst into song, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

Lest this be biased in favor of the positive, clapping was also used to show negative feelings. One example, Lamentations 2:15 tells us: All who pass along the way clap their hands at you; they hiss and wag their heads at the daughter of Jerusalem.

Freedom to express joy and appreciation is especially important when the young join us. They need to know they are welcomed in worship. -- RONALD C. BAUER, RECTOR, SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a difficult time trying to find the correct name for a function, and I'm asking for your help. The function I'm referring to is a get-together where food is served after a funeral and burial. Generally it is held at a church social hall or a community center.

Thank you, Abby. I'm waiting for your reply. -- EDWARD C. HOGGE, BENA, VA.

DEAR EDWARD: There is no specific term for it. In the Jewish religion, it's called "sitting shiva" -- and during that week-long period, friends and relatives bring food to the bereaved family. In the Christian religions, it might be called a wake, a repast, a memorial lunch or dinner, a reception -- or simply a gathering.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to support "Doctor in Michigan," who wrote that doctors have no time to talk to large numbers of depressed or suicidal people on the phone. Unfortunately, this doctor told you the truth. The best way to handle these people (and there are many) is to tell them to call the suicide hotline and make a follow-up appointment with their doctor.

Managed care, which is what the majority of doctors work under, means a lot of managing and very little care. In fact, we doctors aren't even doctors anymore; we are "providers." I have worked as a "provider" for 10 years in four different jobs and locations. All of them were crummy. At my current job, I see a patient every 15 minutes with a "double-book" occasionally thrown in.

Most providers routinely eat a 10-minute lunch and avoid consuming much liquid so they won't have to take too many two-minute potty breaks. I don't even dare ask patients how they are anymore, for fear they will really tell me. Under managed care, I'm given no time to listen to their answer, anyway.

I doubt you heard from many doctors on this issue because most are too busy trying to keep their miserable lives afloat. I pity those carrying big mortgages and supporting kids in college, because they probably can't afford to leave these "factory jobs" behind. I, myself, plan to eventually change careers.

Abby, the medical profession is falling apart in this country. It's a tragedy. Unfortunately, I cannot sign my name. Just sign me ... A DOCTOR, TELLING IT LIKE IT IS

DEAR DOCTOR: I am aware that with the arrival of managed care, doctors are compelled to see more patients in less time. However, even if a physician is unable to schedule an emergency appointment, a return call at the end of the day would be the courteous and caring course of action. Read on for another view:

DEAR ABBY: I was fortunate enough not to be the patient of the "family physician" in Michigan when my life came crashing in around me.

I called my physician's office and asked the staff to have him prescribe something for my agitation, as I was so upset I felt like blowing my brains out. His assistants were tremendous. They told me to come in right then! My doctor saw me immediately, listened with compassion, assured me that we'd get through this, and thanked me for calling him. He phoned a therapist in a nearby building and set up immediate therapy for me. He asked if I could walk over there alone, or if I wanted his nurse to take me. Then they watched to make sure I made it safely to the other building, where the therapist was waiting for me outside the front door!

Dr. Wayne Owens, his staff, and Pat Booker, M.S.W., literally saved my life. I am now emotionally healthy and stable, and enjoying life as I never had before.

There's a light at the end of the suicidal tunnel if people like these help you when you're at your lowest. -- ELLEN LE BLANC, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR ELLEN: You will be pleased to know that your experience was not unique. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am alive today because my family physician took the time to call me on the phone. Yes, he also asked me to come in immediately for a consultation, and referred me to a mental health specialist. However, it was the phone call that saved me from suicide. I didn't know where else to turn. Not everyone is aware of suicide hotlines.

Abby, a family physician (also known as a general practitioner) is usually the first step toward successful treatment of mental illness. -- CHRISTINA IN WAYNESBORO, PA.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: How would you like to be one of 44 million people in the United States with a loud screeching, roaring, whistling, ringing or chirping in your head? Can you imagine going to a doctor and being told: "You have tinnitus. There is nothing I can do for you. You'll have to learn to live with it." This is the answer millions of tinnitus sufferers hear repeatedly.

In 1993, a loud ringing sound began in one of my ears. It was driving me crazy and made it impossible to sleep. I became stressed out and depressed. It was impossible to continue to work because I was always tired. Not a single doctor could help.

Finally, one doctor referred me to a local American Tinnitus Association (ATA) support group. When I called, they gave me immediate assistance, empathetic care and understanding, and helpful information which led me to realize that I could manage this condition and lead a productive life.

The ATA was founded in 1971. It publishes a magazine, "Tinnitus Today," that keeps its members up-to-date on the latest research and treatments for tinnitus. In addition, it sponsors research, testifies before Congress to encourage more research and has support groups all over the United States.

Thank you, Abby, for spreading the word. -- JOHN NICHOLS, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR JOHN: I have mentioned the Tinnitus Association before, and I'm pleased to do it again. Until recently, there was no help for people afflicted with tinnitus. However, a number of procedures such as sound "masking," drug therapies, biofeedback and tinnitus retraining therapy now exist that can bring relief to some tinnitus sufferers.

For more information about the ATA, call (toll-free) 1-800-634-8978, or write: The American Tinnitus Association, P.O. Box 5, Portland, Ore. 97207-0005.

DEAR ABBY: This is for the 26-year-old man who wants to marry the 32-year-old woman with a teen-age daughter:

My mother married my stepdad when she was 32. He was 24. I was 14 years old at the time.

I know about problems with disapproving families, and even racism. My mother's family and stepdad's family didn't want to acknowledge the wedding. Despite the opposition, my mom and stepdad have been married for 11 years. Because of the union, I have a little brother I couldn't love more. I also have a great stepdad who loves and respects my mother.

In a way, my stepdad and I grew up together. He's a friend as well as a dad, and he taught me that love and trust conquer all. -- N. BOMAGAT, RENO, NEV.

DEAR N. BOMAGAT: I'm certain the man who wrote will appreciate your supportive letter. Now it's up to him to decide if he's emotionally emancipated enough from his family to follow his heart. Let's hope he makes the right decision for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: If any of your readers are casting around trying to figure out what to give their sweethearts for Valentine's Day, let me tell you about a surprise that backfired.

I decided to give my boyfriend a special surprise last Valentine's Day. I bought a big red bow, tied it around my waist and prepared to deliver my surprise. I called my Valentine to let him know that I was on my way -- and left my house wearing a coat over nothing but the bow.

When I arrived at his house, I rang the doorbell, and as the door opened, I opened my coat and said, "Happy Valentine's Day."

I found myself face-to-face with MY surprise. He had flown in my parents for a visit! As my boyfriend rolled on the floor with laughter, my dad said, "Surprise!" My mother just stood there in shock.

It's the last time I'll ever try a gift like that. No name, please -- just sign me ... SURPRISED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SURPRISED: No wonder red is the color for Valentine's Day. Just be grateful it wasn't HIS parents.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)