DEAR ABBY: Please be brutally frank with me. I am a 60-year-old retired, divorced woman living on a fixed income. My 54-year-old live-in lover has not worked during the three years we have been together. He says he is married in name only.

He owns a home; however, we are living in my house. I pay his mortgage, utilities, residence and auto upkeep. I also pay for food, clothing, medical expenses and his 1,000-mile trips to visit his children, as well as his trips to Europe to visit his parents.

He has (on three occasions) verbally degraded me and I fear there may be more coming.

We had discussed marriage, but now he says he can't divorce his wife because she has had two mild stokes and his 25-year-old daughter (now divorced) would blame him if her mother were to die from the stress of a divorce. I say this is hokum!

I am very uneasy about any future marriage with this man, and I am also fed up with supporting him.

The problem is that we are totally compatible otherwise. This is very important since it is hard to find someone else who shares my interests. I see no changes in the future, and I can't afford to support him forever; it is coming out of my inheritance.

What advice do you have for me? Sign me ... FLORIDA FOOL

DEAR FLORIDA FOOL: Since you asked me to be brutally frank with you, I will. In spite of the fact that you believe you and this man are compatible, he is an obvious freeloader. Say goodbye to him; leopards don't change their spots. You not only deserve better, you could hardly do worse.

DEAR ABBY: You told "Longtime Reader in Norristown, Pa." to see a jeweler for help in removing his wedding ring, which had grown tight over the many years of his marriage (he is now a widower).

Abby, it's not necessary to cut a ring off. My husband was an embalmer for more than 50 years, and he removed many a ring from those who had passed on. He also taught embalming at a local trade school and shared this technique with his students:

Thread one end of a piece of string under the ring and wrap the other, longer end tight around the finger. Then begin unwrapping from the short end of the string. As you unwrap it, the ring will come off! This works when soap and other lubricants have failed, and there's no danger of cutting the finger.

I am 90 years old, and I have known this trick for a long time. If you publish my letter, your readers can try it if they need to, and jewelers can use it as well. -- MAMIE GERACI, METAIRIE, LA.

DEAR MAMIE: It works beautifully! Thanks for a practical solution that was news to me (and I'll bet to many of my readers).

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20 years has been suffering from a terrible case of scabies. His doctor isn't talking, and I heard that it can be caught only by sexual contact.

I don't have it. Can it be caught in other ways? I hate to be suspicious, but I'm worried. Abby, can you please check and find out if scabies can be caught from a toilet seat? I'm too embarrassed to ask my doctor (or his) if this is a venereal disease. -- WORRIED IN DENVER

DEAR WORRIED: You have been misinformed. Scabies is not a venereal disease. It is a contagious itch that is caused by parasitic mites. Please lose no time in seeing your physician -- both you and your husband must be treated, and family and friends who visit during the infestation may also need treatment.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I first heard in an Overeaters Anonymous meeting that compulsive overeating is a "disease," I said, "Yeah, really!" not believing a word of it. But after years of fad diets and 50 pounds of yo-yo weight losses and gains, it didn't take a rocket scientist to conclude that I am different from my noncompulsive (and usually thinner) friends. Unlike average people who get hungry, eat a meal and are then satisfied, I remain hungry most of the time.

My problem isn't lack of willpower. What I lack is a reflex, a signal that says, "Full! Enough!" I didn't choose to have this condition. Who in her right mind would choose to be hungry all the time?

Words cannot describe my relief when I understood that I had a physical problem. I wasted years feeling guilty and ashamed because of my compulsive eating. For me, the solution has three parts because what began 40 years ago as a physical condition has created emotional and spiritual baggage that I carry with me today.

Almost everyone has heard of the Twelve Steps of the "Anonymous" programs, including: Admit your problem; believe you can be helped; ask for help; clean up your act; make amends; connect to a power greater than yourself; and help others. These steps form a decent life plan for me. They are helping me turn my life around and reconnect with myself, my spouse, my work and my body.

It does not matter that I did not choose to be this way. I am this way. And what I do about it is entirely up to me. After one month, following a generous plan of eating and working my program with plenty of support from other OA members, I'm one clothing size smaller. Better yet, I'm not taking pills or herbs, using a fad diet, or doing anything bizarre that might cause short-term weight loss. I'm doing nothing that I can't continue for the rest of my life!

I am profoundly grateful that I found OA, and I'm indebted to the countless OA members who have given me the benefit of their strength and experience. -- ANONYMOUS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your eloquent letter is sure to inspire others who suffer from compulsive eating and are unaware that help is available. Overeaters Anonymous has more than 10,000 groups in 50 countries. Local chapters can be found in the telephone directory.

There are no dues or fees, and no membership lists are kept. There are no requirements for membership except the desire to stop eating compulsively. You will be welcomed with open arms by women and men who are fighting the same battle as you. There is no shaming, no weighing and no embarrassment, only a fellowship of compassionate people with a common problem.

There are chapters in almost every city, but if you have difficulty finding one near you, send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to Overeaters Anonymous World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, N.M. 87174-4020.

DEAR READERS: The art of conversation lies in listening. Any fool can talk; it takes a superior person to listen. Bottom line: Talk less and listen more.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your recent letter about cutting costs of wedding receptions prompts me to tell you how the majority of residents in New Orleans, a city renowned for its hospitality, handle this.

Instead of sit-down dinners that cost "X" dollars per head, we have receptions similar to cocktail parties. This eliminates the headache of paying for the dinners of guests who don't show up, and also gives guests a chance to mingle without being restricted to conversation only with those seated near them at a table.

Receptions can be simple or very elaborate, depending on the wealth of the bride's parents. What the caterers charge depends on the number of guests invited. I have attended wedding receptions where champagne and exotic hors d'oeuvres were offered in great variety -- and others where hot dogs, chips and beer were served.

Caterers maintain their own reception rooms, or brides may choose a church hall, a community building -- or even their own homes. Music can range from the strains of an elegant harp and violin group to a lively combo for dancing, or even canned music piped over loudspeakers.

Why doesn't the rest of the country try this? -- M. HIGGINS, A LIFELONG NEW ORLEANS RESIDENT

DEAR M. HIGGINS: What a practical solution. My guess is that this practice is more widespread than you realize. After this appears in print, perhaps more people will give it a try.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in hopes that others like myself will speak up when they are offended by magazines folding numerous perfume advertisements in each magazine and mailing them to subscribers.

I'm a widow with allergies and asthma, and I have heard numerous complaints from friends in church and garden clubs about the ads. Most women are busy 24 hours a day raising children and working out of their homes to help with expenses, and do not have time to write the publishers about this invasion of privacy.

I wrote several letters and was told I could get my money back from the agency from which I ordered the magazines. Some of them I have subscribed to for years, and it makes me mad that they will not acknowledge the fault as theirs. People do no want their home smelling like a house of ill repute, and it will if they have their magazines delivered to the house.

If this letter were published in your column, maybe we could get this disgusting advertising stopped. -- NO MORE NOXIOUS ADS, GRANBURY, TEXAS.

DEAR NO MORE: I doubt it. I have tried, but the magazine publishers have turned up their noses at my complaints.

DEAR READERS: Several seeks ago I printed a touching story, "The Story of Abby" (an abandoned Doberman who was rescued by a kind soul) from the book "The Kindness of Strangers." Many animal lovers wrote to ask where they could buy a copy, and on the chance that others may also wish to purchase it, here's the information: The cost is $10 a copy, and checks or money orders (no cash!) should be mailed to: The Auxiliary for DeKalb Animals, 85 Leighs Grove Way, Grayson, Ga. 30221. The stories will both break and warm your heart. They did mine.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)