DEAR ABBY: My purse, containing all my personal identification, was recently stolen. Without my ID, trying to prove I exist has been a frustrating experience.

I was unable to convince the Motor Vehicle Bureau and must go through the whole application process again. I notified the police department about my loss, closed my checking account and canceled all my charge cards.

Also in my purse was a booklet that is vital to my health. On the cover it stated, "If lost, by your mercy, please drop in any mailbox and the family will gladly pay the postage." It has not turned up. As an active octogenarian, my faith in common decency is shaken.

The Social Security office insisted on past medical records, which required my making two trips. My Social Security card and Medigap cards will arrive in due time.

Abby, perhaps your readers can learn from my experience. Tell them to photocopy all charge cards, front and back, and also their car registration and license, a voided check, their Social Security cards, health cards and health records. It can save them untold time and frustration in case there's a loss or theft. -- BELLEFONTE, PA., READER

DEAR READER: It's not necessary for me to tell my readers. You have done it, and very succinctly. However, I'd add one more suggestion: Keep the photocopies in a secure place such as a safe-deposit box.

DEAR ABBY: It gripes me that there's a continuing tendency in the movies and on television to misrepresent the South. Our part of the country seems to be a favorite lampoon target. If we can't laugh at ourselves, we have no right to laugh at anyone. But there are several common portrayals of Southern life that sho' 'nuff rile me!

A common mistake that's made by actors and actresses impersonating Southerners is to use the term "y'all," while speaking to and about only one person. Abby, everyone should know that "y'all" is a contraction of "you all," and obviously is plural. If we say "y'all" to an individual, we are referring to that person and at least one other.

We realize y'all like our accent, and we appreciate it. But a fake Southern accent is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Do it right or don't do it! Hire a true Southerner to advise.

We really can pronounce the letter "r" at the end of a word. We seldom use the phrase "li'l ol'." Few of us go by a double first name, such as "Jim Bob" or "Billy John." Some of us have never tasted a mint julep or sat in a magnolia tree. A number of us regularly wear shoes, at least in winter, and hardly anyone wears overalls anymore (not to church, anyway). Indoor plumbing is almost common now, and inbreeding is actually frowned upon in most circles.

I heard of a woman not far from Birmingham who scored above average on an IQ test! Not to brag, but I, myself, can correctly identify either of those letters three times out of four! Some Southerners don't even like grits. Usually, such people are accepted by society anyhow, except at really important affairs.

I hope this helps you Yankees, etc., to understand us ignorant Southerners a little better. After all, we can't all be fortunate enough to be born north of the Mason-Dixon line. So go ahead and laugh at us. But please do it with respect. Remember that we're trying to understand you, too. And we often do. Except when you talk.

Y'all come! -- BAMA BUBBA

DEAR BAMA BUBBA: You have stated your case very well -- and you have an excellent sense of humor. I'm reminded of the lyric from an old Phil Harris song: "And that's what I like about the South ..."

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DEAR ABBY: I work in a domestic violence/sexual assault center in Pennsylvania. After reading the letter from "Sick and Tired of Voluntary Victims in Oregon," may I offer some facts?

Women who are in abusive relationships are not "stupid." Abuse is sinister and can sneak into a relationship. Getting out is difficult because many women have strong emotional attachments to their partners, and don't want to acknowledge that they are being abused. Abusers are highly manipulative. They may repeatedly promise never to do it again, threaten suicide if the woman leaves, threaten to harm the kids if she leaves, or not allow her to hold a job so she cannot save money to escape. They also may deny her access to transportation.

Sometimes the abuse begins when the woman becomes pregnant. Many women in abusive relationships have no choice about whether to use birth control, especially if the man controls the finances and doesn't allow her enough money to purchase birth control. Also, women in abusive relationships may not have the option to say no to sex.

As for the women who manage to leave -- a few statistics:

Studies in Philadelphia and Chicago reveal that almost one-fourth of women killed by male partners were separated or divorced and 28.6 percent of the women were attempting to leave the relationship.

According to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 75 percent of domestic violence homicides occur AFTER separation. Also, women who call police may encounter responses such as, "Be a better wife and he won't have to hit you."

Abuse is about power and control -- keeping the woman from having freedom of choice. I suggest that "Sick and Tired" look into the issue. Go to the library and check out the women's studies section. It will provide current information about violence against women. Better yet, call your local domestic violence shelter and volunteer. -- IN THE TRENCHES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR IN THE TRENCHES: I agree. Volunteering in a shelter would be an excellent way to learn firsthand about the fear, intimidation and self-esteem issues that thousands of women are facing, usually alone with no support. I received a barrage of responses after "Sick and Tired's" letter and poem appeared in my column.

About 20 percent were from individuals congratulating the writer for having "told it like it is," regardless of the political correctness of her opinion. The other 80 percent came from women who had experienced domestic violence, deploring the judgmental and insensitive attitude of the author.

According to Haven House in Pasadena, Calif., the first battered women's shelter in the United States, 21 percent of all women who use hospital emergency surgical services are battered; 6 million American women are beaten each year by their husbands or boyfriends and 4,000 of them are killed. Battering is the single major cause of injury to women -- more frequent than auto accidents, muggings and rape combined.

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DEAR ABBY: We have a cordial relationship with our next-door neighbors, but we are not close. We are aware that they have been experiencing financial difficulties, but they have never revealed any details and we haven't asked.

About three months ago, we started receiving calls from collection agencies saying that they had not been able to reach our neighbors, and asking us to tell our neighbors to contact them. There have been 15 or 20 of these calls, usually at dinnertime. When I tell them that we have no intention of doing their work for them and embarrassing our neighbors, they become persistent -- even rude.

I am infuriated by this invasion of our privacy, and the harassment to which we are being subjected because these agencies can't do their job. If they have our neighbor's address and have had no response to their letters, they should send someone in person to speak to them -- they shouldn't ask us to do it.

Abby, is this legal? And is there any regulatory agency we can contact to keep from being bothered? -- HARASSED IN SANTA CLARITA, CALIF.

DEAR HARASSED: No, it's not legal. According to the Federal Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, you should have received no more than one phone call.

You can deal with this problem in one of two ways: Call the local office of the Fair Trade Commission and file a complaint, and they will go after the collector. Or, contact the local bar association and consult a consumer protection attorney. My experts tell me that you may be entitled to damages.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother and his wife live next door to us. Until recently, we were all best friends. My sister-in-law and I did everything together.

Not long ago, she accused me of doing something that she later found out I had not done. Even after finding this out, she has not apologized for accusing me. We were best friends for nine years, but now she won't even look in my direction.

I am hurt that she accused me before she got the facts, and angry that she never bothered to apologize. How should I handle this? Can we still be friends? -- NOT SO GUILTY AFTER ALL

DEAR NOT SO GUILTY: Your sister-in-law may be so embarrassed about her mistake that she's reluctant to approach you. Since the friendship is clearly important to you, be the bigger person and make the first move. Tell her you are relieved that she learned the truth, and you'd like to put the incident behind you so you can continue to be close friends.

DEAR ABBY: In regard to the family whose parents failed to keep in touch on a road trip, and therefore couldn't be located when a grandparent died, you advised, "The best policy is to leave a detailed itinerary with friends or family or ... make a point of checking in regularly."

I would like to add another suggestion: Before going on the road, invest in a long-distance pager. The cost is reasonable and can even include a toll-free pager number. Give the number to a couple of trusted friends or family members.

Back this up with voicemail service on your home phone and check your messages daily. If you call during off-peak hours, the cost will be minimal.

That's what I did, and it certainly gave me peace of mind. -- ELLEN K. HOWE, WEST COVINA, CALIF.

DEAR ELLEN: An excellent idea. Thanks for sharing it.

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