DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old man and I have been dating a wonderful woman my age for three years. We have a great relationship and rarely disagree. I love her for the time we have spent, the experiences we've had and the bond we share.

The problem is that we're at the age when a great many of our friends are married or getting married. I have a feeling that she could see herself married to me, but I have always had a difficult time picturing myself with her for the rest of my life.

I come from a family that has experienced two divorces, which makes me feel very strongly that I do not want to enter into marriage unless I'm absolutely committed and sure it will be 'til death do us part. Also, I have always subscribed to the belief that when you're in love and want to get married, there should be very little doubt that this is something you want to do. I have doubts.

I guess I'm wondering if there isn't someone out there I'm missing, and I don't want to rush into anything that I could regret forever. At the same time, there is nothing better than having someone who cares for you and for whom you care -- it's just not how I imagined things would be.

Am I living in a fairy-tale world, or is there a real love out there, one where there are no doubts? Everyone I know would probably say we have a good relationship and should stay together. I'm interested in what you and your readers might have to say. How do you define love? -- CONFUSED HEART IN MANHATTAN, KAN.

DEAR CONFUSED HEART: When in doubt, don't. Your girlfriend may be hurt at first, but you would be doing her a favor. She will not be happy with a man who doesn't truly love her, and the sooner you set her free, the sooner she can begin healing so she can look for someone who will love her.

To answer your question about the definition of love, I will summarize what I tell my teen readers in the booklet I wrote for them:

"To ask if it is love indicates doubt. Love is sure, and is built on inner realities. Love means liking a person as well as loving. Love is giving, not taking. It is wanting the best for the one you love. Love is on the go. It makes you want to charge out into the world and do, as well as think, big. It doesn't keep you inert, daydreaming and cooped up with only one person.

"Love wants to share. To the one you love, you give your thoughts and your dreams. A new happiness comes with sharing them.

"Mature love is honest and open. As time goes by and you learn more about the object of your affections, your love seems to grow stronger."

When love meets these criteria, then you can be pretty sure it is "real," and then you will want to make plans for the future.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "STRUGGLING STUDENT IN NEW HAVEN": "What matters today is not the difference between those who believe and those who do not believe, but the difference between those who care and those who don't." -- Abbe Pire

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago here in Eugene, a woman was abducted from a small one-employee store. She was forced at gunpoint into the gunman's vehicle. It is unlikely she will ever again be seen alive.

Here is a suggestion that could possibly save lives under these circumstances:

Fall down! That's right -- fall down. And stay down. Anything is better than getting into a thug's vehicle and vanishing. Very few men are capable of lifting a limp body and putting it into a vehicle. And a few screams might help, too. -- MR. HOLLY K. ROBINSON, EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR HOLLY: I checked with the police, who said that in general, "playing 'possum" -- going limp or pretending to faint -- can be an effective way to keep from being taken from "crime scene A" to "crime scene B." The police stressed that one should avoid getting into a perpetrator's vehicle if at all possible. Calling attention to the crime by screaming or crying for help can also scare off some assailants.

They cautioned, however, that every crime situation is unique. The unfortunate store employee had no options, but usually the best way to avoid becoming a victim is to stay alert in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: I was suddenly awakened to the fact that nowhere else did I see or hear of George Washington on Feb. 22, except for reading the heading of your column, "Happy Birthday, George."

It made me stop and think about what has happened to our country when we overlook respectful recognition in exchange for our three-day holiday weekend. It's a sad day for us when we fail to even mention the birthday of the father of our country.

Abby, your "Happy Birthday, George" revived my proud-to-be-an-American spirit, so I hung my American flag out on the balcony of my apartment for all to see. Thank you, Abby, for reminding me and many others, I hope, of our precious American heritage. -- JACK R. ROBINSON, KENNEWICK, WASH.

DEAR JACK ROBINSON: Thank you for your thank-you. Perhaps some formerly forgetful folks will remember to mark their calendars at the beginning of 1998 that on Feb. 12 we honor Abraham Lincoln and on the 22nd we honor George -- and President's Day honors them both.

DEAR READERS: Earlier this month, an incorrect address for ordering "PLEASE CALL POLICE" banners for your car was printed. The post office box number contained an error, and the shipping and handling cost was omitted.

The post office has assured me that orders mailed to the incorrect box number will be forwarded to the correct one, and WCIL has agreed to ship those orders without the $1 for shipping and handling. (One banner is shipped as a premium for a $5 donation, plus one banner per each additional $4.)

In the future, please send your orders to: WCIL, P.O. Box 92501, Los Angeles, Calif. 90009, and include $1 per order for shipping and handling.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You asked readers to tell you about random acts of kindness they have experienced. Well, here's mine. It's the story of a black woman's kindness to a 16-year-old white girl who was lost in Harlem. It was a cold and rainy night late in December of 1944.

My 15-year-old brother and I had gone to visit an elderly aunt in New York between Christmas and New Year's. My brother decided he wanted to go back to Connecticut after a couple of days, but I wanted to stay longer. I thought I knew the city and suggested that he get the train at the 125th Street station to save time. I saw him off and then unknowingly got on the wrong bus to return to my aunt's.

I knew I was in trouble when the bus turned onto either Lexington or Amsterdam Avenue. I had no money. I was the only white person left on the bus. In the back of the bus a group of musicians were tuning up (remember, it was war time and gas was rationed).

I was sitting next to a woman, and I began to cry in absolute terror. The woman asked me what was wrong. I told her I was lost and had no money. She said she'd give me the bus fare, and proceeded to tell me where to go after I got off the bus. I cried harder and told her I was afraid of her people. The woman then offered to get off the bus with me.

We walked across the street together in the cold rain, and she waited with me until a bus came. She got on the bus with me, paid my fare and told the bus driver where I was to get off. The bus driver closed the door behind her, told her that he had taken her a block and demanded that she pay another fare for herself.

I have often thought of this good woman and prayed many, many times that God has been good to her for her kindness to me. I have also tried to show kindness to all people, black or white, that I have worked with or met. I was so distraught, I don't know if I ever thanked her. Writing this letter to you, Abby, is my sincere thanks to this Good Samaritan. -- ANNA HART ZIRUK, BREWSTER, MASS.

DEAR ANNA: With a little luck, your Good Samaritan may see this letter and remember her good deed. Thank you for reminding us that you can't judge the quality of people by the color of their skin.

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Miss X" -- a male pre-op trans-sexual -- to use the women's rest room when dressed as a woman. Bad idea. It is illegal for people to use a public rest room intended for the opposite sex, regardless of how they are presenting themselves.

Speaking as a longtime crossdresser, my idea of transvestite hell would be to get arrested wearing a dress and high heels and have to spend a night locked in a cell with a group of Hell's Angels.

Abby, most women are offended by the idea of men using their rest room regardless of how the man is dressed. I easily pass as a moderately attractive woman, but I respect the fact that I am not wanted in the ladies rest room and I stay out of it.

I suggest that "Miss X" do the same until after the operation. When I am dressed up in public, I find small restaurants and convenience stores that have a single unisex bathroom or a single-stall men's room with a door that locks. -- KANSAS CITY CUTIE

DEAR CUTIE: It will please you to know that I got several complaints for my answer. Thank you for setting me straight.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)