DEAR ABBY: When I first heard in an Overeaters Anonymous meeting that compulsive overeating is a "disease," I said, "Yeah, really!" not believing a word of it. But after years of fad diets and 50 pounds of yo-yo weight losses and gains, it didn't take a rocket scientist to conclude that I am different from my noncompulsive (and usually thinner) friends. Unlike average people who get hungry, eat a meal and are then satisfied, I remain hungry most of the time.

My problem isn't lack of willpower. What I lack is a reflex, a signal that says, "Full! Enough!" I didn't choose to have this condition. Who in her right mind would choose to be hungry all the time?

Words cannot describe my relief when I understood that I had a physical problem. I wasted years feeling guilty and ashamed because of my compulsive eating. For me, the solution has three parts because what began 40 years ago as a physical condition has created emotional and spiritual baggage that I carry with me today.

Almost everyone has heard of the Twelve Steps of the "Anonymous" programs, including: Admit your problem; believe you can be helped; ask for help; clean up your act; make amends; connect to a power greater than yourself; and help others. These steps form a decent life plan for me. They are helping me turn my life around and reconnect with myself, my spouse, my work and my body.

It does not matter that I did not choose to be this way. I am this way. And what I do about it is entirely up to me. After one month, following a generous plan of eating and working my program with plenty of support from other OA members, I'm one clothing size smaller. Better yet, I'm not taking pills or herbs, using a fad diet, or doing anything bizarre that might cause short-term weight loss. I'm doing nothing that I can't continue for the rest of my life!

I am profoundly grateful that I found OA, and I'm indebted to the countless OA members who have given me the benefit of their strength and experience. -- ANONYMOUS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your eloquent letter is sure to inspire others who suffer from compulsive eating and are unaware that help is available. Overeaters Anonymous has more than 10,000 groups in 50 countries. Local chapters can be found in the telephone directory.

There are no dues or fees, and no membership lists are kept. There are no requirements for membership except the desire to stop eating compulsively. You will be welcomed with open arms by women and men who are fighting the same battle as you. There is no shaming, no weighing and no embarrassment, only a fellowship of compassionate people with a common problem.

There are chapters in almost every city, but if you have difficulty finding one near you, send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to Overeaters Anonymous World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, N.M. 87174-4020.

DEAR READERS: The art of conversation lies in listening. Any fool can talk; it takes a superior person to listen. Bottom line: Talk less and listen more.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your recent letter about cutting costs of wedding receptions prompts me to tell you how the majority of residents in New Orleans, a city renowned for its hospitality, handle this.

Instead of sit-down dinners that cost "X" dollars per head, we have receptions similar to cocktail parties. This eliminates the headache of paying for the dinners of guests who don't show up, and also gives guests a chance to mingle without being restricted to conversation only with those seated near them at a table.

Receptions can be simple or very elaborate, depending on the wealth of the bride's parents. What the caterers charge depends on the number of guests invited. I have attended wedding receptions where champagne and exotic hors d'oeuvres were offered in great variety -- and others where hot dogs, chips and beer were served.

Caterers maintain their own reception rooms, or brides may choose a church hall, a community building -- or even their own homes. Music can range from the strains of an elegant harp and violin group to a lively combo for dancing, or even canned music piped over loudspeakers.

Why doesn't the rest of the country try this? -- M. HIGGINS, A LIFELONG NEW ORLEANS RESIDENT

DEAR M. HIGGINS: What a practical solution. My guess is that this practice is more widespread than you realize. After this appears in print, perhaps more people will give it a try.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in hopes that others like myself will speak up when they are offended by magazines folding numerous perfume advertisements in each magazine and mailing them to subscribers.

I'm a widow with allergies and asthma, and I have heard numerous complaints from friends in church and garden clubs about the ads. Most women are busy 24 hours a day raising children and working out of their homes to help with expenses, and do not have time to write the publishers about this invasion of privacy.

I wrote several letters and was told I could get my money back from the agency from which I ordered the magazines. Some of them I have subscribed to for years, and it makes me mad that they will not acknowledge the fault as theirs. People do no want their home smelling like a house of ill repute, and it will if they have their magazines delivered to the house.

If this letter were published in your column, maybe we could get this disgusting advertising stopped. -- NO MORE NOXIOUS ADS, GRANBURY, TEXAS.

DEAR NO MORE: I doubt it. I have tried, but the magazine publishers have turned up their noses at my complaints.

DEAR READERS: Several seeks ago I printed a touching story, "The Story of Abby" (an abandoned Doberman who was rescued by a kind soul) from the book "The Kindness of Strangers." Many animal lovers wrote to ask where they could buy a copy, and on the chance that others may also wish to purchase it, here's the information: The cost is $10 a copy, and checks or money orders (no cash!) should be mailed to: The Auxiliary for DeKalb Animals, 85 Leighs Grove Way, Grayson, Ga. 30221. The stories will both break and warm your heart. They did mine.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent response to a woman who questioned her moral obligation to wear a wedding ring, you stated that the "presence of a wedding ring does not necessarily mean the wearer is married." Your readers may enjoy a love story which proves the wisdom of that remark.

During the Korean War, a girl in a small city in Maine was working her way through college as a waitress at a restaurant popular with the employees at the nearby air base. A young lieutenant who was a regular thought she was absolutely beautiful and had spoken with her many times. But he couldn't ask her out because she wore a gold wedding band.

One evening at closing, she and the lieutenant were the last to leave, and he lamented aloud about the "slim pickings" for the thousands of Air Force men stationed in the area. Then he said he wished she had a twin sister who wasn't married.

She studied him for a long moment, then confessed that she really was single. Her father had suggested she wear her late grandma's ring to work to help cool off us jet jockeys!

That admission forever changed their lives. The waitress became a pediatrician, and she and her now-retired husband have four grown children, and just celebrated 43 years of marriage. Grandma's ring is still on her finger. And we give daily thanks that it now signifies the wearer is married. -- LUCKY IN LOVE IN LIMESTONE

DEAR ABBY: For many years I was housekeeper and mistress to a wealthy individual. He has recently announced his engagement and I am no longer employed by him.

Because of our friendship, however, he has provided me with a sizable income and has put my husband and me in his will. My husband and I have decided we don't need all this money and would like to give most of it to charity.

Can you advise us where we can find information on charities, and how we can evaluate them? -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WONDERING: It is wise to check out any organization to which you are considering donating money. The National Charities Information Bureau has information that can be obtained by writing to Dept. 40, 19 Union Square West, New York, N.Y. 10003-3395.

Your local Better Business Bureau is also a good source of information, particularly if you are considering donating locally. The Council of Better Business Bureaus publishes an annual charity index that's available for a fee. Write to: 4200 Wilson Blvd., Suite 800, Arlington, Va. 22203.

DEAR ABBY: In light of your recent column about the origin of "It's not over until the fat lady sings," this should be brought to the attention of your readership:

According to "Annals of the Metropolitan Opera" (1989), Zinka Milanov never appeared as "Mimi" in "La Boheme" at that theater. The role itself quite simply was not congenial to her formidable voice, temperament and extraordinary ability as the reigning dramatic soprano from the late 1930s to the mid-1960s. -- RAYMOND JARVI, PROFESSOR OF SWEDISH, NORTH PARK COLLEGE, CHICAGO

DEAR PROFESSOR JARVI: Thank you for setting the record straight. Now I regret that I didn't consult my good friend Charles Nelson Reilly, who is an authority on opera.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)