DEAR ABBY: What percentage of people find their soul mates? You once advised a young man who had doubts about his relationship to keep searching. How long does one search? I am married to a man who is decent and has similar values to mine, but he is definitely not my soul mate. If I had kept searching for my soul mate, would I have found him? What if he lived in another state? How would I ever find him? Would I have been too old to have children by the time I found him?

I have pondered these questions all my life. In my experience, love is not equal. I once found a man I thought was my soul mate, but he didn't really love me; and some men in whom I had no interest pursued me. This confuses me. Isn't it supposed to be that two people find each other and fall madly in love?

My husband and I have children, and they are the joy of my life. I suppose I love him, but it is more like loving a brother -- there is no passion. I thought he would open up eventually, but he never did.

I have seen people who have happier marriages, but I think it is basically dumb luck that they found the right person and that person loves back with equal fervor.

Abby, I don't expect you to have all the answers, but I needed to ask someone. Thanks for listening. -- EXAMINING LIFE IN OHIO

DEAR EXAMINING: I'm happy to listen, and wish I could answer all your questions. Just as no two people are alike, no two marriages are alike. Some couples are content with "brotherly" companionship, which can include a deep and meaningful love. Others enjoy a fiery passion. Some have both. However, it is important to remember there is a vast difference between real life and fantasy. If the pluses in your marriage outweigh the minuses, you are better off than many.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Grandma in Saratoga Springs, N.Y.," who wanted to know how to tell a child the truth about Santa Claus, reminded me of my own experience:

Born in 1940, my son, in addition to being an only child, was a "war baby." During his early childhood, toys were almost impossible to find. The things little boys crave -- toy trucks, planes, trains, tricycles, etc. -- were not being manufactured. In 1943, he went to the circus for the first time. When he was asked what he wanted for Christmas, he said he wanted a real elephant or a red wagon. One was as easy to find as the other.

We were eager to keep his belief in Santa alive as long as possible. My mother told me to give up, but I kept saying, "Just one more year." We finally located a wagon late on Christmas Eve.

Finally, when my son was 7, Mom came to me and said I could stop pretending. He had confided to her that he knew there was no Santa Claus, but, "Don't tell Mom because she still believes in him." Needless to say, that solved the problem. -- VIVIENNE LINDSAY, LANCASTER, CALIF.

DEAR VIVIENNE: When I responded to "Grandma in Saratoga Springs," I missed an opportunity to point out that many families use the "moment of truth" when talking to their children about Santa to reinforce their belief in the spirit of Christmas that Santa Claus represents -- that of giving.

Many older children cherish the "grown-up" responsibility of keeping the belief alive in their younger siblings. Thus the spirit of giving passes from one generation to the next.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You recently ran a letter from a woman who gave a few tips on what sighted people should do when they meet a blind person. As president of the American Foundation for the Blind, and a blind person myself, I believe I can add a few more points of etiquette your readers may find helpful:

1. Speak to people who are blind or visually impaired using a natural conversational tone and speed. Do not speak loudly and slowly unless the person also has a hearing impairment.

2. Address blind people by name when possible. This is especially important in crowded places.

3. Immediately greet blind people when they enter a room or service area. This lets them know you are present and ready to assist.

4. Indicate the end of a conversation with a blind person in order to avoid the embarrassment of leaving a person speaking when no one is actually there.

5. Feel free to use words that refer to vision when conversing with blind people. Words such as "look," "see" and "watching TV" are part of everyday communication. The words "blind" and "visually impaired" are also acceptable in conversation.

6. Do not leave a blind person standing in "free space" when you serve as a guide. Also, be sure that the person you guide has a firm grasp on your arm or is leaning against a chair or a wall if you have to be separated momentarily.

7. Be calm and clear about what to do if you see a blind person about to encounter a dangerous situation. For example, if the person is about to bump into something, calmly and firmly call out, "Wait there for a moment; there is an obstruction in your path."

Abby, thanks for giving me the opportunity to provide this information. If your readers have any questions about blindness and visual impairment, the American Foundation for the Blind has a toll-free information line, (800) 232-5463, and a Web site, www.afb.org. -- CARL R. AUGUSTO, PRESIDENT, AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR THE BLIND, NEW YORK

DEAR CARL: Thank you for the excellent input. I'm sure my readers will find it of interest. In addition to your letter, I also heard from David M. McGown, executive director of the Guild for the Blind in Chicago, offering pointers for the general public when interacting with blind people:

-- Address the person directly, and not through someone else.

-- If you think a person needs assistance, ASK FIRST. Don't assume you should help. Let the person choose to accept help or not.

-- When offering assistance, never take someone by the arm who is blind or visually impaired; and never take hold of a white cane or guide dog. If you offer your arm instead, the person can follow a half-step behind and anticipate changes.

-- When guiding someone to a chair, place his/her hand on the back of the chair.

-- Remember, people who are blind or visually impaired are people first -- people who have feelings and lives just like you do. Many of them like movies and sports and have interests of their own. Treat a person who has a visual disability with the same courtesy and respect you would give to anyone else.

For more information about the Guild for the Blind and its services, write: 180 N. Michigan Ave., Suite 1700, Chicago, Ill. 60601-7463 or call (312) 236-8569.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a single father with primary custody of my 11-year-old daughter, "Nadine." She and I are very close. She lives with her mother on weekends. However, since her mother works out of state, on some weekends she doesn't make it home to be with Nadine.

Abby, I have a rule that my daughter cannot have her girlfriends spend the night at our home. It's because I'm afraid of being accused of misconduct with her friends. I would never behave inappropriately, but today, men must be careful that there is no possibility of suspicion. I would not feel comfortable with Nadine spending the night at the home of a friend who lived alone with her father, and I think most parents probably would feel the same way.

Am I cheating my daughter by not allowing her friends to sleep over? Am I wrong to protect myself from the possibility of accusations? Or am I being paranoid? -- 'OVERLY CAUTIOUS' OR 'RIGHT ON'? TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR RIGHT ON: In light of the social climate today, your caution probably is wise. However, explain to Nadine why you have the rule. She is old enough to understand.

Your daughter need not miss out on the girlhood ritual of sleep-overs -- she could have her friends spend the night when she is with her mother.

DEAR ABBY: As a public service, please print my letter.

If you put an ad in the lost-and-found section of the newspaper, chances are it will end up on the Internet. When it does, rest assured someone will contact you and offer to return your lost item -- if you wire money to pay for the shipping costs.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT fall for this scam! Chances are, the crooks do not have the item and never did. They see an opportunity to cheat you. They are counting on your emotional attachment to the lost item. They'll rip you off and laugh all the way to the bank.

How do I know? Our daughter lost her beloved dog. She was ripe for this scam, and fell for it.

If people get a response to their lost-and-found ad, they should "accept" the offer, obtain the name and location of where the crook will claim the money, then notify police. At the very least, the police should be asked for advice. These people must be stopped. -- VICTIM'S MOM, SUN CITY WEST, ARIZ.

DEAR VICTIM'S MOM: Thanks for the warning. It seems that we must all be on our toes these days to protect ourselves.

DEAR ABBY: I want a new bicycle, but my mother says I will have to earn it. I am too young to get a job. Can you tell me how to get some money for a new bike? -- YOUNG READER IN NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR YOUNG READER: You may be too young for a grown-up job, but you are not too young to earn money by doing chores and odd jobs for neighbors.

Talk to your mother about taking on some of the chores at home. For example, ask her if she will pay you for sweeping the driveway or the kitchen, or taking the trash out every day. You could also ask your neighbors to hire you for such things as raking leaves, walking their dog, sweeping their sidewalks or pulling weeds. There are always small jobs for which people would be happy to pay you.

CHUCKLE FOR TODAY:

It's sad for a girl to reach the age

Where men consider her charmless,

But it's worse for a man to attain the age

Where the girls consider him harmless.

-- Anonymous (Forbes magazine)

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)