DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Beth" is in a variety of sports -- basketball, soccer, etc. Even though she's not a great athlete, she sometimes scores and always enjoys herself.

My parents went to one of Beth's games and seemed disappointed that she wasn't one of the best scorers on the team. This bothered me, but I never said anything. They never went to another game.

Today I received a call from my mother, who hinted that I should take Beth out of any sports that she is not so good in. Abby, Beth is only 9 years old, and my feeling has always been that as long as she wanted to play the sport and tried her best, then we'd stick with it.

I never had half the courage my daughter has as far as starting new sports and events with new people -- and now I think I know why. I'd be grateful to hear your opinion on this. -- ANONYMOUS IN BOSTON

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your mother's thinking is outdated. Involvement in team sports is not only a means of staying in shape, it also helps girls gain self-confidence and self-esteem. Physically active adolescent girls have a good time, improve their body image and feel better about themselves. Starting early is important.

I consulted Linda Feltes, public relations director for the Melpomene Institute for Women's Health Research, a non-profit membership-based organization that helps girls and women of all ages link physical activity and health through research, publication and education. She told me that a University of Virginia study has shown that if a girl doesn't participate in sports by the age of 10, there is only a 10 percent chance she will be physically active by the time she is 25.

Continue to encourage your daughter's participation in sports. She is forming a healthy habit that will probably last a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this in bed, crying. Something is wrong with me. My "attacks" started almost seven months ago. I can't control them and sometimes when I get them, I feel like I'm going to faint or die. I get dizzy, feel like I can't breathe or swallow, and have numb hands and feet. Abby, they are controlling my life and I can't take it.

Sometimes I just want to die because no one knows about these attacks, not even my parents. (I'm in seventh grade.) I'm afraid to tell them because they'll think I'm crazy and take me to a doctor.

I have heard of panic attacks, and I think that might be what I have, since my attacks usually happen in crowded places, when I talk in school or when my hands are restricted -- like at the dentist.

Abby, is this all in my head? What's wrong with me? -- TERRIFIED IN TOPEKA

DEAR TERRIFIED: Regardless of the cause, your symptoms are real. They are not "all in your head," and you are not "crazy." However, only a medical doctor can determine what causes them. I urge you to confide in your parents. Tell them Abby said it's time to schedule an appointment with your doctor. Whether your attacks are physical or emotional in origin, there is help for you. Please don't procrastinate any longer.

CHUCKLE FOR TODAY: A man came into a bar and ordered three shots of whiskey, which he quickly drank, one after the other. When he finished the last one, he ordered three more.

The bartender said, "You know, that isn't good for you."

"I know," the man replied, "particularly with what I have."

"What do you have?" the bartender asked.

"One dollar," the man replied. -- LORETTA YALOWITZ, LAKEWOOD, CALIF.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Mike," the young man who told his friend's parents about their son's drug use, that he did the right thing. May God bless him for it.

When our son was 16, two of his friends told us about his drinking. We tried for three years to get him to stop, but he continued and went on to hard drugs. We were always grateful to those young men, even though we were unsuccessful in getting our son clean. Tell Mike that he did everything he could, and now it's up to the parents to do their part.

I encounter parents all the time who can't accept the fact that their child could be a "user." My son was a functional addict, so getting him to realize his problem became impossible. We kept trying but we failed.

I'm enclosing a letter our son wrote in 1989 to the high school students in our town. In 1990, he was convicted of murder and sentenced to life without possibility of parole. -- JUDITH P. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR JUDITH P.: Thank you for allowing me to share your son's letter with my readers. I hope his experience will provide a warning to others. Read on:

"My name is Daniel. I celebrated my 20th birthday in the Los Angeles County Jail. I've been here for the past nine months awaiting trial. I have been charged with robbery and murder. If I'm found guilty, I could be sentenced to life without parole, but that's not why I'm writing to you. I'm writing to talk about drug abuse. I'm a recovering addict. Just because I'm in jail doesn't mean I can't get drugs. DRUGS ARE EVERYWHERE.

"I started drinking on weekends with my friends. As my friends started experimenting with drugs, I thought, 'Why not?' I had this attitude, 'It's not going to hurt me. I won't get addicted.' You can't understand the control drugs have over you unless you have an addiction. Now that I'm clean, I see the power that drugs had over my life.

"I read someplace that two out of five people who try drugs become addicted. I think it's much higher than that. When people told me that alcohol and marijuana would lead to harder drugs, I just laughed. I started smoking weed in 10th grade, and in the 11th grade I did everything from sniffing glue to LSD. A few months before graduation, I dropped out of school. I was working and having a good time; that was all that mattered. I never thought about the future. I didn't realize that the decisions I was making in high school would affect the rest of my life.

"If you become addicted you will have a crippled future, if you even have one. You could be one of the lucky ones who get help and never go back. I always said that when I wanted to stop, I'd move out of state and stay with a family in a drug-free environment. But the problem was, I was addicted and didn't want to stop. I knew I had a problem, but I didn't want to face it. The most important thing in my life was getting high.

"My first two weeks in jail I received medicine for withdrawal. Nothing in the world is worth the high. It feels good, but let me tell you I don't feel good now. Many of my friends have told me they wish they could stop. I tell them to get out of the fast lane, get help, and start facing reality before they hit their brick wall. Two of my friends hit their brick wall, and now they are six feet under.

"WHAT YOU DO TODAY AFFECTS ALL YOUR TOMORROWS!"

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I will soon be meeting with someone who is writing a biography of his late father. I knew the man well (perhaps too well) more than 30 years ago. I was privy to certain indiscretions that I would never reveal, except that now all the principals are dead.

I don't know what my friend would want now. It may be that he would not want me to reveal what I know. Is there a statute of limitations on confidentiality? Does it end with the death of the subjects, or the death of everyone known immediately to them (i.e., living family and/or friends)? Or does confidentiality last forever?

Journalist friends tell me that in the tradition of their profession, the dead have no privacy. I'm not sure I agree with that, or whether it applies to personal confidences. Courts have ruled that public persons have less privacy than nonpublic persons. Does that apply here?

My friends are divided on this. I'm in the middle. What do you think? -- SITTING ON A SECRET

DEAR SITTING: In general, privacy rights die with the person. My legal experts tell me dead people cannot be defamed. Their good names die with them.

However, in the moral sense, if you kept your friend's secret while he was alive, you should continue to do so. Listen to your conscience and you won't go wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived in an upstairs apartment for seven years. It is convenient to where both my spouse and I work. The rent is affordable, and we have a good relationship with our landlord.

The problem? Two years ago he rented the office directly downstairs to a woman who chain-smokes. He told her when she rented it that he had a no-smoking policy. (I don't know if it was written into her lease or not.) She has ignored the no-smoking policy since day one. After four or five requests from me that she not smoke, she replied that I would "just have to open a window."

Abby, opening a window does nothing. Our rugs and furniture stink. The clothes in our closet stink. Our throats tickle, our eyes burn, and I hate to think of the long-term effects on the health of our 3-year-old daughter.

After the "just open a window" comment, I went to our landlord. He told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to smoke in the building. She stopped briefly, then started again. Back to the landlord I went. She stopped briefly once again, then started again. Back to the landlord again. Now, she simply denies that she's smoking (there's no doubt that she does), and I am tired of bothering our landlord.

The building is very old and nothing short of demolition would keep the smell from drifting up here. The floors are hardwood. I love this place for its rustic charm, and have put a lot of work into making it a pleasant and comfortable home.

Abby, does she have the right to smoke? Don't I have the right to keep my home smoke-free? I am a happy person, but she's making my life miserable. -- FRUSTRATED IN ST. PETE'S BEACH, FLA.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If the non-smoking policy your landlord has been trying to enforce is part of the lease, then your neighbor does not have the right to smoke -- she's in violation of the agreement, and the landlord can insist she move.

If it is not in the lease agreement, and the stench of stale smoke has reached a level you fear could harm your daughter, then you are the one who will have to move.

Your landlord would be wise to choose which tenant he wishes to keep before you make the decision for him.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)