DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, I met a man who seemed to adore me. We fell in love, he gave me a ring, we talked marriage and bought a beautiful home together. Sounds great, doesn't it? Here's the problem: We're not married yet!

I waited four years for him to set a date. He never did, so I finally got up enough nerve to ask him. He replied that he was "nervous" about the thought of marriage. I felt emotionally abandoned by his reply. Since that time, my self-esteem has almost disappeared.

Friends, family and co-workers ask me (especially around Valentine's Day), "When are you two getting married?" I joke and say, "Don't get so worked up -- it's only a piece of paper," but my heart feels like it's breaking because I know marriage is the ultimate commitment of love, and I can't bear to tell them the truth. (I'm good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to marry.)

I still love this man with all my heart, although I know I will probably go to my grave without a wedding band or the children that I long to have.

Abby, please tell your readers who are considering living with their lovers to wait until after the wedding. -- SETTLED FOR LESS

DEAR SETTLED FOR LESS: I'm printing your message in its entirety, although your signature says it all.

You are long overdue in re-evaluating your priorities. A wedding band and children are a lot to give up for a piece of real estate and a boyfriend who can't make a serious commitment.

Perhaps soon you'll reclaim your self-esteem and present your roommate with an ultimatum. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: Last Nov. 11, when we celebrated Veterans Day, I was asked why veterans used to stand facing east at 11 a.m. for two minutes of silence. The only answer I could find was "east is the direction of Europe."

Do you have any background information on this tradition? -- MARK H. GRAMS, DODGE COUNTY VETERANS SERVICE OFFICE, JUNEAU, WIS.

DEAR MARK: Your research was correct. The armistice that ended World War I was signed on Nov. 11, 1918, near Paris, France. Although it was signed at 5 a.m. in a railroad car in the forest of Compiegne north of Paris, the hostilities were not formally ended until 11 a.m.

The custom of facing east was a tribute to the 10 million military personnel who died and the 20 million who were wounded. Tragically, at least 5 million civilians were lost to starvation and disease during that devastating war.

DEAR ABBY: I laughed out loud when I saw the recent item in your column about errors in church bulletins. I thought you might get a chuckle out of the typographical error that occurred in our church calendar.

"BURNING BOWL SERVICE: Jan. 5, 2 p.m. During the burning bowel service you are given the opportunity to let go and release anything unwanted in your life." -- JANE BARNETT, FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR JANE: I'll bet the church was flooded with laughter.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm continually amazed by people who write to you with righteous indignation about gifts that weren't good enough, objects they feel entitled to, or inheritances that they expect to receive.

Don't these people understand the concept of a gift? A wedding (or birthday or Christmas) gift is not an obligation, it is a generosity. An inheritance is not a right; it is a choice made by the benefactors to bestow upon whomever they wish.

I get the feeling that many of your readers would lead happier lives if they would quit worrying about what they think they're entitled to, and concentrated on earning what is theirs and being grateful for the gifts they receive.

My dear grandmother (whom I prefer alive, lucid, happy and loving at the age of 85, rather than tallying whatever her estate might amount to) gave me a plaque many years ago that contains a motto to live by: "Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they will not be disappointed." -- JEFF KURTTI, LOS ANGELES

DEAR JEFF: You make a good point. The higher the level of expectation, the lower the degree of satisfaction.

DEAR ABBY: You said in your column that a felon loses his right to vote. I think your experts need to bone up on constitutional law.

All citizens are allowed to vote as long as they are registered and are not serving a prison term (for felony conviction) and/or on parole. Once the parole has been served and the convict has been discharged from the sentence, his constitutional right to vote is restored.

Voting is not a privilege, Abby, it is a right! -- DON WEST, PARALEGAL INVESTIGATIONS, LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR DON: I checked with my legal expert to be certain that I had not misled my readers. In 47 states and the District of Columbia, upon a felony conviction the right to vote is lost. In many, but not all states, the right to vote is restored upon completion of the sentence or parole. Some states require a pardon or administrative or court procedure before an ex-convict can vote again.

The courts have upheld state laws that prohibit felons from serving on juries, holding elective office and working as peace officers, and have limited other rights. So, while felons are afforded due process of law, their rights may be limited or revoked either permanently or temporarily, depending on the right and the state where the felon resides.

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to the woman whose live-in boyfriend would rather have his ex-girlfriend hem his pants than pay a measly $5 was lousy. You told her to take them to the seamstress when they arrived and pay the money to keep the peace. He's a cheap jerk who cares more about saving a buck than his girlfriend's feelings.

Why should she be the one to do anything differently? He should stop being helpless and self-centered. They both work and neither sews, so let him take care of his own pants. If he runs to his ex-girlfriend for something this trivial, be assured he'll start doing it every time his current girlfriend disappoints him. Peace schmeace! Tell him to grow up! -- SELF-RELIANT

DEAR SELF-RELIANT: I'll tell him, but I doubt if he will change his manipulative ways. Why should he? He has two women bending over backward to accommodate him.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years old and my boyfriend just told me that he loves me. He has opened his heart to me, and I'm afraid that I have nothing to say to him in return.

I know what I feel for him is more than a crush. My emotions are too strong to just "like" him. I love to be around him, I love to talk to him, and I love it when we embrace. I just don't know if I love him.

I know he's not saying this to get me into bed. We were longtime friends before we went on a date. Besides, he's way too shy for that. It took us two months before we actually kissed.

All I know is I cannot concentrate on my school work. I want to talk with him 24 hours a day. When I am with him I feel like I am on cloud nine, and he can pull me out of my darkest moods. Please help me. Do you think that what I'm feeling could be love? -- CUPID-CRAZED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CUPID-CRAZED: You are not the first teen-ager to ask this question. As I explain in my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know," the crazy, mixed-up feelings you are experiencing are better known as infatuation. Infatuation

can possibly be the first step toward love, but is not, in itself, love.

During your teens, you will have a number of infatuations. Through a few of these -- and experience -- you will acquire a better sense of what love is.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Sitting on the Sidelines in New York," whose husband leaves her sitting at the table and dances with every other woman in the room, disregards the fact that she is upset. The reason she is upset -- jealousy, insecurity or whatever -- is unimportant.

If her husband loves her, he'll recognize that his behavior bothers her and change it, or compromise. Otherwise, he is being selfish and having his fun at her expense. It doesn't matter how good he is otherwise, what other people say, or even if his wife's complaints are unjustified. She is upset -- and it needs to be dealt with.

Yes, "Sitting on the Sidelines" should learn to dance is she doesn't know how. Maybe she also needs to work on her self-esteem. But when a partner in a relationship fails to change hurtful behavior, the couple is heading for trouble. I know. I've been there, and the woman I still love is no longer with me because I didn't act on it.

You men out there (and women), please listen to me: If it's hurting your partner and you truly love that person, then stop what you're doing. Discuss it with him or her and solve the problems to your mutual satisfaction. Otherwise, you may find yourself alone. -- LOST MY LADY

DEAR LOST MY LADY: "Sitting on the Sidelines" indicated that her husband is an otherwise affectionate and attentive partner. As you point out, however, he is not perfect. If he were, he would have done exactly as you recommend. You have learned a very valuable lesson, and I thank you for passing it on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 79-year-old woman and I'm in pretty good shape for my age. Even so, I tire more easily these days, and shopping in department stores has become harder than it used to be because there is no place to sit down and rest for a few minutes. My feet and legs get tired, and if I could just sit and rest, I would be able to continue shopping. As it is, I end up taking a catalog and leaving, because I can't walk or stand that long.

With department stores competing so heavily for business, wouldn't you think they could put a chair or two near the cash register for us older folks? -- MAXINE, LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR MAXINE: I would think they could -- and should -- even though space in department stores is very valuable.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)