DEAR ABBY: My father died when I was 10. My world spun out of control for a few years because I had lost my hero -- the man I most admired. Since I wanted to grow up to be like my dad, I was always looking for someone like him to be my friend. Fortunately, I was blessed with several who served as mentors and taught me what my dad would have had he lived.

Today, I am 51, and while I mentor others, I am still very close to two mentors of my own. May I pass on some advice from one who transformed the quality of my life and my mother's too:

I have the best mom in the world. She's tough as a water buffalo, opinionated, thinks I could have been president and still nags me to eat more vegetables.

Three years ago, my mentor suggested I call my mother every day just to hear her voice, to let her hear mine, to hear about her day -- and tell her that I love her.

I eat one meal a week with Mom, usually dinner, but sometimes lunch or breakfast. This past week, I didn't get a chance to share a meal with her, and since she was leaving town Friday morning with an elderly friend, I drove over to see her Thursday night. While there, she asked me to review her map from AAA, and we spent about 20 minutes looking it over. Before I left, Mom told me how relieved she was that we had looked over the route and that I knew where she was going.

The last time I was there, I changed two batteries in her garage door opener, and the time before, I used the blower to clean out her garage and she served me a delicious pot roast.

Today I have a priceless relationship with my mom, thanks to the advice of my mentor. I'm as attentive to her as my father would be if he were alive -- I am indeed my father's son.

Diana Ross was right. You can reach out and touch someone, and in so doing, change their world -- and yours too. -- A DEVOTED SON, PHOENIX

DEAR DEVOTED SON: Those who spread joy invariably reap a good measure for themselves.

DEAR ABBY: About the husband who phoned his wife's boss to say she would not be in that day due to a death in the family: When asked who died, he stammered, and it was obvious he didn't know. I can beat that.

The New York City Department of Corrections gives its officers three days of paid "bereavement" time. Since no one checks up, and the policy is so generous, relatives drop like flies. (Always during the holidays or when beautiful weather is forecast.)

One guy I work with has had the worst luck imaginable. This spring his mother died for the fourth time in seven years. I'm not kidding. -- C.O. IN STATEN ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR C.O.: My condolences to the officer who lost his mother -- again. But someone should warn this guy that by the time her ninth life is over, the personnel department may have learned to add. The Department of Corrections should be using only the most efficient time-management techniques, at least for those uniformed men and women on the right side of the bars.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 68 years old and have been a widow for 10 years. The gentleman I am dating (I'll call him Jim) is 72 and has been a widower for seven years. We have been dating for five years.

Recently we attended the 50th anniversary party for some longtime friends of Jim's. After the dinner, the couple opened their gifts and read the cards aloud to the guests. Imagine my shock when Jim's card was read. He had signed it "Jim and Margaret" -- Margaret was his wife's name!

I immediately told him how hurt I was, and he said he saw nothing wrong with signing his deceased wife's name to the card. He said he and Margaret had been best friends of the honored couple for over 40 years, and he wanted to keep Margaret's memory alive in their thoughts through this gift.

I was deeply hurt by Jim's actions, both in signing the card as he did and having no regrets about doing so.

Abby, do you think I'm wasting precious time in this relationship? -- HURT IN CHERRY HILL, N.J.

DEAR HURT: Signing the card "Jim and Margaret" was indeed in poor taste in view of the fact that you and he have been dating for the last five years. He is living in the past. But before breaking off your relationship because of a single thoughtless act, ask yourself if you would be better off WITH him or WITHOUT him.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column faithfully and have a couple of suggestions that could be of great help to your readers.

1. The names of all medications should be written on a card along with the correct dosage, how many times a day it must be taken and what it is for. The card should be carried at all times.

2. No one should leave home without a typewritten note with his or her name on it, stating whom to notify in case of an accident. It should NOT be placed in a purse or wallet; it should be placed in a pocket, in case the person is unconscious or the victim of a violent crime. All too often purses, wallets and ID "disappear," and there is no way to identify the person, or notify relatives or friends what their medical problems might be. -- EUGENE J. CARADEUC, DALY CITY, CALIF.

DEAR MR. CARADEUC: It's wise for people to carry a medication card and a note for identification, but it's also imperative for those with serious medical conditions to wear a medical tag providing medical information and a telephone number where a more complete summary of emergency information is available. (Order blanks are usually available at local pharmacies.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been having an ongoing "discussion" during the four years of our marriage. The disagreement involves who precedes whom when locating a place to sit upon entering a restaurant when a host/hostess doesn't seat you.

I am 49 years old and have always been preceded by my escort down the church aisle to locate a seat. He then steps back and lets me enter the pew first. The situation has always been similarly handled in eating establishments.

My husband believes that the woman always precedes the man in any situation. Who's right? -- JEANNIE ROBERTS, WILDERSVILLE, TENN.

DEAR JEANNIE: Your husband. According to Emily Post and Letitia Baldrige, the woman precedes the man in both situations.

In a restaurant, the lady precedes the man to the table and seats herself, or waits for her escort to pull her chair out for her.

In church, she sits in the selected pew, then slides over for her mate or escort.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I usually agree with your advice, but you missed the boat when you sided with the woman who thought it was improper to have a cash bar at a wedding reception.

Serving liquor has become a liability even if you serve it to a guest in your home. If the guest leaves your home and is arrested or has an accident, is the guest blamed? No, the person who provided the alcohol is at fault. A nasty lawsuit can result, not to mention personal injury should an accident occur.

Did the woman feel she was entitled to free liquor because she sent an "appropriate gift" from one of the "best stores"? Attending the wedding, being part of the celebration and attending the reception wasn't enough? Does free liquor make the event more meaningful? I think not.

Unfortunately, people invariably drink more when the drinks are free. Paying for each drink is a reminder of how many drinks they have had. A cash bar at a wedding reception is indeed proper. Guests who must have alcoholic beverages can pay for them and bear the responsibility. -- TIMES HAVE CHANGED, CAPE CORAL, FLA.

DEAR TIMES HAVE CHANGED: Ouch! I was soundly clobbered for having agreed that a cash bar at a wedding reception was improper. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You told a reader that a cash bar at a wedding reception was not proper. You are out of touch -- it IS proper. The key word is LIABILITY. An open bar may lead to overindulgence. Overindulgence may lead to automobile or other accidents. If the bar is free, the liability may be that of the host. If the wedding guests are charged for their drinks, it not only tends to slow them down, but puts the responsibility on the bar/restaurant/establishment.

Please do not use my name. My husband is a retired attorney and he refuses to acknowledge my law degree by osmosis. Sign me ... M. FROM OREGON

DEAR ABBY: In the great state of Minnesota where lawsuits are running rampant, a cash bar is the only way to go.

The hotel or restaurant has the necessary insurance to cover any liabilities. If YOU provide the liquor, YOU are liable for anyone leaving drunk and killing themselves or others.

Have you ever seen what happens when free liquor is provided? People drink three times as much as they would if they had to pay for it.

A good idea is to provide alcohol-free champagne and toast the couple; then let the guests buy their own drinks.

The last wedding reception we went to had a free keg of beer. When the keg was empty, they played "Taps." Tacky? Yes. Funny? Very. -- JEANNE GRATES, PLYMOUTH, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: "Confused in Connecticut" implied that she gave wedding gifts in exchange for unlimited free drinks.

Abby, I could have been the bride at that wedding, so I hope you will air my side of the story.

I wanted my reception to be held at some out-of-the-way place that was absolutely "dry" -- not because of my religious beliefs, but because I was horrified to think what could happen if my family had unlimited free booze. However, my mother insisted on having the reception at her favorite restaurant.

The manager tried to persuade me to have an open bar plus a champagne fountain, but I convinced him that it would not be a good idea by relating a few horror stories about my cousin's wedding. Unfortunately, I couldn't do anything about the main bar upstairs. At least the distance of the main bar from the reception and the expense of paying for their own drinks kept the lid on things.

I suppose I could have eloped, but I took the risk because I really wanted a wedding. My mother had looked forward to planning it, and my future husband and his parents expected one. I just didn't want my reception to involve a lot of police officers and emergency room doctors.

Please don't use my name. Sign me ... WANTED TO RIDE IN A LIMO, NOT A PADDY WAGON

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)