DEAR ABBY: I am part of a support group on the Internet via e-mail for self-mutilators -- people who cut themselves, beat themselves, etc. All of us are survivors of abuse. We don't do this to get attention, despite what many people may think. It is an effort to turn unbearable emotional agony into bearable physical pain. People who mutilate themselves are also depressed and, while some of the comments made in our chat room would make a "normal" person call the asylum, most of us barely bat an eye.

We have created a supportive atmosphere where people can communicate with others who care about them and understand what they are going through, or just rant if they need to.

Today a friend of mine from the chat room was hospitalized for severe depression. I was devastated because we had been corresponding and supporting each other through similar difficulties. He had discussed "running away," but thanks to the people from the e-mail group, he is now safely in the hospital.

Abby, self-mutilation is so often misunderstood. People don't want to talk or even think about it. Knowing that I'm not the only person who does it has made me feel a lot better. I, too, am experiencing major depression, and a friend of mine from the group e-mailed me into the wee hours of one suicidal morning, until she was certain I was going to be all right. We are so far apart geographically, but on the Internet, I and others like me can find people who are experiencing what we are going through and we can help each other.

If it hadn't been for the Internet, I would not have learned more about my self-mutilating behavior and would never have gained the support I needed to survive. People should not condemn or fear a technological advance that has just saved someone's life.

I apologize for the length of my letter. Because of the help I have received from people I have never seen face-to-face, I hope to overcome my need for pain and abuse. With their help and support, someday I may even make it to my senior year of high school. Sign me ... HEALING

DEAR HEALING: Thank you for an honest letter, and for explaining a behavior that few individuals understand. I hope that with professional help and the support of the members of your chat room, you will achieve complete recovery. In your case, the Internet and e-mail are a powerful complement to therapy. The best of luck to you.

DEAR ABBY: I know many people appreciate the good work you do, but I am sending you a special thanks.

On July 25, I read a letter in your column from John Hardaway, who discovered he had severe cardiovascular disease. He was especially surprised because he was a daily runner and thought he was in excellent health. The symptoms he experienced were not classic warning signs of a heart attack, so he had not been paying them much attention.

On July 21 (the Sunday before your Thursday column appeared), I began experiencing pain in my breast bone. It always went away after I took antacids. This continued well into the week. On Thursday night the pain did not abate, even after six tablets. Remembering what I had read in your column that morning, I decided to take a trip to the emergency room. On Saturday, July 27, I underwent angioplasty for an artery that was 90 percent blocked!

Had I not read your column I could have suffered dire consequences. Thank you from the bottom of my much-healthier heart. -- SAM DILLER, BLUFFTON, OHIO

DEAR SAM: I'm pleased that a letter you read in my column helped save you from "dire consequences." Your letter did my heart a world of good. It made my day. Thank you for writing.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Pet Peeved in Martinez, Calif." -- whose problem was having too many dogs and cats to care for, with very little help from her husband -- got my attention. She mentioned the fact that she is pregnant.

I am writing in the hope that you can help "Pet Peeved" avert a potential disaster for her unborn child. I am a special educator. I work with children who are mentally retarded, from a variety of causes.

Pregnant women should not care for cats. They should especially avoid cleaning litter boxes, because they can unknowingly contract a disease called toxoplasmosis from doing so. (Cats can carry this disease.)

Toxoplasmosis probably won't make the mother noticeably sick, but the damage it can cause to her unborn child is devastating. The problems for the child can range from learning disorders, hearing or vision impairments, to severe retardation, deafness and blindness, or even all of these in combination.

Toxoplasmosis can also be transmitted to the unborn child if the mother eats improperly prepared shellfish such as shrimp, lobster, oysters, etc. (It is wise to avoid these foods during pregnancy.)

I hope my letter will encourage "Pet Peeved's" husband to either care for the pets or find them another home. I also hope this information will alert other expectant mothers to be more careful in the care of their pets, and in their diets. -- BELLE AAKHUS, SPECIAL EDUCATION, BEMIDJI, MINN.

DEAR BELLE: Thank you for your important message to expectant mothers. Your letter reminded me that I had printed a letter about toxoplasmosis eight years ago. It was from a nurse-educator who wanted to alert expectant mothers that the protozoa (toxoplasma gondii) are also found in raw and undercooked meat; therefore they should be sure to cook all meats thoroughly.

Pregnant women should have routine checkups during their pregnancy, and check with their health-care professional concerning this and other diseases that might endanger their unborn child.

DEAR ABBY: I'm enclosing a poem that describes too many of us in our busy world today. I hope you'll think it's worth space in your column. It contains a message we all need reminding about. Too few people take the time, no matter how little, to drop a line, or call, visit or do a good deed for someone we know who is lonely, ill, or in need of a few moments of small talk. -- MARILYN J. MONTGOMERY, NORTH MANKATO, MINN.

DEAR MARILYN: Thank you for sending it. It's well worth the space. Read on:

He hadn't time to pen a note,

He hadn't time to cast a vote.

He hadn't time to sing a song,

He hadn't time to right a wrong.

He hadn't time to love or give

He hadn't time to really live.

From now on, he'll have time on end

He died today, my busy friend.

YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she 60 years old. She's 97 now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter, "Bethany," just confided that she has been sexually active for the past month. This is her first experience, and she says they are practicing safe sex. I have not yet told her father, although he suspects she might be.

Should I tell him or keep my mouth shut?

I'm afraid of what his reaction will be. There has been a lot of tension between my husband and Bethany for the past couple of years, and I don't want to add to it.

I have considered telling him when she is not at home so he'll have time to cool down before he confronts her, but I keep losing my nerve. The fact that he doesn't like her boyfriend doesn't help. If I keep quiet, perhaps he will not find out.

I will wait for your answer. Please advise. -- MOM IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR MOM: Better your husband hears the news from you now than possibly in a crisis. Bethany should be told that you plan to discuss this with her father because she's still a minor, and as a parent, he has the right to know. Tell your husband you expect his cooperation in discussing this with Bethany without confrontation or retaliation.

Your daughter deserves an honest relationship with both of you as she progresses through her teens.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend got married two years ago. I was her maid of honor. As a wedding gift, I decided to give them two of the very expensive wineglasses for which they were registered. When I went to buy them, I was told the glasses were back-ordered, and it would be 14 weeks before my friends would receive their gift.

The clerk gave me a gift card on which was written the pattern and quantity of the wineglasses. Due to the festivities that preceded the wedding, I kept forgetting to call the store to place my order. However, I did put the card in a box and wrapped it, so my friends would know they were getting the wineglasses.

Abby, I still haven't placed the order. A few months after the wedding, my friend asked me about them, and I told her it would take several more weeks. Since then, neither of us has mentioned it.

Abby, at the time of the wedding, my husband and I could afford the glasses, but now the price has gone up. I'm a full-time homemaker raising our son, and money is tight.

This is very embarrassing. What should I do to save face? Come forward and confess my negligence, or forget about it? -- WEDDING GIFT WOES

DEAR WOES: Confess. Since you haven't forgotten about the gift you promised, your friend probably hasn't either. If she's a good friend, she will understand. When she celebrates her fifth wedding anniversary, present her with the glasses. I suggest you start saving now.

DEAR ABBY: You have printed various suggestions about how to handle nosy questions. Tell people they can use my brother's line. If anyone asks him a presumptuous question, he replies, "Why? Are you writing a book?"

If the person is rash enough to answer "yes," he adds, "Well, make it a mystery!" -- FRANK WAGNER, CINCINNATI

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)