life

Ten Commandments Provide Powerful Words to Live By

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 5th, 1997 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I read in a newspaper that a poll was taken in which 1,500 people were asked if they could quote the Ten Commandments. Only a few could come up with three, or four at the most. Many of those questioned said there was no way they could remember all of them.

Abby, will you please print the Ten Commandments? You may use my name. -- LINDEL SEXTON, OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR LINDEL: According to the Book of Exodus in the Old Testament, the Ten Commandments were given to the Israelite leader Moses on Mount Sinai. They are as follows:

1. I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day to keep it holy.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house; thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.

life

Dear Abby for January 05, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 5th, 1997 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from Mr. Harry C. Williams Jr. of Nashville, Tenn., who refuses to shake hands with people he visits in the hospital for fear of transmitting germs.

As a professional health-care chaplain in a hospital setting, I too am very conscious of the spread of infection through person-to-person contact. However, studies have shown that people are starving for the caring touch of another human being. An appropriate touch such as a gentle handshake, or holding the hand of someone who is ill can be healing to that person.

Frequent hand washing is a must for anyone who touches others, especially in a hospital or other health-care facility, but to forgo all contact of skin with skin is not conducive to the healing of the spirit, which is vital to overall good health.

So let's continue touching as appropriate, and practice good hand-washing techniques. -- CHAPLAIN BOB BURNS, FLORIDA HOSPITAL WATERMAN, EUSTIS, FLA.

DEAR CHAPLAIN BURNS: I was touched by the number of health-care professionals who wrote to defend the practice of gently holding the hand of a person in a health-care facility. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While it may be true that inadequate hand-washing is a common cause of spreading infection, this should not prevent visitors or doctors from shaking or holding a patient's hand.

Most patients feel isolated, and denying them what little physical contact they receive is not the answer. A far better solution would be to touch the patient, then wash your hands before touching your face, or another patient.

Patients would rather see you wash your hands after a visit than be treated as an untouchable. -- A HEALTH-CARE WORKER IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

life

Dear Abby for January 05, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 5th, 1997 | Letter 3 of 3

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

life

Parting Won't Be Sweet Sorrow if Temperamental Lover Leaves

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 4th, 1997 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I literally bumped into a very good-looking guy (I'll call him TLC) at the corner grocery store one afternoon last February. We hit it off from the moment we met. After a few dates, I asked him to move in with me and he accepted.

I own the home that we share and I'm financially stable. I don't need a roommate to meet my financial obligations. I pay the mortgage and TLC buys the groceries.

Things went well for a couple of months; then he lost his job and has been self-employed since, although his work is not steady.

Lately TLC has become very temperamental. We haven't been intimate since July. He says he feels inadequate because he isn't "part" of the household, yet he rarely follows through on chores he has promised to do. He also has a very annoying habit of changing his mind at the last minute when we've made social or travel plans.

Abby, I am very happy with my job and enjoy life in general, but this man's temperament and indifference to sex are driving me crazy.

We talk, but so far haven't resolved any issues. I've suggested counseling, but he's not interested.

Should I tell him to hit the road? -- NO TLC IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR NO TLC: It seems to me that you are giving far more than you are getting from this arrangement.

You are not married to this man, and nowhere do you say that you love him. Pack his bags and present him with a road map.

life

Dear Abby for January 04, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 4th, 1997 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: "Torn in Olympia, Wash.," whose wife is in a nursing home suffering the devastation of Alzheimer's disease, doesn't need to walk in a marathon or join a support group. It's easy for others to tell someone else not to feel guilty. But the fact that his children, brothers and sisters are supportive is further reinforcement from those who matter that most will approve of his relationship with his female companion.

What an honorable man he is to continue his visits despite the fact that his wife no longer recognizes him. Nursing home visits are far more painful for the visitors than they are for the patients.

Please, "Torn," enjoy your twilight years. You have more than earned them. I am a firm believer in fate. If it weren't meant to be, your neighbor wouldn't have been this lovely lady who has lifted your spirits and made you feel alive again.

If your wife were able, she would surely give you a "two thumbs up"! -- P.C. IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR P.C.: I appreciate your compassionate attitude. However, many readers were far less charitable. I received a lot of criticism for my "liberal" attitude.

life

Dear Abby for January 04, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 4th, 1997 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired dentist and I sympathize with the dental hygienist who complained about patients coming to the office with dirty mouths. I have a suggestion that, used with diplomacy, would solve her problem as well as provide a better service for her patients.

Give them a toothbrush and some floss before, instead of after, their appointment and have them clean their mouths "like they do at home." Then she could point out any areas they may have missed, or compliment them on having done such a good job. -- EUGENE PRATTE, D.D.S., HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR DR. PRATTE: Thank you for an excellent suggestion. Have you considered a second career as a diplomat? You'd make a good one.

life

Dear Abby for January 04, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 4th, 1997 | Letter 4 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired dentist and I sympathize with the dental hygienist who complained about patients coming to the office with dirty mouths. I have a suggestion that, used with diplomacy, would solve her problem as well as provide a better service for her patients.

Give them a toothbrush and some floss before, instead of after, their appointment and have them clean their mouths "like they do at home." Then she could point out any areas they may have missed, or compliment them on having done such a good job. -- EUGENE PRATTE, D.D.S., HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR DR. PRATTE: Thank you for an excellent suggestion. Have you considered a second career as a diplomat? You'd make a good one.

life

Woman Abused as Child Still Bears Pain of Waiting to Tell

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 3rd, 1997 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter signed "Living in God's Glory and Grace," which described a so-called respectable, churchgoing man who had been a child molester for years, but nobody suspected it until he was caught.

Recently my 10-year-old niece was molested by a family member. She is not getting counseling and seems to be fine; however, this event brought out an issue that my sister and I kept hidden for close to 20 years. We are now 28 and 29, but when we were 10 and 11, a family friend molested me on a camping trip. He had repeatedly molested my sister prior to that, but I found out only after I confessed my tragedy. Although the man never threatened to harm us, it was an unspoken command that we were going to keep it to ourselves.

The day after my niece came forward, a flood of emotions overcame me. We were at my sister's house and I told my mom everything. Mom contacted the police and they sent someone out. We learned that this man now lives in Florida. (We live in California.) The police in both states did extensive background checks, but no records of any kind were found. We were told that they did not have enough manpower to pursue this; also, too much time had elapsed. Today this man is free to do whatever he pleases -- including molesting other children.

I pray every day that this was a one-time incident, but somehow I'm not sure.

Please tell your young readers never to be afraid to tell someone right away. Twenty years proved far too long to wait. -- NO JUSTICE SERVED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NO JUSTICE SERVED: Far too often, many child molesters go unpunished because their victims are too shy or embarrassed to come forward, or worse yet, because they fear they will not be believed. But the suffering of not reporting abuse can be worse then any embarrassment or disbelief one might encounter. I encourage anyone who has been molested to summon the courage to report the crime, and if the first person you tell doesn't believe you, keep telling people until you find someone who does believe you.

life

Dear Abby for January 03, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 3rd, 1997 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: As a longtime reader, I have often been inspired and touched by the special poems and essays you include in your columns. A few years ago, I sent for your "Keepers" booklet, so that I would have some of your favorites on hand in times of need.

Our special "time of need" came last fall, with the death of our daughter Kathy after a long and fierce battle with kidney disease. Her death came about seven months after my mother's death and just three weeks after my mother-in-law's passing.

In the midst of our grief, it was very important to us that Kathy's services be appropriate to her courage, her love, and our belief that death could not destroy the love our family has shared. From "Keepers," we selected two poems, the beautiful "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep" and "A Parable of Immortality." We have had many positive comments on both readings and requests for copies.

Thank you for compiling your "Keepers" booklet. There are many poems that we love and use often. And once again, thank you for being there. You have often lifted my heart with hope, and at times provided a good chuckle as well. -- BARBARA P. KRAUS, CLAYMONT, DEL.

DEAR BARBARA: Thank you for your kind letter. Clearly, 1996 has been a difficult year for you. Please accept my deepest sympathy not only on the loss of your mother and mother-in-law, but on your cherished daughter as well. I am gratified that I was able to provide some comfort to you and your loved ones.

life

Dear Abby for January 03, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 3rd, 1997 | Letter 3 of 3

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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