DEAR ABBY: On behalf of the National Association for Continence (NAFC), formerly Help for Incontinent People, I would like to thank you for your interest and willingness to help your readers find the information and referrals they need to cope with bladder or bowel control problems. Because you have previously printed letters from our founder, Dr. Katherine Jeter, and former Sen. Bob Dole, more than 100,000 people contacted NAFC for help and information -- more than from any other single source.

We hope you will continue to encourage your readers to seek medical diagnosis and treatment for incontinence. We are still very concerned by how long people are waiting to seek help. Our 1996 membership survey showed that women wait an average of 3.4 years and men 1.8 years before seeing a health care professional. We still receive calls from people who have had this problem for 20 or more years, and their call to us is their first attempt to gain information or to seek help.

Incontinence is a medical condition with many causes. It affects more than 13 million Americans, of whom 85 percent are women. It robs many men and women of their independence and spoils the quality of life for countless others. Incontinence, whether partial or complete, temporary or continuing, is not normal. It is not a disease, it is not part of being a woman and it is not "just what happens" as you get older!

More and more new treatments are being successfully used for all types of incontinence. Dietary changes, bladder retraining, medications, pelvic muscle exercises, biofeedback, electrical stimulation, surgery, collagen implants or pelvic support devices have all been effective in getting people completely dry or, at least, back in control of their bladder habits. When a cure is not possible, selection of the best absorbent product or device and proper skin care will lessen the risk of irritating rashes or embarrassing "accidents."

Miss Van Buren, it is important that your readers expect help from their doctors and persist until they find a physician who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of bladder control problems. Please let them know that NAFC is ready to provide information and referrals to anyone who needs them. -- LYNDA CHRISTISON, MPA, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

DEAR MS. CHRISTISON: I was surprised to learn that an estimated one in four women ages 30 to 59 have experienced an episode of urinary incontinence, and that it occurs in children and young adults as well as the elderly. A broad range of conditions and disorders can cause the problem -- including birth defects, pelvic surgery, injuries to the pelvic region or spinal cord, neurological diseases, pregnancy, childbirth and degenerative changes associated with aging.

Readers who have experienced incontinence or are concerned about someone who has can request a basic packet of information by sending a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope and $2 to NAFC, P.O. Box 8310, Spartanburg, S.C. 29305-8310.

Approximately 80 percent of those affected by urinary incontinence can be cured or improved.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, you published a quotation from Lord Chesterfield. In it, he gave his appraisal of sex. As I recall, it was hilarious. Can you find it and print it again, please? -- LONGTIME READER IN PHOENIX

DEAR READER: Here it is: Lord Chesterfield on sex: "The price is exorbitant, the pleasure is transitory, and the position is ridiculous."

CONFIDENTIAL TO A DEAR FRIEND: Happy birthday, Mimi (Mrs. Arthur) Groman, whose friendship I have cherished since our girlhood days. No one has ever had a more loyal friend.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the woman complaining about the value of a wedding gift reminded me of something that happened to us years ago.

My family declined an invitation to the wedding of a neighbor's son, but we sent a gift -- an expensive crystal bowl trimmed in sterling silver. We had it gift-wrapped and asked the salesperson to send it to the couple with our card.

A couple of months later, we received a note that said, "Thank you for the orange ashtray." We debated and finally decided not to embarrass the couple by correcting their error.

However, we've always feared that they thought we were cheap, and wonder if we should have corrected them.

Perhaps if you publish this, the couple will recognize themselves. They are mature enough by now to view this as a rather funny mixup, which is how we have come to look at it.

I would advise people who send gifts from stores to make sure their card is included inside the package, which we did not. -- CHARLES WELCOME, LOWER WATERFORD, VT.

DEAR CHARLES: Most establishments are conscientious when sending customers' packages, but mistakes do occur. Had you notified the store at the time, it would have contacted the recipients for you and informed them of the error. Now, will the person who sent the orange ashtray please identify yourself?

DEAR ABBY: Now you've gone and done it! For 52 years, I've started each morning with a hug, a kiss and an "I love you" for my wife. I've helped with the housework, complimented her looks and choice of clothes, and sent flowers on non-occasions. I wrote love letters instead of sending commercial cards and tried to fulfill her needs and desires.

Now you reveal, in your answer to "Saying Yes All the Time," that it was all a plot to bed my wife -- all the togetherness was a clever scheme to keep happiness in my bedroom.

Well, I'm guilty. My wife will be the first to acknowledge that. But the loving rewards, even in our twilight years, have been great. -- ALVIN H. LEVIN, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR ALVIN: From the tone of your letter, I'd say there is happiness in every room of your house, and in every aspect of your marriage. Thank you for your delightful "confession." When this is published, Mrs. Levin will be envied by every wife in Scottsdale.

And you, Alvin, should be cloned.

DEAR ABBY: This is for Mavis E. Winter in Laguna Niguel and others who don't have time to brush their teeth before going to the dentist's office. Many years ago, before dentists wore rubber gloves while treating patients, my dentist told me what he did when patients said they didn't have time to brush. He would tell them, "That's OK. I didn't have time to wash my hands either!" -- STILL BRUSHING

CONFIDENTIAL TO "GOOD HOUSEKEEPER WANNABE" IN ITHACA, N.Y.: If you are always the first one to see the dirt, perhaps you ought to clean your glasses. (Abigail Van Buren).

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have met a wonderful, sweet, caring man who says he loves me. He's honest, pulls no punches, is a hard worker and has many other good qualities. We are both divorced adults and we get along beautifully. I think he would make a great husband, but there's a problem: He is a nudist.

He spends one to two Sundays a month at his nudist club. He has invited me to accompany him, but he knows I'm very uncomfortable with this and will not go. He expects me to believe that he just enjoys the sun and is not going to look at other women. When I believe this, I'll show him my oceanfront property in Arizona!

Since we both work, it is difficult for us to see each other during the week. As far as I'm concerned, he's made it clear that he values his Sundays at the nudist club more than he values time with me. I love him, but I can't handle this nudist business, and I'm about ready to call it quits. -- DISGUSTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Contrary to what you believe, most nudists do not go to their clubs to stare at others. Nudist clubs have rules against gawking and other inappropriate behavior. Nevertheless, the lifestyle is not for everyone. If you are not comfortable joining your boyfriend on his Sunday visits to the nudist camp and are unhappy about his going without you, it is doubtful that you are headed for a happy relationship, no matter what wonderful qualities the man may possess.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from Hugo Borreson who said that the civil rights movement in the 1960s "reminds us of how violent white Christians really are." He also includes some 5,000 lynchings that have taken place in history as a supportive example of white Christians' brutality.

It is true that there have been atrocities committed over the centuries by those who call themselves Christians. It is also true that Christianity teaches nonviolence and love toward your neighbor (and your enemy, for that matter). But it is absolutely not true that simply calling yourself a Christian means that you are one.

The Bible says that we will know a Christian by his actions. The traits listed in Galatians 5:22-23 (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) are demonstrated in the Christian. Do you think that the so-called "Christians" responsible for the 5,000 lynchings in history fit this description?

Those who call themselves Christians but do not live like it are often called hypocrites, and rightly so. However, the presence of hypocrites does not discredit the Christian faith. Rather, it brings shame to those who stoop so low as to say one thing and do another. -- VANESSA HARIKUL, 16, MOORPARK, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent response, you asked -- perhaps quixotically -- "How do you say 'Your solution was better than mine' in Latin?"

Try: "Explicatio tua est melior quam mea." -- LETHA COTE, PALM SPRINGS (FORMER LATIN TEACHER)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)