DEAR ABBY: My youngest brother, Jim, and his wife, Mary, have been separated for a couple of years and plan to divorce. They have three children and I have four, all close in age.
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About three weeks ago, my youngest son, Billy, said he missed his cousins and wanted to go to Aunt Mary's mobile home to visit them. I called my brother and asked how he felt about Billy's request. Jim said he would prefer that I not continue my friendship with Mary and the children. He said that we would be disloyal to him if we continue to see his estranged wife and their children.
A few days later, Billy saw his cousins in school, and they begged him to visit them. I then called Mary and she, too, invited us over. We had a very pleasant evening together.
The next morning, Jim arrived at my place and said, "I see that you chose Mary over me. I'm having a birthday party next weekend, and you and your kids are not invited. Furthermore, you can never come to my house again."
I replied, "OK, I'll be loyal to you! I won't see Mary again."
Jim said, "It's too late. You've made your choice." Then he stormed out.
I discussed my brother's attitude with our parents. Dad said, "You should be loyal to your brother." Mom said, "It's about feelings."
I think it's about Jim's insecurities.
Abby, maybe I shouldn't have gone to my estranged sister-in-law's home, but I don't think I was being disloyal to my brother. Do you think Jim was out of line? -- MINNEAPOLIS READER
DEAR READER: Your brother obviously is distraught at the breakup of his marriage, and yes, I would say that Jim was out of line.
It's sad enough that his children are losing their full-time father without losing their cousins as well.
Jim's attitude is all too common in divorce. You have the right to maintain a relationship with your brother's children. They are still family, so don't let Jim dissuade you.