DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old married mother-to-be. Lately, I have been increasingly frustrated with children calling adults by their first name. I am not talking about adults to whom the children are closely related; I am talking about neighbors, friends, parents, etc. I have recently been introduced to the children of several acquaintances and neighbors by my first name. I realize that I am not elderly, but I AM an adult.

I was always taught to respect my elders and to refer to them as "Mr.," "Mrs." or "Miss" unless invited to do otherwise. It is not the children's fault -- it is the adults who allow them to do this.

I plan on raising my children to follow this rule of thumb: If you're not sure what a person prefers to be called, ASK! Some adults don't mind young children calling them by their first names, but have we become so informal that everyone is now a Tom or a Nancy? How do I get around this without sounding like a stick-in-the-mud? -- OLD-FASHIONED IN READING, PA.

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: You are correct in your statement that your dilemma is caused by the thoughtlessness on the part of the parents, who should ask you, before the introductions are made, how you would like the children to address you.

Deal with this by making your wishes known in a friendly way. When a parent introduces you as "Nancy," say with a smile, "When Jimmy and Janie are 21, they may call me Nancy. But for now, I'd prefer to be called Mrs. Smith." And then direct a friendly comment (or question) to the child.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter to warn parents how easily kids can get into things when you least expect it. My niece (I'll call her Karen) and her 1-year-old daughter, "Kimberly," were at home. Karen was in the kitchen and Kimberly was in the bedroom.

Karen became concerned because she couldn't hear what Kimberly was doing. When she checked on her, Karen found that the child had gotten hold of her purse and had the strap wrapped around her neck. Kimberly's lips were turning blue and she was very pale. Karen unwrapped the purse strap from around the child's neck and attended to her. Karen was terrified, but thankful that she had checked on Kimberly when she did.

It's amazing, Abby. My niece and her husband had baby-proofed the electrical outlets, kitchen and bathroom cabinets, and even put doorknob covers on doors they didn't want Kimberly to open. Now, after that frightening afternoon, Karen also makes sure she puts her purse, diaper bag or anything else with straps out of reach. -- AN AUNT IN DENVER WHO CARES

DEAR AUNT WHO CARES: Thank you for the warning. I'm sharing it with my readers, along with the reminder that drapery cords and those for venetian blinds can also be very dangerous for toddlers and small children, and should be kept out of reach of tiny hands.

DEAR ABBY: I need to know the proper thing to do with my wedding rings. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and are now divorcing. He is 85 and I am 73. This is his third marriage and my second. My first husband died after 38 years of marriage.

My husband purchased the rings for his first wife, gave the same ones to his second wife, and then to me. He has now asked me to return them. I really don't feel like giving them back, but I want to do the right thing. This is a mutual, friendly separation, and we are planning to visit each other after he moves out of state. Will you please tell me the proper way to handle this? -- ELOISE IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR ELOISE: Since the rings were originally purchased for his first wife, be a lady and return them to your about-to-be-ex-husband. However, I wouldn't blame you if, as a condition, you request that he replace them with a lovely cocktail ring.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In this hectic and often confusing world in which we live, one of the most priceless treasures I possess is a happy and mutually sustaining marriage. Hanging in our bedroom is a wall plaque we received on our wedding day, almost 20 years ago. Over the years and through various moves, it has accompanied us and always found a place of honor in our home. The author's name is not shown. I wish I knew who wrote these beautiful sentiments, for although 20 years have passed, the words of wisdom are timeless. Perhaps you will find it worth sharing with your readers. -- VALERY STEWART, OXNARD, CALIF.,

DEAR VALERY: Indeed I do -- and here it is. Read on:

THE ART OF MARRIAGE

A good marriage must be created.

In marriage, the little things are the big things ...

Never being too old to hold hands.

Remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.

Never going to sleep angry.

Having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.

Standing together facing the world.

Forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

Speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

Having the capacity to forgive and forget, and then forgetting what you forgave.

Giving each other an atmosphere in which to grow.

Not only MARRYING the right person, but BEING the right partner.

DEAR ABBY: Re: visible house addresses. As a longtime member of an ambulance corps, I endorse making house numbers visible from the street. More than once I have had to run up and down a street trying to locate the house from which 911 was called because someone was having chest pains, or worse. In addition to having visible house numbers, if possible someone should be stationed at the front door or outside to signal to the responding emergency personnel.

I do not agree, however, with encouraging your readers to find or start a group to paint curbside addresses. While this practice can be helpful in certain circumstances, it is worthless when snow, ice or leaves cover the curb.

The efforts of those who want to help should concentrate on your last suggestion: Your street numbers should be clearly visible from the street and well-lighted at night. -- C.B. YOUNG JR., RAMSEY, N.J.

DEAR C.G.: Sorry, living in sunny California, I failed to consider adverse weather conditions in other sections of the country. I should have thought about parked cars blocking curbside numbers. I concede that clearly visible numbers on the house is the better idea.

Other readers complained about places of business not having address numbers that are easy to spot. Those could be important to emergency personnel as well as to customers.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is divorced and has a live-in boyfriend, man friend -- no, an old man living with her. He's good to her, but he's too old, and now she's starting to show signs of aging. She's only 58. The boyfriend is 78 and is really getting on the family's nerves.

At night when he drives, he can't see the turn-offs. When he comes to family gatherings, he can't stand the kids yelling and having fun. What a party pooper!

When he dies, if he dies first, she'll be lost. If she goes first, look at all the things she will have missed out on by hanging around an old man. I say it's OK to be friends, but leave it at that. Life's too short -- get on with it. -- FRUSTRATED IN WHITEWATER, WIS.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: From your description of the relationship, your mother-in-law HAS already gotten on with it. She has the right to make her own choices. Remember: His age is not nearly as important as how he treats her.

Be thankful your mother-in-law has found a love match. Not everyone is as fortunate as she.

DEAR ABBY: A while ago you printed a letter from a woman who was concerned because her husband insisted on wearing the wedding band given to him by his late wife.

I lost my first wife at age 19, but was fortunate to meet my present wife two years later.

She resolved the "problem" of the first wedding ring by taking it, along with the ring she gave me, to a jeweler who welded them together. I now have a unique wedding band and a wife who's one in a million. We've been married 34 wonderful years. -- TOM COLLIMORE, SAN MARCOS, CALIF.

DEAR TOM: What a wise and inventive woman you married. Cherish her. She's an original thinker.

DEAR ABBY: I wholeheartedly agree with "Miss Judi," the librarian in Dallas who wanted to remind families about the benefits of public libraries. Our family of six has been making do with slim resources for many years while Dad was in graduate school and starting his career.

All the children got library cards as soon as they could write their names. I showed them how to use the card catalog and introduced them to the librarian. (Sometimes you get a grump, but most of them like to help.) We've spent many a Saturday or Sunday afternoon in our library enjoying the books, programs and other materials they offer.

Today, my children -- ages 6 through 12 -- are avid readers who love books. They even save their allowance to spend on some popular titles that are hard to find in the library. I'm certain this love will take them far in life.

Family memberships to zoos and museums also provide low-cost educational family entertainment. A membership usually costs about what you would pay for two or three visits. With a membership, you also receive admission to member events and special exhibits, and discounts at the gift shops. During the long winter months, being able to go to the museum instead of watching another video is a real treat.

It has taken some effort, but the family entertainment we have discovered on our limited budget is fun and fascinating, and keeps us an active, involved family. -- INNOVATIVE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR INNOVATIVE: Your entertainment suggestions are just the ticket for families on a tight budget and those who value education. I have always encouraged young people to avail themselves of libraries, for books open up new worlds, real and imagined. Museums and libraries contain the knowledge and imagination of mankind's best -- treasures more valuable than gold and precious jewels. Readers, I recommend this. Positive results are almost guaranteed.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)