DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with your response to "Too Trusting in Delaware" last summer. You stated that most parents are repaid money they lend to their children. In my experience (and that of 97 percent of my friends and acquaintances), parents of today are not repaid.

You missed the sad point of the letter: that the children are not "dishonest" or "bad" -- they are financially irresponsible. Young people starting out today want everything; they never want to wait. The terms "budget" and "save" are meaningless to them. Borrowing money to buy a computer and Christmas presents is typical of their mentality.

We were brought up to see food, shelter and basic clothing as the only essentials. Today, young people believe that television sets, computers, answering machines, pagers, CDs, videos, microwaves, etc., are required items. Their credit cards are "maxed" out and they need co-signers on loans -- but they continue to buy, buy, buy.

Advice from parents is unwelcome. They only want gifts or "loans." If parents refuse, they are considered selfish. "You have everything and/or lots of money" is the lament. I have learned to respond, "I didn't have everything at your age. I have acquired my possessions (or money) through years of working and saving. Try it!" -- HAPPILY SELFISH PARENT, HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR HAPPILY SELFISH PARENT: You said that you were brought up to see food, shelter and basic clothing as the only essentials, but apparently that message wasn't taken to heart by your own children.

Of course, it's never too late to learn to be financially responsible, so you are not wrong to deny them money for luxuries. But please go a little easier on the young people of today, many of whom were never taught the importance of living within their means.

DEAR ABBY: This is for the woman who says she despises bumming rides: Did it ever occur to her to put a couple of dollars in an envelope and give it to the driver?

I drive, and I never refuse a ride to anyone from our church who asks, but the cold hard facts are it costs me money to drive my car. My insurance is $900 a year. Last year I spent about $800 on repairs, plus gas, oil and parking. There are a few folks (very few) who will slip a couple of dollars into my purse. These people are picked up at their door, rain or shine, and returned there.

For years, my mother lived in Florida. She didn't drive, but she always gave the driver $2 for gas.

Abby, please tell these people to "wake up" -- I am living on a limited income.

No name, please. Sign me ... CHICAGO

DEAR CHICAGO: I'm printing your letter with the hope that those people who are given chauffeur service routinely will see themselves, and reward the driver appropriately.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need your help. Please print this for the people in Edgewater, Fla., to see.

PLEASE DO NOT HELP OUR SON TO SMOKE

Our son is 14 years old, but he looks 18. I have caught him smoking several times. He keeps promising to quit, but I know he is still smoking because I can smell it on his clothes and in his hair. He has lost many privileges since you have been buying him cigarettes.

He is not wise enough at 14 to make this decision, and I need your help in this very important matter.

If he asks you to buy a pack of cigarettes for him, just say, "No, it's illegal!"

If the kids get enough "nos," it might help them to stop. Abby, they are our future leaders. Let's not let them mess up. I read that one out of three people who are addicted to smoking will get cancer.

Thanks for listening. I am signing my name, but please sign me ... A CONCERNED MOTHER, EDGEWATER, FLA.

DEAR CONCERNED MOTHER: I am printing your letter because you represent many mothers (and fathers) who do not want their teen-agers to smoke. I hope this helps, although my mail tells me that nicotine addiction is harder to overcome than alcohol. People who buy cigarettes for underage smokers are doing them no favor.

DEAR ABBY: I want to give recognition to a wonderful person. She is my ex-husband's new wife.

I had conflicts with his girlfriends in the past. Our son lives with him, and it's been difficult for me to deal with another woman telling my son what to do, etc. However, Erica (10 years younger than I am) opened up and told me some background about herself and her family. She shared some frustration and asked for my advice about dealing with my son and similar problems she had with in-laws.

Maybe her discussing these things with me is not proper; I don't know, as I am not well-versed in proper etiquette for extended families. However, Erica embraced me as being an equal part of the family. She is so warm to me and I admire her so much.

I care a great deal for my ex, and we make great friends but a miserable couple. We have put the best interests of our son above everything else, and Erica is mature enough not to be threatened.

I think that she is lucky to have my ex, as he is a wonderful man, but now I also think he is lucky to have her. My son is lucky to have such an open-hearted stepmom.

More divorced couples should think about how the kids feel so torn, like they have to choose between parents. I am so grateful that my son hasn't been put in that position. I want to thank all stepparents who are like Erica. Thanks so very much, Erica. -- DANA WHITESIDE, CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: As a 16-year-old Canadian living in Toronto, I would like to clear up some misconceptions that people have about us Canadians:

1. We don't live in igloos; we have regular beautiful houses.

2. It's not freezing year-round. Yes, it does get cold in the winter, but it also gets pretty hot in the summer.

3. Michael Johnson is not the fastest man in the world! Donovan Bailey is, because he won the 100 meters in the Olympics in record time. And, if memory serves me right, it's always been the winner of the 100-meter race who gets the title of world's fastest man. -- PROUD CANADIAN IN TORONTO

DEAR PROUD CANADIAN: I'm not sure what set you off, but I'm pleased that many Canadians (and particularly Donovan Bailey) will be delighted to see that you've gone on record. Michael Johnson overshadowed Donovan Bailey's Olympic triumph last summer in Atlanta. Technically, Bailey, who ran 9.84 seconds for the gold, is the "world's fastest man." The test will be May 31 in Toronto, when Johnson and Bailey compete in a 150-meter match race.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: How "white" of you! When "A Proud Shoshone" in Wisconsin asked about the origin of the term "Indian giver," you went to the printed reference books. Why didn't you ask a tribal elder?

Our elders have taught us that the term described Native actions in a negative light because whites did not understand them. (There are more than 500 tribes, so a blanket statement or description is impossible and inaccurate.)

In some tribes, if someone admired something, the owner gave it to the admirer. If good will existed, a Native would give a gift to a person. If something happened to destroy that good will or friendship, the Native would take back the gift.

It was a basic, simple act, totally misunderstood by the Europeans, who thought it was terrible and made it more than it truly was. -- A PROUD CHEROKEE/COLVILLE

DEAR PROUD CHEROKEE: You are not the only person who took me to task for printing the Henry Holt Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins' definition of the term "Indian giver." I got a bale of mail on the subject. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The term "Indian giver" has to do with honor. Indians were great gift givers. If the person receiving the gift did something that was dishonorable or otherwise brought shame, the giver could ask for the gift to be returned. The giver did not want to be guilty by association. -- LACY R. BETHEA JR., TUCSON, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: In the Indian culture on the East Coast, you could "borrow" a tool, use it and return it in the Golden Rule tradition.

When the settlers arrived, they brought with them tools never before seen by the Indians, who borrowed them according to local tradition. When the item was returned, however, the Indian was jailed for "stealing" -- and in one case, hanged.

When the Indian would "give" an item to someone because it was praised or needed, the settlers complained when the owner wanted it back -- hence the term "Indian giver."

By the same token, Indians had no knowledge of "orphans," since a child who lost its parents was automatically cared for by relatives. As time went on, and English-style work houses were established for orphans and old widows, the Indians were not able to comprehend such callousness.

Far from being savages, the Indians had a culture that lived with the land for the benefit of all. Different, yes; worse, no! -- R.O. IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps the white settlers used the phrase "Indian giver" with each other when giving something they expected back, just as they knew that when their government gave land to the Indians, the government would eventually take it back.

The same could be said for "Indian" being used as a synonym for bogus or false, for the supposed valuables given to the Indians in trade were often things that had little or no value to the whites who had given them. With the passage of time, the victims were blamed with these false labels.

Make sense? I am not an Indian. -- SEEING RED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: The expression "Indian giver" refers to the early U.S. government giving land to the Indians through signed treaties, then breaking the treaties. It happened over and over again, from one end of the country to the other until nobody could trust the government treaties.

The expression "Indian giver" does not insult American Indians, but points to the early U.S. government's and settlers' wrongdoing. I hope you'll print this for "Proud Shoshone" as a step toward righting some wrongs. -- PATRICIA S., EUGENE, ORE.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)