DEAR ABBY: I can help out your reader who asked why New York City is called "the Big Apple."

Attorney/word sleuth Barry Popick spotted two 1920s articles which clarify that John J. FitzGerald, racing editor for the New York Morning Telegraph -- a leading horse-racing newspaper of the day that later became the Daily Racing Form -- heard "the big apple" mentioned in a conversation between two African-American stable hands in New Orleans (January 1920). The term referred to the New York City racetracks as the big time in horse racing.

FitzGerald picked up the term and popularized it in his newspaper, still in reference to the NYC racetracks.

In the 1930s, black jazz musicians then applied the term to Harlem specifically, and New York City in general, as the big time in jazz.

In 1971, Charles Gillett, president of the New York Convention and Visitors Bureau, revived the term as part of a public relations campaign on behalf of New York City. He readily acknowledged deriving "the Big Apple" from the 1930s jazz scene.

The term itself goes back ultimately to the big red Delicious apples developed in Iowa in the 1870s. They were regarded as something extra-special. And for jockeys active in the "bushes," the New York City tracks represented the big time, the big treat they looked forward to, i.e., "the big apple." -- GERALD COHEN, PROFESSOR OF FOREIGN LANGUAGES, UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI-ROLLA

P.S. I am the former president of the American Name Society. Your 1988 column on "the Big Apple" was the stimulus that led to my research on the term: a book (1991) and two updates.

DEAR PROFESSOR COHEN: Thanks for straightening this out. I heard from several readers offering varied explanations about the origin of the nickname for New York City. Helen Tovey of Summerville, S.C., described a Harlem nightclub called the Big Apple that she had seen in 1936 and which had a big red apple over the entrance. She included a Roxy Theater program, dated Sept. 3, 1937, in which was featured a new dance called "The Big Apple -- introduced by the contest winners from the colleges of North and South Carolina."

I also heard from Barry Popick, author of the article on the Big Apple published in the January/February issue of Irish America magazine, which is fitting since the name was popularized by an Irishman. Mr. Popick related that on Jan. 29, he appeared before the New York City Council in support of a permanent "Big Apple Corner" street sign at West 54th Street and Broadway, John J. FitzGerald's address for the last 30 years of his life. (The measure was approved.)

If anybody has any information about Mr. FitzGerald, Mr. Popick can be contacted at bapopik(at)aol.com. Mr. Popick also mentioned that my original 1988 "Big Apple" column was what got everything started. Howda ya like them apples!

DEAR ABBY: In response to the English teacher in San Francisco who would like to have "frank talks" with her students regarding sex, but is afraid to lose her job. Good! She is an English teacher, not a biology/science or sex education instructor. She should stick to what she is employed to teach. -- BRIAN CHIEDO, DALLAS

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about a recent letter signed "No Justice Served in California." I am a police lieutenant who has been involved in the investigation of child molesters for the past 10 years, and I want you and your readers to know the following about child molesters:

Research, literature in the field and my personal experience have shown that child molesters usually commit many sex crimes involving many victims. Unlike other crimes, delayed disclosure of sexual abuse is the rule -- not the exception. It is common for victims to wait weeks, months or even years before disclosing their abuse. Many states provide for this in their laws that cover statutes of limitations (how long after the crime is committed the offender can be prosecuted).

In Texas, offenders can usually be prosecuted for child sexual abuse for a period of 10 years after the crime is committed, unless they leave the state during that 10-year period. In that instance, the time the offender is absent from the state does not count against the 10-year limit. A few years ago, I was involved in the successful prosecution of a father who molested his daughter when she was a teen-ager. She was married and a law student when she finally disclosed the abuse, 12 years after it happened.

Please tell victims of sexual abuse that it is never too late to tell. The criminal justice system must make every attempt to bring these offenders to justice, no matter how much time has passed. -- LT. BILL WALSH, DALLAS POLICE DEPARTMENT

DEAR LT. WALSH: Thank you for an important letter. All too often victims of sexual abuse are reluctant to speak up because they are frightened or blame themselves for what happened. They are unable to acknowledge that an adult would willfully hurt them, and assume the responsibility for their abuse, which leaves them afraid, ashamed and psychologically isolated. Disclosing the abuse and identifying the perpetrator can be a critical step in the healing process of the victim.

DEAR ABBY: I am a person with a handicap and have recently noticed a trend in theaters that pleases me. Two seats are provided in the back of the theater so that people in wheelchairs and their loved one or friend can attend the movies and sit together.

Unfortunately, sometimes these seats are occupied by able-bodied people. When I have asked someone to give up the seat so my wife and I could sit together, I was refused. This has probably happened to other people, too.

Abby, please advise your readers that these seats are meant to accommodate people in wheelchairs, and able-bodied people should not occupy them. And while you're at it, please thank those theater owners who thoughtfully provide seating for people with disabilities. -- MIKE A. BURK, TERRE HAUTE, IND.

DEAR MIKE: If the seats are clearly marked so that patrons know the purpose of the short row, able-bodied people should sit elsewhere. If the area is not marked, speak with the theater manager about marking them as "Reserved for people with disabilities."

Should you have trouble with a patron refusing to move, talk to the usher.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because I am very disturbed by the lack of morals in our young people today.

Our daughter just became engaged after more than two years of living with her male friend. They didn't have the respect to care what we thought, and they knew how we felt because they were told that we will not visit them where they live. (We do see them at our home.)

They expected us to be delighted over their engagement. I felt it was time they were married, not engaged to live together for yet another year.

I was also surprised that her live-in boyfriend came to us to ask for permission to marry our daughter. (When they are breaking all the old traditions, why believe in this one?)

Needless to say, we were not very receptive, and said neither "yes" nor "no." After all, a few years of living together will not prove that their marriage will last.

I am also upset because our fine "strict" Catholic church doesn't address this subject from the pulpit.

I'd like to add that because of the live-in situation, I will neither have nor will I attend any bridal showers. Nor will I pay for the wedding. I would like to hear your opinion. I'm upset that things are this way and can't really enjoy my only daughter's wedding. -- DISAPPROVING MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Since you asked for my opinion, here it is: Obviously, you are hurting or you wouldn't have written to unburden yourself. Taking this rigid, insensitive, punitive stand will only increase your pain and reinforce your isolation from your daughter and future son-in-law.

You have nothing to gain and everything to lose, including contact with any future grandchildren, if you refuse to accept the young couple's decisions.

If it's not too late, please reverse your harsh decision, apologize to your daughter and her fiance, and enjoy the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about the letter from "Cannot Believe It in Florida," whose family spent more than $500 to entertain 12 wedding guests who collectively gave one inexpensive gift.

The next time she hosts a wedding, instead of seating guests in sections for "bride" and "groom," she should ask if they have given "expensive" or "inexpensive" gifts so she can seat them accordingly. Guests who brought a gift of value equal to the cost of their "admission" can enjoy the sumptuous meal and unlimited beverages, while those whose gifts do not measure up can line up for warm water and stale bread.

"Cannot Believe It" tried to show she has class and taste by describing the lovely wedding at an exclusive club, sparing no expense. But by writing and complaining to you about the unacceptable gift, she showed quite the opposite. -- CANNOT BELIEVE HER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CANNOT BELIEVE HER: I cautioned "Cannot Believe It" against approaching the guests about their gift. I hope she heeded my advice.

DEAR ABBY: I know that this is going to sound like a silly question, but I really need to know: Is the word "harassment" pronounced "huh-RASS-ment" or "HAIR-us-ment"? Even on the news they pronounce it differently. -- BAKERSFIELD, CALIF.

DEAR BAKERSFIELD: Although Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (Tenth Edition) lists two pronunciations for the verb "harass," the first (and preferred) pronunciation is with the emphasis on the RASS. Presumably the same holds true for the noun "harassment."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)