DEAR ABBY: I am flabbergasted at all the letters from people who are desperate to have children.

I am a baby boomer who, like many of my friends, was delighted to discover that getting married and having children was not the only option for women. We went to college, pursued careers, traveled to exotic places and got involved in our communities. Some of us got married, and some of us even raised our husband's children from a failed first marriage. Overall, we've had a great half-century.

I know I owe much of my happy state to the adults -- aunts, uncles, cousins, friends of my parents, teachers -- who took an interest in me when I was growing up. My immediate family verged on the dysfunctional, but these other wonderful, caring people provided the shelter, laughter and inspiration that my parents couldn't give me. I've tried to return the favor to nephews and nieces, and the children of my friends and neighbors.

In this day and age, an empty womb is not a tragedy -- it just means that you have the time and good fortune to make a difference in someone else's life. It's time for childless people to toss those tear-stained pillows away, go to the nearest school, and offer to tutor or help a disadvantaged child. -- NO REGRETS

DEAR NO REGRETS: You are a prime example of two profound adages: "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be" (Abraham Lincoln), and "Life is what we make it (William James)."

God bless you for your generosity.

DEAR ABBY: I have read many letters in your column from men who aren't particularly handsome, but would love to meet a decent woman who would appreciate him for what he is on the inside. I feel sorry for those men. However, there must be something wrong when a 30-something, educated professional man can't find someone to love, and says it's because women don't think he's good-looking enough.

I'm not drop-dead gorgeous, but I got married when I was 25. I had about a dozen proposals before Mr. Right came along.

My best friend, brainy and leggy with a wonderful heart, could barely find a date. The reason? She didn't know how to communicate with the opposite sex. Finally, after much encouragement, she went down your list of places to meet decent men and (here is the clincher) she sought therapy.

The therapy taught her a lot about herself. The church and volunteer organizations gave her a place to try out what she had learned.

She met a wonderful man who appreciates her for what she is. Two years ago, I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Two months ago, I attended the christening of their first child.

Abby, there is hope for those without partners, but blaming others for their being alone will get them nowhere. -- TRULY HAPPY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR READERS: "When a man says, 'I lie,' does he lie, or does he speak the truth?

"If he lies, he speaks the truth. If he speaks the truth, he lies." -- MARK TWAIN (1835-1910)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son is 12 years old. He is quite small for his age, but he is very intelligent and normal in every way, except for his muscle disease -- muscular dystrophy.

Yesterday I had to take him to an oral surgeon for some minor surgery. The oral surgeon was quite friendly and competent, but his nurse kept referring to my son as "the little boy in the wheelchair." When we were in the treatment room we'd hear from down the hall, "Doctor, the little boy in the wheelchair is in Room 4!" Then, "Doctor, the little boy in the wheelchair is too low for the X-ray machine." Then, "Doctor, the little boy in the wheelchair is allergic to latex."

My son finally said to me, "Mom, why do they keep referring to me as 'the little boy in the wheelchair'? I have a name."

Being too shy to say something to the nurse, he kept silent. Not wanting to make trouble on our first visit to that office, I also remained silent. I know that it makes him easily identifiable to refer to him this way, but he is so much more than "a little boy in a wheelchair." He's a person with feelings.

How would they like it if they went into a doctor's office and instead of the nurse saying, "Doctor, Mrs. Smith is in Room 4," she said, "Doctor, the fat lady with the mole on her face is in Room 4"?

Abby, please try to enlighten your readers that those with disabilities are people too. I prefer to remain ... ANONYMOUS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: How unfortunate that your son experienced such insensitivity, particularly from someone in the medical profession who should have known better. Thank you for an important reminder.

DEAR ABBY: I am really teed off because this morning I attempted to go for my usual jog, but I was intimidated by a car of strange men passing by, honking and yelling at me. Even though they continued on their way, I was frightened and returned home because I was alone.

Do men think this kind of uninvited, crude attention is appreciated by women, or are they just getting their jollies by scaring us? I asked many female acquaintances who have experienced this kind of rude behavior. I learned it happens often enough to indicate that a large number of men think it's OK, and not a serious problem.

FYI, guys: Women find this kind of behavior frightening, degrading and low-class. People should be able to walk down a public street without being harassed, regardless of gender. Since men don't have to worry about being knocked down and raped, they have a hard time empathizing with us.

My son knows that if I ever catch him acting this way, I will punish him, no matter how old he is! Mothers, please teach your sons that sexual harassment of any kind is wrong. -- AUTUMN R. VOGEL, DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: I have come across a problem I notice almost daily in our local newspaper.

When a person dies in his 70s, 80s or 90s, why do the newspapers print a picture of an 18- to 30-year-old person?

Surely there is a more up-to-date picture than a high school picture -- or a boot camp picture.

Or why print a picture at all?

I would like your comments on this practice. -- J.E.G. IN NAZARETH, PA.

DEAR J.E.G.: In obituaries of prominent people, newspaper editors use the most current picture they have in their files. For general obituaries, the family of the deceased provides the editors with the picture of its choice.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old, divorced Michigan man who has been communicating over the Internet with a 41-year-old Australian woman for more than two months. Kate (not her real name) stated in our first "meeting" (in an online chat room) that she was unhappy in her marriage. Even though she was married, I thought it would be interesting to talk to someone so far away.

We seemed to really click, exchanged photos, and even talked on the telephone a few times. Our online communication has always been pleasant and satisfying -- nothing sexual, just flirtatious.

We have reached the point where we feel we may have started something we might want to continue. Kate has told her family and friends that she wants to come to America to visit me for a month, and I have agreed to pay half her airfare.

Ordinarily I would not allow myself to get involved with a married woman, but I can't deny I have strong feelings for Kate and want to see her.

Does this sound like destiny or an online infatuation that has gone too far? Kate is getting a passport and may arrive within the month. Have we lost our common sense, or does this sound like two people taking a chance on happiness? -- D.K. IN MICHIGAN

DEAR D.K.: It sounds like asking for trouble to me. Aside from the fact that you are carrying on with a married woman, Kate may not be what you expect. I recently heard about a teen who was communicating online with a female he thought was about his age; when they met, he found out she was a 76-year-old granny!

Before you spring for the tickets, ask yourself if you could ever trust a woman who cheats on her husband.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem and need your advice. I am a 23-year-old man who went out with an older woman two summers ago. We had a few fun flings, and next thing I know, she calls to tell me she's pregnant! After I told her I would pay for the abortion, she totally shocked me by telling me she planned to keep the baby and raise it herself. I then went back to college, and after the baby was born, she sued me for child support.

Now I have to pay child support for a child I did not want, to be raised by a woman I do not love. I am so angry, I can't see straight. My life has been turned upside down by this woman. Some of her friends told me that she deliberately tricked me.

Abby, if I hire a lawyer and can prove all this, will I be off the hook for child support? I hate to think I will be paying child support for 21 years! I am so full of rage at the opposite sex I doubt if I will ever trust a woman again.

Also, my parents are pushing me to have visitation rights, but I want nothing to do with this woman OR her baby. I need to know what my rights are. Please give me your advice before I go crazy. -- JOE (NOT MY REAL NAME)

DEAR "JOE": If ever a man needed legal advice, that man is you, so I advise you to lose no time in engaging a lawyer, and prepare to take responsibility for the child you fathered.

DEAR ABBY: Excuse me -- did I miss something here? What kind of a friend calls another collect, especially for free advice?

Did "Red in the Face" ever hear of reversing the charges to her home phone, or using a phone credit card? Even our college-age kids know better than to pull the "collect call" business on us unless it is a true emergency.

Regardless, "Red in the Face's" friend was just plain rude responding as she did to "Red's" note and cash reimbursement for the call. Some friend! -- JOHN IN OMAHA

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)