DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to your answer to "Sad in the Midwest." She had purchased a piece of jewelry for her closest friend after receiving some money from an inheritance. The friend wore the jewelry only occasionally, so "Sad in the Midwest" wanted to buy the jewelry back.

I don't think she should request the jewelry back. When I receive a piece of jewelry, I treasure it so much that I wear it only on special occasions because I am afraid of losing it.

My mother-in-law has hurt my feelings in the past because I'm reluctant to wear my better jewelry often, but I feel I have a valid point. Maybe "Sad in the Midwest's" friend feels the same way. -- TEXAS LIL

DEAR TEXAS LIL: Thank you for the input. Many other readers also disagreed with my answer. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I can hardly believe the advice you gave "Sad in the Midwest" to offer to buy back the jewelry she originally gave her friend as a gift. Although "Sad" may have seen her friend wear the jewelry only three times, it does not mean her friend has not worn the piece of jewelry in her absence. Nor does it suggest her friend does not appreciate or cherish the gift.

When you give people a gift, it is theirs to do with as they wish; surely she does not expect her to wear it every day. For her to offer to buy the jewelry from her friend is declasse. If "Sad" liked the piece of jewelry as much as she indicates, she should have bought it for herself. I would suggest that instead of offering to buy it, she ask her friend if she can borrow the piece and have it copied by a jeweler. -- MICHELLE M. HURLEY, COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR MICHELLE: Mea culpa! How do you say, "Your solution was better than mine" in Latin?

DEAR ABBY: Please add this to your collection of "acts of kindness."

Back in 1990, I saw the movie "Crazy People," starring Dudley Moore. It was about people with mental illness bonding together to become productive citizens. This movie sent a clear message to the public that mental illness is just that -- an illness.

Since I suffer from clinical depression and have for most of my life, I wrote a letter to Dudley Moore telling him how much this picture helped me. To my surprise, a few months later, my phone rang and I heard, "May I please speak to Carol? This is Dudley Moore calling."

Abby, he was so interested in my illness, so supportive and caring. He was modest and sincere. I can't tell you what a big help it was knowing that someone of his fame still cares for those who fight a daily battle with mental illness. It made my day. -- CAROL ANN IN BETHESDA, MD.

DEAR CAROL ANN: Thank you. Your letter made MY day.

DEAR ABBY: I have a perfect response for "Speechless," the woman who didn't know how to respond to her mother-in-law's "Did you miss me" question: "Yes, but my aim is getting better!" -- MISSED MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IN NEW JERSEY

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I agree with your answer to "I Speak Spanish in New Mexico." Why are some people in this country so determined to speak another language in front of other people, knowing that it could be considered rude?

For this country to be united, we need to be able to communicate with each other. A common language makes sense, and I believe that all individuals in this country should use a common language. Individuals, organizations (such as religious organizations) and the government should encourage this. There are problems in this country that are difficult to solve, but this is not one of them.

If I moved to Mexico, I would learn to speak Spanish if for no other reason than to show respect for that country. If you live in the United States, please learn the language. -- RICHARD WATSON, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR RICHARD: I suspect that many people who speak a foreign language in the presence of those who do not understand it are ignorant of the fact that they are being rude.

A common language brings people together. Historically, learning English was a priority for German, Italian, Russian, Chinese and Japanese immigrants (to name a few) because it helped them participate in the communities they joined. And because the United States is still predominantly an English-speaking country, that practice should continue today.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps you will indulge me by printing one more letter regarding the English/Spanish controversy.

I have been unable to obtain work in Southern California despite 14 years' experience, excellent references and a willingness to work. The reason: I cannot speak Spanish.

Property management is my specialty. After attending classes for seven years while working full time, I received all of the certification that the National Apartment Association offers.

Advertisements in the papers state, "bilingual only need apply." Why must an American-born, English-speaking person be required to speak a foreign language to qualify for employment? I would like to see your response, and perhaps the response of others who have been denied employment because they speak only English. -- UNHAPPILY RETIRED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNHAPPILY RETIRED: Employers must be practical. Because California has a large Spanish-speaking population and many businesses depend on Spanish-speaking customers and subcontractors, they need employees who can speak Spanish. It's a matter of economics.

DEAR ABBY: I was having a conversation with an elderly Hispanic gentleman recently when a man approached us from 100 feet away and admonished us to speak English because "we're in America now, you know."

I replied: "Why? Because you're too stupid to learn a foreign language? We weren't talking to you or about you. Besides, there wouldn't be much point because this gentleman doesn't speak English."

In a recent column you stated that it is extremely rude to speak a foreign language in front of someone who doesn't speak that language. However, what is even more rude is listening to someone else's conversation when they aren't speaking to you. -- DAVE WILLIS, DALLAS

DEAR DAVE: When I said that it's rude to speak a foreign language in front of someone who doesn't speak that language, it was in the context of a social situation in which there were four people. I was not talking about two individuals having a private conversation in a public place.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the divorced father of two sons, ages 8 and 11. My ex-wife and I are both remarried and I get to see the boys quite often, as their mother and I maintain a fairly civil relationship. The boys live with their mother and her new husband.

Quite often when I call to speak to one (or both) of my sons, I am told they are being punished for some infraction, so they are not allowed to speak to anyone on the phone during this period.

Abby, I contend that I am not just "anyone" -- I am their father.

I do not call often, and I like to keep up with their activities. And if they are having some problem, I would like to speak with them about it. I might add that I have no problem with disciplining the boys. They are normally well-mannered.

I feel that I am being used as part of their punishment, which is unfair and I resent it. Am I wrong? I will abide by whatever you think. -- A LOVING FATHER

DEAR FATHER: I agree with you. Punishing your sons by refusing to allow them to speak to you on the telephone is not only unfair to you and to them, it also may backfire on your ex-wife. Children of divorced parents need access to both parents without intervention from either one of them. And if they are deprived of it, they often end up resentful of the parent who tries to enforce the separation.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Pet Peeved, Martinez, Calif.," who complained because she has five cats and two dogs destroying her home. She works full time, she's pregnant and worried about her baby's safety.

Abby, she's not the victim; she's part of the problem.

I work full time, have three cats, three dogs, four children and a husband. There's romping and chasing around, but I can thankfully say none of them are destroying the house.

I have found that people with unruly pets generally have unruly children. They didn't come that way, but their parents took the shortcut. Training both children and pets takes time, but the benefits are beyond measure.

Before I married, I took my dog to obedience class. The first thing I was told was that it takes patience to teach a new behavior, consistency in what is expected, and most important -- reward the dog with praise, praise, praise for correct behavior. Either ignore the bad behavior or do a quick correction and then stop nagging.

Dog training also taught me how to raise my children. While a child or pet is learning a new behavior or task, we repeat it many times. We never attempt to make corrections when we are stressed or short-tempered. Most children, pets, husbands and wives hear only what they are doing wrong. In our house, if someone makes a mistake, there is a quick correction followed by praise for what they are doing right. No nagging, no reliving it over and over.

It's important, Abby, to save the pets and children that are running wild, not just dispose of the pets and give up on the children. -- PATIENCE, CONSISTENCY AND PRAISE IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR PATIENCE: Not all of us are born with the skill to be an effective parent, any more than we are put on earth with an inborn ability to train our pets. That is why classes on these subjects, which are available in almost every community, are so important. Books and videotapes are also available. There is no excuse for not learning the fundamentals. Thank you for sharing your insight.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)