DEAR ABBY: I had to write you after reading the column on the merits of home-schooling. I am a fourth-grade teacher who has taught for many years.

Abby, I cringe every time I hear the words "home-schooling." I am sure that the students who wrote you were sincere; and yes, there are some advantages to being home-taught.

However, my experience has taught me that without exception, children who come into my class after being home-taught have large gaps in their education. They tend to read well and write using proper grammar and spelling, but their writing is stilted and disorganized. Social sciences are lacking and science is a foreign word. Furthermore, they can't problem-solve in cooperative groups, which is an essential skill in the job market of today.

Today's education involves more than just the basics. Students need to understand concepts, and that problems can be approached in more than one way and can have more than one solution.

Teaching is a full-time job, and I have never met a parent who can give his/her children the quality of education I can offer. -- BETTY MONTGOMERY, DIAMOND BAR, CALIF.

DEAR BETTY: Thank you for writing. I heard from many enthusiastic home-schooled students; however, it is important to hear the views of professional educators. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Parents who teach their children at home should think carefully about what they're trying to accomplish and examine the teaching materials. The content and quality of teaching materials are rarely mentioned in judging home-schooling but are extremely important. Books used at home are usually well-written and illustrated, but those published by the fundamentalist movement may be slanted to their beliefs, and parents should examine them carefully to make sure the material is compatible with their own beliefs.

For example, one social studies book makes negative comments about Catholicism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shintoism, Greek Orthodoxy and Islam.

A book on science claims that God created the universe from nothing in six days; that evolution is an imagined process in which things form by themselves without a creator and somehow keep improving; that problems on the Earth are due to God's cursing it; and that the age of the Earth and fossils is merely guesswork.

A book on history and geography claims that Indians declined after Adam's fall, remembered the Flood, worshiped spirits and lived in fear of nature; it minimizes Puritan intolerance and omits their witch-hunts. Some books on American literature contain sermons as examples. These books provide few discussion questions to develop critical thinking.

Some home-schooling has a narrow agenda that deprives students of a well-rounded education. -- HUGO BORRESEN, RETIRED TEACHER, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR MR. BORRESEN: I agree with you that, if possible, the parents should be familiar with what their children are learning. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It's amazing that so many readers give home-schooling high marks. I never would have attempted it. In high school I had four years of English, French and history; two years of Latin, chemistry and physics; and one year of algebra, plane and solid geometry and trigonometry. Not many parents are qualified to teach these subjects more than 20 years later.

When our son was enrolled in advanced biology, his teacher held up the textbook and said, "More than half the contents of this book are new since your parents attended high school."

A high level of literacy is commendable, as is an early foundation in the humanities, but I doubt that would have been sufficient for our two children to gain admission to, let alone graduate with honors from, two Ivy League colleges. -- DALLAS DAD

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, and I'm sorry it has to be about something so tragic.

Here in Utah, two children died after playing hide-and-seek in an old refrigerator. The refrigerator had been left in a rural area, lying on its back with the door open.

No one really knows what caused this tragedy -- whether the door fell shut and trapped the boys, or whether they closed it in order to "hide."

Abby, please put a warning in your column about this potential danger. If one person will heed it, perhaps other children will not lose their lives. -- VIRGINIA JOHNS

DEAR VIRGINIA: This is not the first time I have been asked to warn my readers about the dangers posed by stored or abandoned refrigerators, which can be death traps for children.

Unused refrigerators and freezers should have the doors removed so that tragedies like this can be prevented.

DEAR ABBY: In your reply to "Steaming in Dallas," who wrote about her in-laws who believed a man should be in charge of all financial and other matters of major importance, you stated that the in-laws' values "are firmly rooted in another century." Don't be too sure about that, Abby.

There are groups today that attract huge numbers of men (one group fills stadiums full of men) and preach that men should be in control of every major facet of life. These groups usually cloak their male-supremacy message in biblical teachings and in the cultural icons of America.

While promoting many worthwhile tenets and publicly decrying spousal abuse and infidelity, they encourage male control of positions of leadership in the business, political and religious arenas and within the family structure. These groups often obtain legitimacy by associating with local churches, which may or may not fully understand the organizations' agendas, strategies or political ties.

While people have the right to their own personal religious beliefs and to join whatever legitimate organizations they wish to, I would caution all clergypeople and church members to fully investigate any outside group that appears to be infiltrating and exercising control within their men's ministries. I would caution any wife to beware if her husband says something like, "Honey, I've made a terrible mistake. I've given you my role." This is the standard approach for "handling the little lady."

The Center for Democracy Studies, 177 E. 87th St., Suite 404, New York, N.Y. 10128, offers information to anyone wanting to know about groups with organized efforts to undermine the rights of women, people of color, labor or any other groups, through religious or political intolerance. I would bet that "Steaming in Dallas's" in-laws may have been influenced by one of these very current groups rather than by ancient history. -- SUSPICIOUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Whether the group is contemporary or not, I stand by my original answer. That kind of philosophy is firmly rooted in another century.

However, thank you for taking the time to alert my readers and for naming an information resource for anyone who is concerned about an encroachment on civil rights.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Kate," my girlfriend of two years, and I recently had an argument that has left me questioning our entire relationship.

I owned a 30-year-old classic car in mint condition that I purchased new at the factory. I took meticulous care of it and drove it only rarely. One day, Kate drove my car out of her garage and broke a taillight and dented the side. She told me she would contact her insurance carrier and pay the $850 that I had received as a damage estimate. She later discovered her insurance didn't cover the accident, and suggested I pay for it with my own accident coverage. I didn't have that kind of insurance on the car, and told her that since she caused the damage, she should pay for it.

She refused to pay, saying she couldn't afford it, and a car shouldn't come between two people who love each other. I finally paid for the repair myself, but was so soured over the issue that I sold the car. She now claims that since I sold the car, it's really over with, and I should just forget the whole incident.

Whenever we discuss this issue, I become incensed at her irresponsibility and immaturity, and I have begun to wonder if this lack of character would manifest itself in other areas should I marry her. She claims that I have made money my god. Was I off base in my request for compensation for the damage she did to my car? -- BENT OUT OF SHAPE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR BENT: You were not off base. Kate caused the damage, and she should have paid for it. Failing in that, she should have at least made the effort to pay for part of it.

Money problems account for a sizable number of rifts in marriages. Since you and Kate have had so much trouble resolving this, I urge you to seek premarital counseling to determine if the two of you have a workable future before proceeding any further.

Kate appears to be immature and irresponsible, as you surmised. The $850 accident may have prevented you from making a more costly mistake later. Be grateful.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 15 and love to skateboard. I know a lot of adults who think skateboarders are criminals. They seem to think we're all drug addicts who hate authority. This isn't true. All the skaters I know are respectable and respectful, and they don't deserve the bad rap they get.

Just because we aren't into organized sports and don't wear uniforms doesn't mean we're bad. The sport of skateboarding requires discipline and teaches coordination and self-control, not to mention learning to deal with physical pain.

Abby, please let others know that skateboarding is not a crime. I'm getting tired of the negative comments. -- LUKE WILLIAMS, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR LUKE: I agree. Skateboarding is not a crime. It's a recognized sport that requires a good sense of balance, concentration and practice.

If you are getting negative comments, could it be that you are whooshing past pedestrians and frightening them? If the answer is "yes," you are part of the problem. However, if you are skateboarding only where it's allowed, are considerate of others and wear safety gear, by all means skate on, and have fun.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)