DEAR ABBY: A few nights ago, a girls' soccer team was practicing in a local field. We live in a hot, normally dry climate, but recent weather changes have made our humidity higher than usual, and very uncomfortable. Many of our players -- ages 13 and 14 -- were wearing sports bras. Sports bras are seen as outerwear and are worn by joggers, cyclists and aerobic dancers.

A parent approached some of the girls, called them "sleazy" and shamed them for their choice of apparel. While our organization has no precise rules for practice wear, we allow what our community deems acceptable. The parents of our team are standing behind our players' choices.

Abby, this vocal parent then went on to make phone calls to numerous girls' homes and chastised them over the phone. Your thoughts, please. -- ARIZONA PARENT

DEAR PARENT: The parent you described appears to be slightly unbalanced and quite intolerant. He or she was out of line to scold the girls or call them names. And telephoning them at home is even further beyond acceptable boundaries. The parents of the offended girls would have been within their rights to order the person not to bother their daughters again.

Since all the parents are standing behind their daughters' choices of attire, this "problem" may resolve itself.

If this parent views the other players' attire as harmful to his or her daughter's morals, the child may ultimately be withdrawn from the team.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with a 15-year-old son I'll call "Johnny." I make a decent but modest living, and live in a simple home in keeping with my means. I try to set a good example for my son. My dilemma concerns my brother and his family.

My brother and his wife were very helpful when Johnny was small, keeping him when I had to work overtime. Their son, "Lyle," is the same age as Johnny. In return, I'd take Lyle to the park or on little trips with us so his parents could have time alone.

When the boys were about 7, Lyle started saying he didn't like being at my house because it wasn't clean enough for him. Over the next five years, he'd make nasty comments to Johnny, saying we were "white trash" -- but they had to be nice to us because we were family. He once said, "My parents said I should feel sorry for you." He put Johnny down for just about everything, from the way he tied his shoes to the way he dressed. Lyle often took advantage, and even stole money from him.

I always invited Lyle to Johnny's birthday parties, but Johnny was invited to only one of Lyle's. At that party, none of the other mothers would talk to me. I overheard one say, "That's the sister. I hear she's kind of trashy."

I know that the source of my nephew's comments is his parents. We see each other occasionally at holiday time at our father's house. My brother and his wife are friendly to my face, and I have no idea why they'd put us down in front of Lyle. After the last incident with my nephew, I decided I'd had enough. We live three miles apart, but I haven't called them in three years -- and they haven't called me, either.

Abby, you often say that families should settle their differences. But that's not always possible. These family members obviously don't respect me. Why should I be around people who treat me this way? -- TICKED OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR TICKED OFF: Too bad you didn't confront your brother and sister-in-law about their son's remarks years ago in order to get to the bottom of their resentment before it led to a three-year estrangement. I agree it's not always possible for some individuals to resolve their differences. And if this is the case, there is no reason to subject yourself and your son to more unpleasantness.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was troubled by your response to the letter from Betie Newton. While I feel as you do about the heroic and noble deed of her father in saving the lives of a Jewish family during World War II, I am not in agreement with your comment that "we are living in a country where people will NEVER (emphasis mine) encounter the horror that was faced by your friend and father."

Abby, it was apathy and denial by the populace that led to the actions of the Nazis. There are those in our society who preach the same hatred, and there is profound apathy in this country toward those who engage in such activities. We all hope that we will never "encounter such horror," but only an informed, vigilant and morally active society can prevent such a horror from ever happening again. We should never say never. -- DARRELL D. SAGE, CARLISLE, PA.

DEAR DARRELL: You have written a strong and profound letter, to which I would add: In order to protect our freedoms, it is vital that we exercise them to the fullest. I refer specifically to our right to vote.

We live in a society where it's still possible to achieve success through hard work and dedication. If that is to continue, people must educate themselves about the issues that are important to them, make their wishes known at the ballot box and select candidates they trust to represent them. It's a big responsibility, but the future of our country depends upon everyone assuming it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Peter," recently endured a horrible experience in a department store. He was browsing in the men's shoe section but saw nothing he wanted to purchase.

As he was leaving, a security officer yelled at him to stay where he was. She then asked him to follow her. Peter asked her why, but the security officer did not give him an answer. He was led to a back room and asked to lift his feet. The security officer looked at the bottom of his shoes and said, "You are the wrong guy." She explained that while she was watching the store monitor, she had seen a man put on a pair of shoes and walk away without paying for them. She apologized and told Peter he was free to leave.

Peter left the store feeling humiliated and vowed never to return. Should he report this to store management, or is this the way customers should expect to be treated? -- DUMBFOUNDED IN ROXBORO, N.C.

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: My sources inform me that the primary duty of security personnel is to protect and/or recover the store's assets, not to arrest customers. Because the exposure to liability is so great, the vast majority of department stores have stringent guidelines limiting the manner in which a customer can be detained. Suspicion is never sufficient cause to stop a customer for questioning.

The detainment your husband experienced is called a "bad stop," and it should be reported to the store management.

DEAR ABBY: When a person receives a box of chocolates as a bread and butter gift, some people expect it to be opened and passed around. At a large party, it can be finished off, and the host or hostess might not even get to taste it.

I feel that a gift of chocolates should be opened when and where the recipient wants, and shared (or not) as the recipient wishes. What do you think, Abby? -- CHOCOLATE LOVER IN LOMPOC, CALIF.

DEAR CHOCOLATE LOVER: I'm a chocolate lover, too. However, a gracious host does not put the box of chocolates aside, but shares the wealth.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We are writing to let you know of the far-reaching effects of your Operation Dear Abby campaign. Our sixth-graders at Randolph Middle School in Randolph, N.J., wrote holiday cards as a class project. We sent hundreds of cards to the addresses listed in your column.

As responses to their letters began to arrive, the daily question became, "Is there any mail from the military?" Servicemen and women from all over the globe wrote wonderful notes and letters to the students. Some included pictures, patches and money from foreign countries where they were stationed.

The activity also turned into geography lessons as students located on maps various home bases, current stations and stops in between. Connections with weekly current events lessons made news come alive.

The cards were greatly appreciated by the military people who received them, which is the obvious intent of Operation Dear Abby. In addition, students had the experience of expressing their concern for others as well as patriotic pride. Combining those benefits with the extra bonus of various classroom activities made this an invaluable activity we plan to repeat in the future. We are looking forward to the next Operation Dear Abby. Thank you for making it possible. -- EDIE KLINK, CAROLE HUNTINGTON AND ELENA MASTROIANNI, SIXTH-GRADE SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHERS, RANDOLPH MIDDLE SCHOOL

DEAR MSS. KLINK, HUNTINGTON AND MASTROIANNI: I'm delighted that Operation Dear Abby provided a bonus for your students. Each year I receive letters from readers expressing their enjoyment of Operation Dear Abby, and describing friendships (and even marriages) that grew out of it.

I'm pleased to publicize the following addresses for this year's Operation Dear Abby XIII. They will be in effect ONLY from Nov. 15, 1997, to Jan. 15, 1998 (after that, the APO/FPOs will close). If you have difficulty at your local post office, ask the clerk to check the recent postal bulletins -- the Operation Dear Abby addresses are not always entered into the postal computers, and clerks may assume the addresses are invalid. Priority mail only, please.

1. For Europe and Southwest Asia:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

APO AE 09135

2. For the Mediterranean Basin:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

FPO AE 09646

3. For South America, Central America and the Caribbean:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

APO AA 34085

4. For the Far East:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

APO AP 96285

5. For the Pacific Basin:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

FPO AP 96385

For those who wish to send mail to the military in Bosnia, the year-round addresses are:

1. For Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps land forces:

ANY SERVICE MEMBER

OPERATION JOINT GUARD

APO AE 09397

2. For Navy and Marine Corps personnel aboard ship:

ANY SERVICE MEMBER

OPERATION JOINT GUARD

FPO AE 09398

P.S. Cookies (sugar, oatmeal, molasses), gum, hard candy and boxed containers of juice are always welcome (chocolate is not recommended because it can melt in transit). But the No. 1 treat is "food for the soul" and that's mail, mail and more mail!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)