DEAR ABBY: I have a problem and need your advice. My husband wants me to lie to his parents, and I would feel uncomfortable in this lie. He says this "white" lie is necessary if we are to maintain a harmonious relationship with them. We don't see them often, so perpetuating the lie would not be too difficult, but I feel guilty about it just the same, and I wonder if the web of deceit we are weaving will entangle us one day.

We have been attending a church that is not the same faith as my in-laws. If they knew it, they would be very hurt -- especially since they want their grandchildren to grow up in their faith.

Both churches are Christian churches, and there are more similarities than differences. Because of these similarities, I think my in-laws would get over our attending this church if they knew; my husband disagrees.

I like this church, especially the programs for our children. My husband, however, feels a loyalty to the religion in which he was raised. Because of this ambiguity, he does not want to tell his parents because they might believe he has abandoned his faith, which would not be entirely true.

Abby, do you think it would be OK to tell a lie if it prevents hurt feelings and friction within the family? My husband thinks so. -- ANYTOWN, U.S.A.

DEAR ANYTOWN: You and your husband are adults and should not feel it is necessary to lie to his parents for any reason. "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!" (Sir Walter Scott)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I recently bought a house together. We share all the cooking and cleaning. Prior to "us," he was living with a girl for 10 years, and I was married for 15 years.

His former girlfriend was completely domestic, and I'm totally the opposite. I'm a successful small-business owner with a very busy schedule.

Recently he asked me to hem a pair of his work pants. I said that I'd have my seamstress do it, but it would cost $5. He refused to pay for it, saying his former girlfriend would be more than happy to do it for nothing.

I am furious! I'd rather pay $100 than allow her to think she's taking care of my man's needs. He refuses to fight over this and is ordering a new pair of pants. What should I do? -- SUZIE IN CANADA

DEAR SUZIE: When the new pants arrive, if they solve the problem -- give him a hug. However, if they don't solve the problem, don't needle him. Since sewing is not one of your many talents, when the new pants arrive, quietly take them to your seamstress. Five dollars is a small price to pay to let sleeping dogs lie.

DEAR ABBY: I hope "A True Friend" reconsiders trying to help her friend who wears heavy makeup by telling her about it "for her own good."

I have an attractive, intelligent friend who also wears very heavy makeup. I had often wondered why she didn't realize that the shade was too dark and was applied a little too thick, but thank God, I was never so bold as to mention it to her.

One afternoon I went to her home unannounced, and she came to the door without makeup. Much to my surprise, she had a bright-red port-wine birthmark that covered half her face.

Abby, instead of suggesting that they go together for a professional makeup to learn the "latest tricks," your suggestion to accept her for the inner qualities that make her special would have been sufficient ... and is darn good advice for all of us. -- A TRUE FRIEND, TOO

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 14 years. He is a good provider and a loving father to our two children.

We are part of a social circle that entertains frequently, and that is where the problem lies. My husband dances with every woman at the party while I sit at the table watching him make all kinds of sexy movements with them. He doesn't ignore me completely, but I am uncomfortable watching him touch all these other women.

If I say anything, my husband argues that I am the one he goes home with, buys the jewelry and gifts for, and comes home to every night. He says my disapproving looks spoil his fun, and claims he just likes to have a good time.

He shows his affection toward me when we are alone. We go on vacations together frequently. He says he loves me and the children and that our marriage is forever. But this dancing thing is bothering me.

How do I handle this? Should I just not pay attention, or try to give him a dose of his own medicine (but I am not the type to go around asking every woman's husband to dance)? -- SITTING ON THE SIDELINES IN NEW YORK

DEAR ON THE SIDELINES: Your husband is acting as though he has nothing to hide, and apparently he doesn't. He comes home to you every day and is affectionate and generous in word and deed.

Since no one else reacts negatively to his dancing, evidently he is not behaving inappropriately. Consider taking some lessons, thereby making yourself a more interesting and enjoyable dance partner. Then perhaps your husband will ask you to dance more often.

DEAR ABBY: This is another true story about a kind act from a man of character: Harry S. Truman.

Many years ago, I was a young Army wife traveling with an infant. I was at Washington National Airport, having been bumped from my connecting flight, badly in need of a bathroom, but I could not leave my baby alone.

A gentleman sitting on the bench with me saw my distress and said, "I will be here for the next half-hour and I am experienced in child care, as I have a young daughter." His face was familiar, but I could not place it until the loudspeaker blared, "Senator Truman, please come to the desk." As he left, he said, "Don't worry, I'll be right back."

He was true to his word, and I felt very comfortable letting the man who had recently been nominated for the vice presidency baby-sit for me. When I returned, he proudly said, "Your baby needed a change, so I found your diaper bag and took care of everything."

How the world has changed! -- NANCY HERTZBERG, PALM BEACH, FLA.

DEAR NANCY: What a wonderfully warm memory of President Truman. Obviously, he could be counted on to do whatever had to be done in any situation. Thank you for sharing it.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the woman whose husband talked too much reminded me of a humorous incident in which I was involved.

Some years ago a new priest was appointed to our parish. Shortly after he arrived, my wife invited him to our home for dinner as a welcoming gesture. As a special treat, she also invited another couple who were mutual friends. The wife had been a parochial school classmate of the priest, and the husband had been his fraternity brother at the university before he decided to study for the priesthood.

Abby, I love this woman like a sister, but I've often said that she's the only person I know who talks more than my wife. All through the cocktails, hors d'oeuvres and well into dinner that woman dominated -- no, she monopolized -- the conversation.

After we finished the main course, the women went into the kitchen to prepare dessert. At this point, the priest turned to the two of us and said, "You know, celibacy isn't all that bad!" -- NO NAME OR TOWN PLEASE

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DEAR ABBY: I work at the customer service desk at a popular shopping mall, where I see some very disturbing things. For example, lost children are brought to us until their parents miss them and seek help. It's not uncommon for parents to leave small children watching a display, telling them, "Stay right here -- I'm going to do a little shopping." Children have little conception of time, and will sometimes panic, thinking they have been abandoned.

When they finally locate their lost children, the parents get angry at the kids -- often spanking them and verbally berating them for getting lost. Don't they realize that it's the adults' responsibility to keep their eyes on their child -- and not the other way around?

Something else we see all too often is a parent telling the child, "If you don't behave, that policeman -- or security guard -- will get you." This makes children afraid to approach a policeman if they need help. I have seen children ask complete strangers to help them find their mommy rather than Security because they are afraid of policemen.

I don't have any children, but I feel lucky to be able to dry the eyes of lost children and help them find their parents. What if they asked for help from the wrong person? Like it or not, there are a lot of evil people out there just looking for the opportunity to abduct a lost child.

Abby, this may be too long to print, but I know you can shorten it and say it better. Perhaps seeing this in print will open some eyes. -- JAN BRANDENBURG, CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR JAN BRANDENBURG: Your letter required no editing. It is perfect just the way you wrote it. Thank you for a valuable letter and a plainspoken wake-up call to many parents who need to see it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law phones me daily. The calls are answered in case of emergency, but if I don't make an excuse to cut the conversation short, she can interrupt my day to the tune of 40 minutes or more.

Several years ago I asked her not to call so often. Much as I love family, I have friends, kids, hobbies, cooking -- in short, a life. I call my own mother weekly, not daily.

Even her own kids say she can never get enough. If you call her, it's not often enough; same for a visit, except you didn't stay long enough or eat enough food. She's retired now, so it's gotten worse.

How can I get her to leave me alone and get a life? I am ... STILL MAKING EXCUSES IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STILL MAKING EXCUSES: Get an answering machine and screen your telephone calls. Your mother-in-law can leave a message. And you can return her call at your convenience.

DEAR ABBY: I am an elderly widow who lives alone. I'm writing to share a special kindness one of my daughters does for me.

Sue visits me for a weekend about once a month. When she comes, she brings a collection of one-portion frozen treats that reflects her cooking during the month. There are portions of her big batches of soup, spaghetti sauce with meatballs, stews, etc. I no longer cook things like that just for myself, so they are welcome indeed. She says that when she's cooking, it makes her happy to put aside a serving for me.

Every time I take one of her entrees from my freezer, I'm reminded of her love and thoughtfulness, and what a lucky mother I am. Don't you agree? -- PATRICIA MURPHY, WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR MRS. MURPHY: Absolutely! Count your blessings. You have the luck of the Irish.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)