DEAR ABBY: I recently called my daughter-in-law and asked her to give me my ex-husband's new address. She refused to give it to me, so the next day I called my son "Jeff" at work and asked him for the address. He also refused, and said he doesn't give his dad information about me and he wouldn't give me information about his father. I don't care if Jeff gives such information to anyone -- I am listed in the phone book.
Jeff said he would call his dad and ask if it was OK to give me the address. (His father and I are estranged and avoid all possible contact.) I merely want his address for my records, and I did not request a telephone number.
I know in which city he lives and have been thinking of moving to that city as well, but I certainly would not want to live in the same neighborhood. I may need the address in later years to claim Social Security benefits or something.
I am dismayed at my son's attitude. I can't understand why he is being so pigheaded about an address. Am I wrong for expecting him to give me this information? -- A DISMAYED AND PERPLEXED MOM
DEAR DISMAYED AND PERPLEXED: Yes, you are wrong to expect your son to give you information about his father, especially since you are estranged from your former husband and you both avoid contact. Don't try to wheedle the information from Jeff or his wife. Putting your son and daughter-in-law in the middle will only alienate them from you. Jeff will tell his father you would like his address. But the decision whether or not to give it out rests with your ex.