DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, our son and his wife were divorced after 15 years of marriage. They have two young children. They always worked well together and seemed happy. We live 1,500 miles away and our visits were limited to two or three times a year, so we were unaware of their marital problems. They said very little about the reason for the divorce -- but we have reason to believe that a poor sex life was the problem, and a brief try at counseling proved futile.

My son and his ex-wife are very involved with the children's school and sports, and they attend church together as a family every Sunday. We have visited them -- together and separately -- and have all laughed and reminisced over old times. They seem very comfortable together.

My husband and I are concerned about how difficult divorce is for the children. Since neither our son nor his ex-wife is involved in a new relationship, we feel strongly that they should try to get back together.

Should we arrange a dinner and tell them how we feel? Should we put our feelings into a letter? My husband thinks they both need a swift boot in the rear. We love them both and don't want to alienate either of them. Sometimes we think we should mind our own business. What do you think? -- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA AND GRANDPA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: However well-meaning you may be, stay out of it. Your son and his ex-wife appear to be very mature. It is possible because of the good relationship they continue to enjoy, they may one day remarry. But the decision must be theirs.

Take comfort in the fact that despite the divorce, your grandchildren's needs are being put first.

DEAR ABBY: What can I do about someone who talks about her medical problems every time she sees me? I do feel empathy for her, but I don't need to hear about her ailments every time I'm with her.

I am not in the habit of sharing my medical history with her -- or anybody else -- and she's really getting on my nerves. She also brings up her financial situation, and that of her husband and their grown children.

I feel very uncomfortable listening to all this stuff that is none of my business. Besides, it is very boring. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I've had about as much as I can tolerate. Any suggestions? -- WONDERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WONDERING: Why not try the truth? You need not be brutal or even unkind. Simply tell her that you like her very much, but you are very uncomfortable when she dwells on her ailments. And when she launches into her financial report, tell her that her financial situation -- and that of her family -- is none of your business. Then change the subject.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My younger brother "Mike" and I are partners in a small manufacturing business. The problem is my brother's explosive temper.

When an employee makes a mistake, Mike literally throws a tantrum, kicking things and cursing at the top of his lungs. This is never done in private. He screams and criticizes the employee in front of anybody who will listen. Since he is "the boss," the employees just take it and silently curse him back. This makes for a miserable work atmosphere.

I have repeatedly told Mike that his tantrums make him look foolish, and his employees should not have to put up with his tirades. He apologizes, then loses his temper all over again.

Unfortunately, I can't fire him or punch him in the nose (which is what he needs!). I don't think he realizes that his behavior is cruel and insulting. How can I get through to him? -- BOTHERED BROTHER

DEAR BROTHER: Your brother's inability to control his explosive temper is unfortunate. His outbursts may have little or nothing to do with the situation that appears to trigger his tantrums.

Anger expressed inappropriately can have devastating effects. As I explain in my booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," counseling helps people learn how to express their anger appropriately. Support groups also may help. For a referral, contact your local mental health agency. You will find it in the Yellow Pages under "Counseling" or "Mental Health Services."

DEAR ABBY: I am writing on behalf of families who have lost a loved one, or have a family member who is seriously ill. Preparing food for the grieving family is one of the ways to show love and concern. However, I would like to suggest that the food be sent in disposable containers.

The last thing families need to worry about is which dish, platter or bowl belongs to whom, or how to return it to the rightful owner.

Many disposable containers are available at minimum expense. Another suggestion would be to shop garage sales for "odds and ends" plates and casserole dishes that are attractive -- but not something that would need to be returned. During difficult times, our efforts should be to make life as easy and uncomplicated as possible. -- DISCREET IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DISCREET: The last time I endorsed disposable dishes the environmentalists disapproved in droves. However, your second suggestion is a very good one if you have the time and money to shop the yard sales. If not, an address label attached to the bottom of the container should ensure its return.

DEAR ABBY: Several weeks ago you printed a letter from a retired police detective. He wrote regarding the woman whose husband insisted on sleeping with their bedroom window open. Has neither of them ever heard of drilling holes in the frames of the upper and lower sections of the window, with the lower window raised approximately 3 to 4 inches, then inserting a long nail or a bolt through the holes?

The windows are then locked in an open position too small for an intruder to gain entry, but with enough space for ventilation.

For many of us who live in areas of the country where air conditioning is necessary only a few days a year, this has been a practical and safe solution. -- A READER FROM THE NORTHWEST

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: May I offer a slightly different point of view regarding "D.S.'s" comments in your column about explicit articles in women's magazines?

As a therapist, I have treated a number of lonely, socially inadequate men and women who have had little social contact with others and lack the skills to develop warm and sexually satisfying relationships. Some of these people have physical disabilities; some are excessively shy, withdrawn or physically unattractive. It is this population, and many of us who are seeking a little escape -- and yes, even titillation (heaven forbid!) -- who read the articles in women's magazines. Personally, I have seen articles that were helpful to women who have had very little exposure to the nuances of their sexuality. In fact, I have recommended several of these articles to clients because they normalize sexuality.

I say to women who are offended by these articles, "Don't buy the magazines." There's room for all kinds of people in this world. What could be more positive than reading about love and sex?

It is my hope that those obsessed with pornographic reading material seek therapy, for that obsession is extreme behavior which indicates the need for intervention. I suggest that "D.S.'s" overly concerned response to magazine articles is indicative of her own problems.

Thank you for giving me a forum. It galls me to see repression by people who need to "get a life." -- BARBARA ROSENKRANTZ, M.A.

DEAR MS. ROSENKRANTZ: Your letter was a breath of fresh air. Obviously a great many readers are interested in the information that frank articles about sex provide, which is the reason publishers are doing such a land-office business at supermarkets.

Only when readers demonstrate that those articles are no longer of interest will the contents of magazines change.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man my age (40) who has never asked me out. He calls me occasionally and always returns my calls and seems glad to hear from me. He has turned down every invitation I've extended -- with legitimate excuses but no rain checks. He has never mentioned another woman but appears jealous if I mention a man.

I've been a "friend" long enough -- I want more. I've done everything except tell him how I feel. I have been overweight most of the 12 years I have known him, and wonder if this could be the reason he isn't pursuing me. Or is it possible he just hasn't caught on?

Please think hard on this one, Abby, because I've been trying to reel this man in for a very long time. -- GETTING IMPATIENT

DEAR IMPATIENT: If he hasn't responded in 12 years, he's not likely to start now. It's obvious that he regards you as a friend, and nothing more.

If you're willing to settle for friendship, stick around. Otherwise, go fishing in other waters, and you just might come up with the catch of the day.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)