DEAR ABBY: I am a mortgage broker, and it is my job to review people's credit history. I am disturbed by the number of people who are mired in credit card debt. I just talked to a couple with four children who had more than $100,000 in credit card debt with an annual salary of $75,000.

This is an extreme case. However, it is not uncommon for people to be caught up in the vicious cycle of paying for things on credit and being able to afford only the minimum monthly payments of these cards. I feel the credit card companies are to blame for all their gimmicks of "preapproved" junk mail, and the consumer is to blame for not being able to throw this mail away instead of signing up. Credit cards encourage people to live beyond their means, creating financial stress in families.

If people are in that situation, I encourage them to call the credit card company to close their account and cut up their cards, except one with a low interest rate or one that is due monthly. If there isn't enough cash to pay for it -- don't buy it!

Use the card for emergencies only. Even though they may have to do without the new outfit or the larger television set, consumers will be happier without the stress that credit card debt can cause. Are there support groups available for "credit junkies"? -- FREE AND CLEAR IN FLORIDA

DEAR FREE AND CLEAR: I don't know about support groups for credit junkies, but consumer credit counseling services are available in most major metropolitan areas. To locate one, look in the Yellow Pages.

According to the Administrative Office of the U.S. Courts, in 1996 a record 1.1 million individuals filed bankruptcy -- up 27 percent from the previous year.

Your "credit card cut-up" is a step in the right direction, but major creditors also want to toughen the nation's bankruptcy code to make it more difficult to simply erase debts without further payment.

DEAR ABBY: "Loving Daughter in Lakeland, Fla." wrote that her father had a college ring he never removed, but at his death she took the ring off to keep in his memory. She asked, "Did we do the right thing?" Your reply, "Yes, without a doubt."

You were wrong. My late wife never wanted her wedding ring removed. When she underwent serious surgery, she said, "Don't let them take the ring off." As death neared, she was concerned that the funeral directors might do so.

When the time came to close the coffin, I leaned down for one last kiss, placed my hand over her cold one, touched the ring and said, "You got your wish. That ring never left your finger since I put it on, years ago."

The body disintegrates after death, but gold is eternal. As long as our civilization survives, in that grave will be a circle of gold, memorializing a love that once existed.

"Loving Daughter's" father must have had a similar bond to his college. The ring should have remained with him throughout eternity. -- ALONE WITH MEMORIES

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your beloved wife. You were honoring your wife's wishes by seeing that she was buried with her ring. "Loving Daughter," however, had never heard her father express such a sentiment. For her to have buried the ring, rather than keeping it to cherish, would have benefited no one.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: When I recently asked to hear from people who kept the ashes of their loved ones, I had no inkling of the blizzard of letters that would hit my desk. It seems I was right when I said the practice was not all that unusual. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: My husband was a wonderful man. When he died, I was too old to drive to the cemetery, and I knew I couldn't care for his grave, so I had him cremated and kept the ashes. However, I do not keep them displayed. They are kept in my bedroom, and every time I dust, I tell him how much I miss him. I am alone now, but happy at 77 years old. -- MARIA IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: My mother died this past June. My father, brother and I had her cremated. Her ashes are in a nice wooden box with a gold plaque stating her date of birth, etc. My grandmother (Mom's mother) was upset because she wanted Mom to be buried in New Jersey with the family. My father suggested that my mother's ashes be buried with my grandmother when her time comes. She loved the idea. For now, though, Mom is on the mantel, and no, we don't think it's strange at all. -- SUSAN IN PRINCE GEORGE, VA.

DEAR ABBY: My son died in 1993. He wanted to be cremated. I have his ashes in a nice urn in a private corner of my house. When the time comes, my husband will have this urn placed in my coffin with me. It will be done at the last closing, so the public will not see. -- ASHES IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: I displayed the ashes of my late husband in a beautiful Chinese urn on the coffee table. Only a select few knew the contents of the urn, among them a man I had begun to seriously date. Rather than being bothered by it, he said he loved anyone who had loved me. And in keeping with that generosity of spirit, when he asked me to marry him, he toasted me by first clinking my wine glass, and then leaning forward to clink the urn. When it comes to love, I am twice blessed. -- J.R. IN BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have had my lovely wife's ashes in my home for two years and 10 months. I'm proud to have them with me. I talk to her ashes and say good morning and good night to them each day. I also kiss her picture when I get up and when I go to bed. I see nothing wrong with this. I miss her so much, and sometimes this helps. We were married 47 years. Anyone who tells me to get rid of the ashes can take a hike! -- ASHES IN BATH, PA.

DEAR ABBY: We are a military family and don't plan to stay in this area. Four months ago, our 2 1/2-year-old son died after a 19-month battle with kidney tumors. The idea of burying him and later leaving him here was unthinkable, so we chose to have him cremated. Because we wanted to make his urn personal, but didn't have much money, we used a bronze box urn and placed it inside a large Winnie-the-Pooh, Joshua's favorite cartoon character, that now sits on Joshua's bed.

Keeping our son's ashes in the house doesn't mean we can't love our other children (No. 2 is due in four months). Likewise, the widow probably still loves her late husband, but that doesn't mean she can't also love the man who wrote to you. He should respect the relationship she once had and not be so threatened. -- ERIN IN TUSTIN, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband balks at doing his household chores, I threaten to put his ashes in an hourglass and keep him working for eternity. I might very well do it, too! -- ELSE MILLER, WILMINGTON, DEL.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last Christmas I was blessed with a visit from my daughter and her family. When it came time for them to leave, however, my granddaughter cried her heart out. We couldn't get the tears to stop until I said, "Let's ask Mom if you can spend part of the summer with me." My daughter agreed, but now I am faced with a problem. The trip entails two or three changes of airplanes.

When I discussed my concern with a friend, she told me that her granddaughter had made a plane trip requiring two airplane changes each way. In order to ensure her safety, my friend gave the flight attendant $40 ($20 for each plane the child was taking). This was done for the return trip also. I was surprised that she had tipped the flight staff, but she assured me that this is what is done today.

Is tipping a requirement to guarantee the safety of a child flying alone, or do the airlines still provide personal attention for children without handing gratuities to the flight staff? -- GRANDMOTHER JUDITH, LAWTON, OKLA.

DEAR JUDITH: Your friend was misinformed. I checked with three major airlines, and all three had similar policies regarding children traveling alone. None of them allows flight attendants to accept tips.

In order to fly alone, a child must be at least 5 years old. There is an additional fee for an unaccompanied child, but it is part of the cost of the ticket. However, fees vary, depending on the airline and the number of connecting flights.

DEAR ABBY: To "Concerned Daughter," whose elderly mother is taking medication she got from several doctors and trading pills with friends, I say: Go to Mom's house, collect her pill bottles, write down the names and phone numbers and contents of each. Make a list of medications Mom swaps with her pals. Call all the doctors and tell them exactly what Mom is taking and who is prescribing what. Ask specific questions and ask each if he (or she) is aware that Mom is seeing Doctors So-and-So. Then mail each doctor a note giving the names of all her physicians and the names and dosages of all her medications.

I am a health-care provider who almost lost one of my patients to this same type of drug addiction. Once I recognized there was a problem and spoke with the doctors, they began to consult with one another. The patient had to be hospitalized and evaluated, and go through a drug rehabilitation program.

Abby, in my opinion, it's an honor to become my parents' protector. They protected me when I was young, and now it's my turn to protect them.

"Concerned Daughter," please take my advice immediately -- you could be saving your mother's life. -- SPOKE UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SPOKE UP: I'm printing your letter for all of the "Concerned Daughters" out there. Your patients are fortunate to have such a caring and proactive health-care provider.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)