DEAR ABBY: I am really confused. I am 21 years old and I have two small children. I got pregnant and married at 17, so I haven't had much experience at life. I felt if I was woman enough to get pregnant, I was woman enough to take care of the child and raise it as best I could -- and I am doing that.

It never bothered me that I didn't have much of a teen-age life because I had been through a lot and had grown up fast. My husband, on the other hand, was not at all ready for a family. He married me, but when my baby was 8 months old he started messing around, so I left.

When I came back, things were OK -- but then he started drinking a lot and got both mentally and physically abusive. Things just seemed to get worse and worse, so I kicked him out. Then I found out I was pregnant with our second child. I didn't know what to do. He was living with some other girl and still coming to my home, making my life a living hell.

Then he told me he wanted to come back to his family -- so like a fool, I took him back. After my second child was born, I thought things were all right. But then I discovered that he was still seeing the same girl and that she had a baby. He swears it's not his; she says it is.

Now he has decided that he's finally ready to be a father and husband. I don't know what I want to do. I have held on and been through so much for him. But I don't trust him and don't know that I ever will. I don't have the same love for him that I once did.

Should I continue this relationship? Should I call it quits? Do you believe someone can change his whole way of life in only a few short months?

Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- LOST IN JACKSON, MISS.

DEAR LOST: A person can make great strides in changing his or her attitudes if there is sufficient motivation -- but considering your husband's history, I wouldn't bank on this reconciliation. Continue this relationship only on the condition that he agrees to joint marriage counseling with you, and that he make it possible for you to continue and complete your education. That way, if things do not work out, you will be able to support your children without having to depend on him. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: Your column reaches so many people and is so effective, I have a request I would like to get out to people.

As I visit in a local nursing home, I see a tremendous need for help. So many of the people are lonely for someone to share with.

They love to tell you about their past, and many never get to go outside because the nurses and aides are too busy to take them out for a walk. Each time I take my friend out in the fresh air and sunshine, I can see a difference in her. I live in a warm climate and can do this often.

Even if people just visit and listen to the residents for a while, the people love the attention. Often there are organized activities the director needs help with, if people are reluctant to visit on a one-to-one basis at first.

If any of your readers are looking for a way to cheer up someone else and feel better in return, I suggest they look for ways to help others. Maybe a nursing home is not their answer, but many people need help in various ways.

My plea to your readers: Look for a way you can be of service to another. You will be blessed. -- MABLE'S FRIEND IN FLORIDA

DEAR MABLE'S FRIEND: For years I have pointed out the many rewards of volunteerism. I know from personal experience the satisfaction that is derived from reaching out to others, and I recommend it to those with time on their hands and charity in their hearts.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your series of columns on "Just Say No" amazed me. I was not aware that there was a shortage of ways to say it.

Any woman over 35 will be able to come up with at least a couple of hundred, since she uses at least one every day. My wife, who shut off intimacy 10 years ago, can furnish you with at least 1,000 suggestions.

Some of her favorites are: It's too late; it's too early; we'll wake the kids; the kids aren't asleep yet; I'm too tired; you're too tired; we just did; I've got a headache, a stomachache, a toothache, a backache ... whatever. I ate too much; I'm hungry; I drank too much; I didn't drink enough; it's too cold; it's too warm; I have to get up early; my legs are sore; my arms are sore; I just had my hair done; I should wash my hair; the bed's too hard; the bed's too soft; let's wait until next weekend; let's wait until next month; let's wait until next year.

I was told that a recent survey concerning sex showed that 90 percent of women over 35 in the USA have no interest in sex, while 96 percent of the men do, and that includes guys over 60.

So we can just forget all this nonsense about females not knowing how to say "No." It's pretty obvious that all of them are experts -- so much so that the majority of the male population over 40 is mired in chastity, thanks to a sexless majority of women. Sign me ... JUST SAY NO, MY FOOT

DEAR JUST: I am inclined to be suspicious when it comes to sex surveys. Those who do often say they don't. And those who don't sometimes say they do.

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from "Caring Grandparents, Nashua, N.H." made me sick to my stomach. They described how their son-in-law would play "tickle-tickle" constantly with their 3-month-old granddaughter.

I was once married to a tickler who used to constantly torture our infant daughter (and me) with tickling games. Unfortunately, I found out that while I was away at work, this sicko was "tickling" my daughter in inappropriate places. She told me when she was a toddler. I confronted him and threw him out immediately. Later during the child abuse investigation, he flunked a lie detector test.

Now after much counseling, my 11-year-old and I have learned that tickling can be a form of abuse and often masks a child abuser in the making.

Be aware: An innocent "game" could be masking something far more harmful that may cause repercussions through the victim's life. -- VICTORIA IN L.A.

DEAR VICTORIA: You are to be applauded for listening to your child and taking appropriate steps to protect her.

As I pointed out in my answer to "Caring Grandparents," pediatric specialists say that excessive tickling often results in inappropriate stimulation, and should be discouraged.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to your answer to "Sad in the Midwest." She had purchased a piece of jewelry for her closest friend after receiving some money from an inheritance. The friend wore the jewelry only occasionally, so "Sad in the Midwest" wanted to buy the jewelry back.

I don't think she should request the jewelry back. When I receive a piece of jewelry, I treasure it so much that I wear it only on special occasions because I am afraid of losing it.

My mother-in-law has hurt my feelings in the past because I'm reluctant to wear my better jewelry often, but I feel I have a valid point. Maybe "Sad in the Midwest's" friend feels the same way. -- TEXAS LIL

DEAR TEXAS LIL: Thank you for the input. Many other readers also disagreed with my answer. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I can hardly believe the advice you gave "Sad in the Midwest" to offer to buy back the jewelry she originally gave her friend as a gift. Although "Sad" may have seen her friend wear the jewelry only three times, it does not mean her friend has not worn the piece of jewelry in her absence. Nor does it suggest her friend does not appreciate or cherish the gift.

When you give people a gift, it is theirs to do with as they wish; surely she does not expect her to wear it every day. For her to offer to buy the jewelry from her friend is declasse. If "Sad" liked the piece of jewelry as much as she indicates, she should have bought it for herself. I would suggest that instead of offering to buy it, she ask her friend if she can borrow the piece and have it copied by a jeweler. -- MICHELLE M. HURLEY, COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR MICHELLE: Mea culpa! How do you say, "Your solution was better than mine" in Latin?

DEAR ABBY: Please add this to your collection of "acts of kindness."

Back in 1990, I saw the movie "Crazy People," starring Dudley Moore. It was about people with mental illness bonding together to become productive citizens. This movie sent a clear message to the public that mental illness is just that -- an illness.

Since I suffer from clinical depression and have for most of my life, I wrote a letter to Dudley Moore telling him how much this picture helped me. To my surprise, a few months later, my phone rang and I heard, "May I please speak to Carol? This is Dudley Moore calling."

Abby, he was so interested in my illness, so supportive and caring. He was modest and sincere. I can't tell you what a big help it was knowing that someone of his fame still cares for those who fight a daily battle with mental illness. It made my day. -- CAROL ANN IN BETHESDA, MD.

DEAR CAROL ANN: Thank you. Your letter made MY day.

DEAR ABBY: I have a perfect response for "Speechless," the woman who didn't know how to respond to her mother-in-law's "Did you miss me" question: "Yes, but my aim is getting better!" -- MISSED MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IN NEW JERSEY

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)