DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, our son and his wife were divorced after 15 years of marriage. They have two young children. They always worked well together and seemed happy. We live 1,500 miles away and our visits were limited to two or three times a year, so we were unaware of their marital problems. They said very little about the reason for the divorce -- but we have reason to believe that a poor sex life was the problem, and a brief try at counseling proved futile.
My son and his ex-wife are very involved with the children's school and sports, and they attend church together as a family every Sunday. We have visited them -- together and separately -- and have all laughed and reminisced over old times. They seem very comfortable together.
My husband and I are concerned about how difficult divorce is for the children. Since neither our son nor his ex-wife is involved in a new relationship, we feel strongly that they should try to get back together.
Should we arrange a dinner and tell them how we feel? Should we put our feelings into a letter? My husband thinks they both need a swift boot in the rear. We love them both and don't want to alienate either of them. Sometimes we think we should mind our own business. What do you think? -- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA AND GRANDPA
DEAR FRUSTRATED: However well-meaning you may be, stay out of it. Your son and his ex-wife appear to be very mature. It is possible because of the good relationship they continue to enjoy, they may one day remarry. But the decision must be theirs.
Take comfort in the fact that despite the divorce, your grandchildren's needs are being put first.