DEAR ABBY: Recent letters from "Sick and Tired," and "In the Trenches in Philadelphia" have spotlighted the very serious problem of domestic violence. One aspect of this problem often overlooked, however, is that while many of these victimized individuals have fled their abusive spouses and sought treatment and counseling, they are still left with the physical scars. The emotional healing may have begun, but the smashed cheekbone, the twisted nose or the cigarette burn on the face serves as a constant reminder of a painful past. Unfortunately, the majority of victims scarred by acts of domestic violence are not financially able to correct the damage caused by their abuser's rage.

We would like your readers to know that there is help available. The American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS) sponsors a program called Face to Face: The National Domestic Violence Project, which matches victims of domestic violence with facial plastic surgeons for consultation and reconstructive surgery at no charge.

AAFPRS and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) are proud to offer this service to an often overlooked segment of society. With just a phone call, these individuals can begin to gain the confidence to look in the mirror and smile again. Thank you, Abby, for helping us to spread the word, so that we can help them. -- PETER A. ADAMSON, M.D., PRESIDENT, AAFPRS, AND RITA SMITH, NATIONAL COORDINATOR, NCADV

DEAR DR. ADAMSON AND MS. SMITH: I'm delighted to inform my readers about this effort. What a generous gift!

My congratulations to you and your organizations for conceiving such a compassionate and life-changing program. I wish you much success.

Readers, the Face to Face program can be accessed by calling 1-800-842-4546, the toll-free number operated by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

DEAR ABBY: I have been engaged since late last year. My fiance and I are planning our wedding for next summer. We decided to have a long engagement because we want to save and pay for the wedding ourselves.

The problem: My sister wants to have a family portrait taken with her husband and children, my mother and me. Our father is deceased. I politely asked if my fiance could be included in the picture, but my sister argues that he is not part of the family until he says "I do."

Our mother loves my fiance and considers him a son because of all the help he offers around the house, but she refuses to get in the middle of our discussion. My fiance and I do not live together; we are going to remain with our parents until we get married. I know that legally he is not part of the family, but emotionally he is. What do you think? -- PICTURE PERFECT

DEAR PICTURE PERFECT: Your sister has a point. A family portrait should include family members only. Although your fiance is accepted by your mother, many things can happen between now and the wedding date. Your sister may not want to risk being stuck with a "photographic memory" all of you would rather forget.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I did a careless thing and I don't know what to do next. My mother and I have kept a big secret (I will not divulge the secret) within the family since I was a small child.

This secret has involved numerous lies to outsiders. I asked Mother for permission to discuss the secret with my psychiatrist, and she agreed. We were both comfortable with this, knowing that psychiatrists cannot reveal what their patients discuss.

I did not ask for permission to discuss it with my support group. However, I did discuss it -- and now I'm worried that one of the other members of the group will mention it to someone outside, and my indiscretion will come back to haunt me.

Mother does not know I did this. She and I are extremely close and I know she senses my nervousness. My question: Should I confess to Mother and clear my conscience, or should I pretend that nothing happened? This is tearing me up inside. I feel physically ill and I'm extremely depressed. My mother has been through enough and I don't want to hurt her, but I cannot forget what I have done. -- FEELING GUILTY

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: It is unlikely that your secret will be discussed outside your therapy group, where generally, confidentiality is required. Discuss your fears with your psychiatrist, and ask him or her to make an announcement reiterating confidentiality at the next group session. Since you feel that your mother would be upset by your disclosure, say nothing to her. Then forgive yourself, and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I was baffled by your response to "Stressed Out in Whitehall, Pa.," who wrote to you concerning a piano that her sister had given her seven years before and now wanted returned. You practically ignored the piano issue, which was the point of the woman's letter, advising her to return it -- and then went on to give her an abundance of information about the chronic fatigue syndrome she mentioned she was suffering from.

Although I'm sure "Stressed Out" appreciated your concern for her health, she wrote to you about the PIANO. Why should she, immediately upon her sister's request, return a piano that was given to her and that she had kept for seven years?

You excused the sister's rude actions by stating that she may have been unaware of "Stressed Out's" illness. Regardless of her health, if she still plays the piano and derives pleasure from it, I see no reason why she should give it up. The piano was given to her, and her sister will just have to learn to deal with it. -- A FELLOW PIANIST IN HILLSBOROUGH, CALIF.

DEAR FELLOW PIANIST: "Stressed Out" said her sister "insists that she told me seven years ago that she was giving me the piano with the stipulation that if one of her children or grandchildren should decide some time in the future that they wanted to play, I would return it."

As a fellow pianist, you certainly must be aware that a good piano is a big-ticket item. Rather than create ill will on the part of her sister, her niece and her grandniece -- as well as to keep peace in the family -- I advised her to return the disputed piano. I stand by my answer.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In the past three or four months, I have heard that a new addiction is about to be exposed in our society: sexual addiction. Just a few months ago on ABC's television news magazine "20/20," they devoted an entire segment to this subject.

I have been suspicious of my husband for years, but because of his ongoing difficulties with marijuana, alcohol, nitrous oxide, cocaine, and prescription diet and pain medications, I thought maybe the interest in sexually explicit magazines, movies, etc., just went with the territory. After the last go-around with chemical problems, he threw out all the pornography. I was relieved; then I recently discovered more hidden magazines. They are not the kind one picks up at the corner convenience store.

From what I've been able to ascertain, my sexual appetite is normal, but his seems insatiable. When we've been on vacation, relaxing and paying undivided attention to one another (no kids or interruptions), we can make love three or four times a day. And if I don't want to do it again a fifth time, according to him I have a problem! Often when he comes up to me to kiss me, he will grab me, which I have always indicated I don't like. He has always had poor sleep patterns, getting up and down several times during the night, and nearly every time he comes back to bed he tries to initiate sex. When I object and tell him I don't like to be awakened, he often berates and belittles me, sometimes calling me names and saying I'm frigid.

I think if he's getting his information from pornography, not only is it not what I'd call a scientific source, it's a perverted representation of what the majority of the population would call normal. Is this a common problem? I don't feel I am respected, cherished and showered with attention. I am usually tired. You can sign me ... FEELING USED IN GREAT FALLS, MONT.

DEAR FEELING USED: You must love your husband very much to have remained with him through all the tribulations you describe. Sex addiction is nothing new. I have known about it since the early 1980s, when I first learned of the existence of a 12-step fellowship of sex addicts called Sexaholics Anonymous (SA).

Operating in conjunction with SA are the S-ANON International Family Groups -- 12-step fellowships of people who have been affected by the sexual addiction of a family member or friend. A program such as this could provide comfort and direction for you.

S-ANON members are wives, husbands, children, parents, siblings, friends and even co-workers of sex addicts. Banding together in a program based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous, they work to resolve their common problems and to help others recover from the effects of another's sexual addiction.

There are no dues or fees for S-ANON membership. Anyone who is bothered by the sexual behavior of someone in the family is eligible to join. I urge you to attend some meetings.

Those who wish further information about S-ANON International Family Groups should write S-ANON I.F.G., P.O. Box 111242, Nashville, Tenn. 37222-1242, and include a check or money order (no cash, please) in the amount of $1 to cover postage and handling.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)