DEAR ABBY: I read a letter in your column that described how, for their parents' anniversary, the children asked friends and family to write letters recalling a special memory they had shared with the couple. The children put all of the letters into an album and presented it to the parents on their anniversary. I thought it was a great idea, but it wasn't until late last summer that I decided to take that advice myself.

My father's 70th birthday was approaching. Instead of requesting that the letters be sent to me, I asked everyone to send the letters directly to Dad during the week of his birthday. I intended to pay him a visit on the afternoon of his special day and collect them in a folder for him.

My father called me every day that week with such joy and excitement in his voice. He was getting about eight letters a day from people he hadn't heard from in years. All were filled with wonderful memories. I didn't tell him I sent the requests out, but someone who wrote him did. Dad thanked me and said it was the best gift he could have received. I promised to help him answer every letter.

Well, my father died on the afternoon of his 70th birthday of a heart attack. I am so grateful that I acted upon something I read in your column. I kept my promise and answered every letter.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to write your column. I'm 41 years old and have been a faithful reader since I was a teen-ager. I speak from experience when I say that although some people may read your column only for enjoyment, someday they'll need to use some of your sage advice. -- DEB LOGUE, EAST PETERSBURG, PA.

DEAR DEB: Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your beloved father. I'm gratified that an item you read in my column proved to be so meaningful. I have received many letters from readers who wanted me to know the pleasure that their loved ones experienced upon receiving a memory book. They make priceless, one-of-a-kind mementos.

DEAR ABBY: You said in your column that you once heard an anthropologist say that "two things distinguish men from apes: our opposable thumb and our ability to invent tools."

Whoever that anthropologist was, he or she must have been years out of date. All primates have opposable thumbs, from the lemurs to the apes (in fact, many apes have FOUR opposable thumbs -- one on each hand and one on each foot). The ability to invent tools was once thought to be a uniquely human characteristic, until 1960. At that time, Jane Goodall observed wild chimpanzees making "tools" out of branches by stripping the leaves and breaking them to a proper size. These tools are made to "fish" for termites in the narrow tunnels of termite mounds, so they must be the proper thickness and free of leaves.

When she telegraphed this discovery to her sponsor, the famous anthropologist, Dr. Louis Leakey, he sent back the reply, "We must now redefine tools, redefine man, or accept chimpanzees as human." Nobody would deny that we are different from chimpanzees and other apes, but the more we learn about them, the more we find that in many respects, we are not as different as perhaps we would like to think. -- TIM SUSMAN, STAFF SCIENTIST, THE JANE GOODALL INSTITUTE'S CENTER FOR PRIMATE STUDIES, ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR MR. SUSMAN: Thank you for enlightening me. When Miss Goodall discovered that chimpanzees are closer to humans than originally thought, she also made a monkey out of me.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the man with Parkinson's disease and the waiter asking his wife, "And what will he have?" struck a nerve with me.

I have a dear friend who happens to be blind. We had the same experience while shopping for a stove. The clerk asked me, "What kind of stove does she want?" I said, "Why don't you ask her? She will be using the stove."

This lady was married 27 years, and raised four children. Both she and her husband are blind. They are a remarkable couple, to say the least.

She, too, has kept her sense of humor. She says, "I'm blind, but not hard of hearing or stupid!"

We rate restaurants by how many menus they give us. She always has her white cane with her, of course. We make a point of asking for a Braille menu; some restaurants even have them! Then she reads it to me and I check it against my menu to see if it is the same.

Abby, it is amazing how insensitive the general public can be. Having her as a friend has made me much more aware of people's disabilities. -- MARGARET WILDE, KENNEWICK, WASH.

DEAR MARGARET: Being a sidekick to someone with a disability is almost as instructive as walking a mile in her moccasins. I'm sure that others who have seen beyond the disability and found a great friend would confirm your findings. Thanks for writing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My heart went out to the woman whose husband has Parkinson's disease.

Yes, it is amazing how stupid some people act with handicapped people, but on the other hand, there are many understanding people out there. As a caregiver for more than 18 years, I've seen both.

Whenever we go to a new restaurant, I call ahead and explain that I will be coming in with a person who has disabilities and request that they speak to him or her, not me. People are very kind and cooperative once they understand. I have even called McDonald's, and they were wonderful.

Many times I've been thanked for taking the time to call and explain, and everything went well. I hope this suggestion will help the person who wrote to you. -- POLLY THAMARUS, COALDALE, PA.

DEAR POLLY: I'm certain it will help not only the woman who wrote to me, but many others as well. Bless you for your concern.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine borrowed nearly $1,000 from me almost 20 years ago. She has not mentioned it nor offered to pay me. At that time, she would have been 70-something and I was in my 40s, and still working.

I am retired now for medical reasons and could sure use the money. She is 95 and I am 62. She has the money and she's sharp as a tack. I'm sure she must have forgotten the loan. Should I mention it to her? -- RETIRED AND BROKE, KANSAS CITY, MO.

DEAR RETIRED AND BROKE: By all means remind her of the loan. You have nothing to lose and nearly $1,000 to gain.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that if and when an accident or disease transforms an active, involved person into a housebound, sedentary victim of ill fate, that person desperately needs the warmth and caring of friends and neighbors. Even the smallest kind deed can turn moments of sorrow into meaningful moments of joy.

On behalf of the many tens of thousands of individuals in our country who are involuntarily housebound, I would like to plead with those friends and neighbors: COMMUNICATE! By phone, through a brief note, a drop-in visit -- if only for a few minutes.

My beloved wife has been housebound for a little over two years. Because of her illness, she requires oxygen 24 hours a day. For her, a walk to the back yard is an adventure. When she's able to take one, we always take along the portable phone -- in case someone calls. It would be a small tragedy to miss a call.

When that phone rings, and a familiar voice says, "Hi!" her conscious struggle for breath seems to almost miraculously disappear.

I hope I have made my point. Be a friend to a friend or relative in need. Abby, please do not use my name or location, but do share this message with your readers. -- CONCERNED HUSBAND

DEAR CONCERNED HUSBAND: Your message is well worth passing along.

When someone is stricken with a serious illness, it's common for friends and family to experience feelings of guilt or to feel at a loss for words. Unable to cope with the discomfort, they react by distancing themselves at a time when their support is needed most.

In situations like this, act with the same generosity and compassion you would wish from others were the situation reversed. Rather than dwell on the illness, keep uppermost in mind that the sufferer is still your friend -- with the same interests, sense of humor and values. Focusing on that should make communication easier.

The attention is almost always welcome. Coping with chronic illness is difficult enough without having to endure isolation, too. Reach out -- you'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is to "Beth's grandparents" (the ones who stopped coming to her sports games because she wasn't a star player).

I began playing soccer and basketball when I was 8. I hardly knew the rules and was very clumsy. Even though I wasn't great, I loved to play. It was a real treat for me to see my grandparents at the games. I always wanted to do my very best when they were there, but even if I had blown the winning point, I always could walk away knowing that they loved me. To them, it didn't matter if we lost. They were proud to come and watch, and I was proud to play for them.

Now I am about to start my second season of varsity soccer and have just finished a summer season of varsity basketball (I am going to be a sophomore). If I had given up because I wasn't "good" back as an 8-year-old, my love for the game would be gone and I would not have the joy of playing. No one is at their full potential at that age.

Please tell those grandparents to lighten up and encourage their grandchild to do her best without the pressure to win. They should be proud that she's out there working hard in sports that have not always been available to us girls. Good luck, Beth. Never give up your dreams. -- BLESSED WITH GRANDPARENTS WHO ARE A TREASURE, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR BLESSED: Your message comes through loud and clear. I wish you continued success.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)