DEAR ABBY: Jerry and I have been married for five years. It's a second marriage for both of us. The problem is we have a serious clash of personalities, which was probably true when we were dating, but I was wearing rose-colored glasses back then.

I'm naturally a positive, upbeat person; Jerry is stubborn and grouchy 90 percent of the time. He picks apart every little thing and looks for reasons to pout or be mad. I found out after we were married that he has been this way since he was very young. I'm usually relieved when he goes off to do something without me, just for the peace I get while he's gone.

I've tried everything I know to help him, but it's very tiring trying to cheer Jerry up. I've come very close to leaving him twice in the last two years.

How does a woman with a positive attitude live with a complaining, nagging man who seems hell-bent on inflicting everyone with his negative attitude? -- TIRED OF LIVING WITH A GROUCH

DEAR TIRED: It is highly unlikely that you can change your husband's personality. However, you can change the way you react to Jerry's moods.

Counseling should help you learn to tolerate his moods so that you will be less affected by them. Ideally, you should both have counseling. If he refuses, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Frustrated Homeowner," who was upset because his neighbors parked in front of his house, was good up to a point. But what if you got a response like this: "You don't own the street. I need the space in front of my house in case company comes," plus a few choice remarks about your ancestors?

In my case, my neighbor's mother would drive up almost every Saturday morning and park in front of my house, and her car would just sit there until she left Sunday night. The curb in front of my neighbor's house was always empty.

Well, I had phone messages from friends who said, "We drove by Sunday afternoon, but didn't stop because you had company," etc. So one day I went over to my neighbor and asked him if his mother could please park in front of his house. Well, I got a tongue-lashing I'll never forget and went home with my tail between my legs.

The next weekend I brought the company pickup truck home and parked it so that my neighbor's mother would have plenty of room for her car. On Sunday afternoon I pulled the family station wagon out of the garage and parked it up close to the back bumper of her car. Next I backed the pickup close to "Mom's" front bumper and locked both vehicles up tight. Then I went inside to watch television.

About 8 p.m., my doorbell rang. It was my neighbor asking me to move one of the vehicles so that his mom could get out.

"Sure thing," I replied. "I'll be right out just as soon as I get my shoes on." Then I went back to my chair and continued to watch my TV show. Half an hour later, the doorbell rings and it's my irate neighbor wanting to know, "How long does it take to put on your damn shoes?"

Well, after an hour and a half, I moved my pickup, and Mom shot out of there and burned rubber for half a block. I gathered that she was a little upset with me, but she never parked in front of my place again. -- VINCE WOGMAN, CHEHALIS, WASH.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I want to thank you for Operation Dear Abby. I was in the Navy for five years. Holidays were a miserable time for me until I received the Operation Dear Abby letters. Not having a close family, I truly appreciated the heartfelt gestures from everyone. It made me feel very proud to receive the love and support from you and the caring citizens of our country. I cried real tears of happiness with the encouragement I received from so many whose faces I did not know.

I am now medically retired, but I still remember the joy I received. So now I send letters to those who are stationed overseas.

I can't thank you enough for remembering the military men and women who give up their families to give strength and protection to our greater family -- our nation. God bless you and all of those who have ever sent those letters and gifts. I will be forever grateful. -- NAVY PRIDE, RIVERDALE, CALIF.

DEAR NAVY PRIDE: Thank you for a beautiful letter, which I'm sharing with all those who have worked so hard to make Operation Dear Abby a success. May the holiday be healthy and happy for all of you.

DEAR ABBY: I must comment in regard to the letter from "Hell on the Home Front" -- the Florida mother whose young daughter had returned to the nest.

For one thing, being out on her own has to be hell on the 18-year-old. She is fresh out of high school with no experience or realization of what life is about or the responsibilities entailed. I am 28 years old, and being on my own is no easy task.

The daughter may be crying out for guidance and companionship. Instead, her mother is looking at her daughter as a burden and distraction -- and even a destroyer of her marriage. That mother should take the time to speak with her daughter instead of telling her what to do or acting as if she were 18 years old herself. Obviously, they did not get along in the first place.

Older teen-agers (or should we call them young adults?) need their self-esteem and confidence bolstered. They do not need to be pushed out the door. Please sign me ... HAPPY TO HAVE HAD A MOTHER WHO SAT AND TALKED TO ME IN L.A.

DEAR HAPPY: I agree with you that there are fences that need mending in the household. The daughter may be immature and cannot be expected to know what she hasn't been taught.

DEAR ABBY: I have a Christmas story I would like to share with you:

Just about 14 years ago, our family spent the Christmas holiday skiing at Keystone, Colo. On Christmas morning, as is our custom, we were all gathered in the living room, opening our presents as the radio played lovely carols. Our grandson Peter, age 6, struggled up to me with a large box he'd obviously wrapped himself with many pieces of Christmas wrap and lots of Scotch tape! Placing it in my lap, he said, "This is for you, Granddaddy."

I, of course, showed great excitement to be receiving anything so large. With great ceremony, I carefully unwrapped it. I looked inside and said, "Well, Peter, what a joke you've played on your old grandfather -- you forgot to put anything in this box!'

With a startled look, he raised on his tiptoes, looked in the box and then looked at me, saying, "Oh, no, Granddaddy, I didn't give you an empty present. I filled it with love!" In that moment, our 6-year-old grandson gave us a gift we shall never forget and taught us the true meaning of Christmas. -- DAVID B. PICKFORD, CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR MR. PICKFORD: Thank you for sharing your priceless gift. You should be very proud of your grandson.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SON. YOU WERE WELL WORTH THE LABOR PAINS!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have always known that making a will is important, especially if one has children. But for years I procrastinated and never seemed to find the time to do it.

I have finally made out my will -- and in the process, I have discovered something significant.

I didn't want to leave my children with "just a will," because the legal wording didn't tell them anything about what I feel is really important -- how much I love them. So, I have written my kids a letter that's kept with my will. In it, I explain what I had hoped to teach them over the years, the kind of adults I want them to become, the moral code by which I would like them to conduct themselves, how I pray they value their mother and each other.

Such a letter was not an easy one to write, but now that it's done, I have found it has helped me to be a much better parent. Because I have written down what is important to me, I am now able to focus on those issues with my children, and do a better job of rising above the "noise level" of daily living.

Abby, please suggest that your readers try this. They may find it helps them in ways a will never could in defining their goals and guiding their children. It doesn't have to be a long letter (in fact, it's probably better kept brief) as long as it comes from the heart. -- PLEASED PARENT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR PLEASED PARENT: I have long been an advocate of organizing one's thoughts on paper, and many readers have confided to me that just the process of writing their problems on paper has made them feel better. I think your suggestion is valuable. A "personalized parent's guide" could be a valuable tool for both the parent and child.

DEAR ABBY: Our father passed away earlier this year. All his adult life he wore a St. Christopher medal and his college ring, which he treasured and never removed.

After the funeral viewing, I wanted to keep these items (one for me and one for my brother) to remember Dad by. My brother felt that Dad should be buried with these items because they were so special to him.

After some trouble, we decided to keep the jewelry, knowing how much Dad cherished them. Do you think we did the right thing? -- LOVING DAUGHTER IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR LOVING DAUGHTER: Yes -- without a doubt.

DEAR ABBY: My brother used to brag that he had slept with you and your sister. You see, he was born July 11, 1918, in the same hospital in Sioux City, Iowa, as you were. Since mothers and babies remained in the hospital for 10 days at that time, he is positive that you did sleep with him in the same nursery. -- LOIS BILES, LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR LOIS: According to my birth certificate, my twin sister and I were delivered at home by Dr. Frank Murphy. We never saw the inside of a hospital until we had our tonsils removed when we were 4 years old.

Now, please remind your brother that a gentleman never discusses with whom he has slept.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)