DEAR ABBY: In all the articles I've seen in recent months concerning opening all adoption records, I have never read about the responsibilities of those who wish to find each other. I have only one question: Are you willing to totally accept whatever you find, and to accept that entire extended family as your own?
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Are you willing to include that family, likable or not, in your family celebrations and go to theirs on a regular basis? If your newfound family is in financial need, requires surgery, psychiatric care or a nursing home, are you willing to pay for their care for the rest of your life? Will you visit them -- at their country estate or exclusive country club, or perhaps in a homeless shelter, drug/alcohol treatment center or jail? If you can't accept all the responsibilities of the whole package, don't open the box!
I have no memory of being told I was adopted. I have always known, since "adopted" was a happy word used from the time I was an infant. To my birth mother, I would simply say: "Thank you for not aborting me, for caring enough to give me up to a loving family. I hope you had other children and your life was as full of love as mine." -- I'M NOT LOST, PLEASE DON'T FIND ME, GLENVIEW, ILL.
DEAR NOT LOST: You have written a very intelligent letter. Although I have heard from many adoptees and birth mothers about their desire to locate their lost relatives, I have seen no statistics regarding how many regretted making contact.