DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Driven to Distraction," whose longtime boyfriend was a television nut, I had to write. Believe me, I know how she feels. I was married twice, and both of my husbands were addicted to television. Both tuned me out for that busy box.

My first husband didn't even care what was on. He just needed the picture and the noise. He said they helped him "unwind."

My second husband bought the largest set he could find and turned the volume up as loud as it would go. A bomb could have gone off in the room and it wouldn't have distracted him.

Once, I even stood next to the TV stark naked. He gave me a quick glance, then turned his head and went back to watching TV.

Please tell "Driven to Distraction" she had better think long and hard before she marries a man who is already married to television.

Please don't use my name or the initials of the town I live in. This is a small town and everybody knows me. Sign me ... EX-TELEVISION WIDOW

DEAR EX-WIDOW: If it's any comfort to you, I received letters from many other "television widows" singing your song. Television can be the subtle thief of precious time -- and he or she who falls into the lazy habit of watching just anything that moves is destined to become an intellectual pauper.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter from the lady in her 70s who had been victimized by telephone scams and had ended up broke and in debt, not daring to tell her husband.

You told her to tell the Mr. because "two heads are better than one in a crisis." You should know that senior citizens have available more "heads" than just their own. Because of the number of older victims in so many different scams, there are ombudsmen in most (if not all) states who will give assistance or put these people in touch with those who can help them.

One of the services available in our area is free legal assistance, which this lady could use. It appears that not very many people, elderly or otherwise, are aware of the various kinds of services that are out there. The only way I became aware is through volunteer work that I do at a local senior center. Our ombudsman follows up on all kinds of abuse claims and counsels on any matter that may be beyond the capability of people like the lady who wrote to you.

Tell your senior readers to find out where their closest senior center is and what services they offer. They do a lot more than provide hot lunches. -- EVELYN TANNER, KAYSVILLE, UTAH

DEAR MS. TANNER: Thank you for a valuable addition to this column.

DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from Dr. Davidson about medical treatment for what he called "social phobia," characterized by fear of humiliation/embarrassment in front of others, took me back to the time I was 14 years old in a Catholic boarding school.

I was very shy, and the sisters suggested I take a course in drama. This required me to stand in front of the class and recite poetry. I could feel my cheeks burning each time I had to perform.

Finally, I confided in my teacher about my embarrassment at blushing. I still remember her response -- after 60 years!

"Annette, there are thousands of women out there who would give anything to be able to blush. Besides, it's very good for the complexion!"

That worked! -- ANNETTE DOYLE, ROLLING HILLS ESTATES, CALIF.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY CHINESE READERS: As is my custom, I would like to wish all of you a Happy New Year. In past years, I have said, "Gung Hay Fat Choy," but several of you wrote to say that is not correct for all Chinese. It was suggested that I convey my wishes as follows: Kung Hsi Fa Tsai; Kung Ho Hsin Hsi; Hsin Nien Kuai Le; San Ni Fei Lo.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with your response to "Too Trusting in Delaware" last summer. You stated that most parents are repaid money they lend to their children. In my experience (and that of 97 percent of my friends and acquaintances), parents of today are not repaid.

You missed the sad point of the letter: that the children are not "dishonest" or "bad" -- they are financially irresponsible. Young people starting out today want everything; they never want to wait. The terms "budget" and "save" are meaningless to them. Borrowing money to buy a computer and Christmas presents is typical of their mentality.

We were brought up to see food, shelter and basic clothing as the only essentials. Today, young people believe that television sets, computers, answering machines, pagers, CDs, videos, microwaves, etc., are required items. Their credit cards are "maxed" out and they need co-signers on loans -- but they continue to buy, buy, buy.

Advice from parents is unwelcome. They only want gifts or "loans." If parents refuse, they are considered selfish. "You have everything and/or lots of money" is the lament. I have learned to respond, "I didn't have everything at your age. I have acquired my possessions (or money) through years of working and saving. Try it!" -- HAPPILY SELFISH PARENT, HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR HAPPILY SELFISH PARENT: You said that you were brought up to see food, shelter and basic clothing as the only essentials, but apparently that message wasn't taken to heart by your own children.

Of course, it's never too late to learn to be financially responsible, so you are not wrong to deny them money for luxuries. But please go a little easier on the young people of today, many of whom were never taught the importance of living within their means.

DEAR ABBY: This is for the woman who says she despises bumming rides: Did it ever occur to her to put a couple of dollars in an envelope and give it to the driver?

I drive, and I never refuse a ride to anyone from our church who asks, but the cold hard facts are it costs me money to drive my car. My insurance is $900 a year. Last year I spent about $800 on repairs, plus gas, oil and parking. There are a few folks (very few) who will slip a couple of dollars into my purse. These people are picked up at their door, rain or shine, and returned there.

For years, my mother lived in Florida. She didn't drive, but she always gave the driver $2 for gas.

Abby, please tell these people to "wake up" -- I am living on a limited income.

No name, please. Sign me ... CHICAGO

DEAR CHICAGO: I'm printing your letter with the hope that those people who are given chauffeur service routinely will see themselves, and reward the driver appropriately.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need your help. Please print this for the people in Edgewater, Fla., to see.

PLEASE DO NOT HELP OUR SON TO SMOKE

Our son is 14 years old, but he looks 18. I have caught him smoking several times. He keeps promising to quit, but I know he is still smoking because I can smell it on his clothes and in his hair. He has lost many privileges since you have been buying him cigarettes.

He is not wise enough at 14 to make this decision, and I need your help in this very important matter.

If he asks you to buy a pack of cigarettes for him, just say, "No, it's illegal!"

If the kids get enough "nos," it might help them to stop. Abby, they are our future leaders. Let's not let them mess up. I read that one out of three people who are addicted to smoking will get cancer.

Thanks for listening. I am signing my name, but please sign me ... A CONCERNED MOTHER, EDGEWATER, FLA.

DEAR CONCERNED MOTHER: I am printing your letter because you represent many mothers (and fathers) who do not want their teen-agers to smoke. I hope this helps, although my mail tells me that nicotine addiction is harder to overcome than alcohol. People who buy cigarettes for underage smokers are doing them no favor.

DEAR ABBY: I want to give recognition to a wonderful person. She is my ex-husband's new wife.

I had conflicts with his girlfriends in the past. Our son lives with him, and it's been difficult for me to deal with another woman telling my son what to do, etc. However, Erica (10 years younger than I am) opened up and told me some background about herself and her family. She shared some frustration and asked for my advice about dealing with my son and similar problems she had with in-laws.

Maybe her discussing these things with me is not proper; I don't know, as I am not well-versed in proper etiquette for extended families. However, Erica embraced me as being an equal part of the family. She is so warm to me and I admire her so much.

I care a great deal for my ex, and we make great friends but a miserable couple. We have put the best interests of our son above everything else, and Erica is mature enough not to be threatened.

I think that she is lucky to have my ex, as he is a wonderful man, but now I also think he is lucky to have her. My son is lucky to have such an open-hearted stepmom.

More divorced couples should think about how the kids feel so torn, like they have to choose between parents. I am so grateful that my son hasn't been put in that position. I want to thank all stepparents who are like Erica. Thanks so very much, Erica. -- DANA WHITESIDE, CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: As a 16-year-old Canadian living in Toronto, I would like to clear up some misconceptions that people have about us Canadians:

1. We don't live in igloos; we have regular beautiful houses.

2. It's not freezing year-round. Yes, it does get cold in the winter, but it also gets pretty hot in the summer.

3. Michael Johnson is not the fastest man in the world! Donovan Bailey is, because he won the 100 meters in the Olympics in record time. And, if memory serves me right, it's always been the winner of the 100-meter race who gets the title of world's fastest man. -- PROUD CANADIAN IN TORONTO

DEAR PROUD CANADIAN: I'm not sure what set you off, but I'm pleased that many Canadians (and particularly Donovan Bailey) will be delighted to see that you've gone on record. Michael Johnson overshadowed Donovan Bailey's Olympic triumph last summer in Atlanta. Technically, Bailey, who ran 9.84 seconds for the gold, is the "world's fastest man." The test will be May 31 in Toronto, when Johnson and Bailey compete in a 150-meter match race.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)