DEAR ABBY: Every year after graduation, thousands of young adults begin new jobs and move into homes of their own. Although this is an exciting time for them, it also can be a difficult one as they struggle to furnish their new living quarters. Most are reduced to begging from relatives, "making do" with castoffs, or doing without.

Since people marry later now, bridal showers often are given for older persons who have good jobs and who already have acquired everything they need. Some couples even purchase and furnish homes and live together for months or years before they say "I do."

Young, never-employed brides who migrate straight from parents to husbands (the ones for whom bridal showers were designed) are rare today.

Isn't it time to add a new twist to the old tradition and give "starter" showers for single men and women who are setting up housekeeping for the first time? "Starting over" showers would benefit people who have lost everything in disasters, as well as people who have recently divorced.

What do you think, Abby? -- MARILYN SWARTZ, TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR MARILYN: When I first heard about showers for singles several years ago, I thought, "Here's an idea whose time has come!" It's a great idea -- for all the reasons you stated.

DEAR ABBY: In all the years of faithfully reading your column, I have never felt compelled to write to you -- until now.

After reading the poem titled "The Tone of Your Voice," I couldn't stop crying. For years, people have criticized me about my tone of voice. They say it is too sharp and full of hostility.

Abby, I fail to understand how this can be true because I honestly feel no anger or hostility.

My mother, husband and siblings all take offense at my tone of voice, which kills any hope of honest communication. Close friends have also told me that I am often misunderstood because of my tone of voice.

Please, please tell me how I can overcome this handicap. It is no fun being disliked and misunderstood. Thank you. -- A MISUNDERSTOOD WOMAN

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: Find a speech therapist or voice teacher. With proper training, the tone of your voice can be changed.

DEAR ABBY: You printed several letters about children at weddings and the consequences of their (mis)behavior. While I agree with the concept that it is the bride's day, I thought maybe you would enjoy a lighter side to the problem.

Ten years ago, our oldest daughter was married in our backyard. The weather was perfect, the lawn and flowers looked beautiful, and we had 70 guests. One of our neighbors had hired a baby sitter to stay with her two young daughters with strict instructions not to let the girls outside until the reception had started.

As everyone stood to pray, the baby sitter quietly opened the back door and let the dog outside and quickly shut the door before the girls begged to go outside. For 30 seconds, everything was fine -- then the dog saw the guests and commenced barking and howling throughout the entire prayer. As the preacher concluded, the baby sitter let the dog inside and everyone burst out laughing.

So, although everything was perfect and we had no disruptive children, we hadn't counted on the dog's blessing. We have it on the wedding video and it still makes us laugh every time we watch it. -- CAROL J. RHINEHART, ROCKWALL, TEXAS

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Two years after my divorce, I met "Jake," a divorced man near my age (50-plus). After several dates, he suggested that we sleep together. He promised not to sleep with any other woman, but wants to continue dating because he doesn't want to be accountable to anyone.

Jake told me that one of his former girlfriends ("Melanie") has been a bright spot in his life, and he plans to continue seeing her. He takes her dancing, to the movies, to parties -- and he travels with her.

Two weeks ago, Jake invited me to accompany him to a party at Melanie's home. I accepted and went, but now I wish I hadn't. He stayed by Melanie's side most of the evening. They were holding hands and looking into one another's eyes, oblivious to all who were present. I was very uncomfortable, but I didn't want to make a scene. Later, Jake told me that he loved Melanie, but was not "in love" with her -- whatever that means.

It doesn't seem to matter that I was upset knowing that he is seeing Melanie and other women, too. In fact, he said that when he told her I was jealous, they both laughed.

He still wants to be intimate with me, but I'm beginning to think he's not ready for intimacy.

What do you think, Abby? -- SONIA IN SPRING LAKES

DEAR SONIA: At least Jake is honest and up-front about feeling that intimacy and an exclusive relationship don't necessarily go hand in hand. Think of him as a bumblebee in the garden of life -- entertaining to watch at a distance, but guaranteed to deliver a nasty sting if you get too close. Tell Jake to buzz off.

DEAR ABBY: I have neighbors who live above me. The woman appears to be in her late 40s and the man in his early 30s. This couple live their lives in total silence. There's no TV, no radio, no stereo and their phone never rings.

Every time my phone rings, they stop dead in their tracks, as if they are listening.

I know some people are very quiet, but this is ridiculous. I feel like I'm under surveillance whenever they're home. I live in an older building (built in 1906), and sound travels easily. I don't even like to talk on the phone anymore. I'm a very friendly person, and I feel this is damaging my social life and possibly costing me friends.

Should I complain to the manager, or is there nothing I can do? -- QUIETLY GOING CRAZY

DEAR QUIETLY: Your letter is a first. I've never heard of a tenant complaining because the neighbors are "too quiet."

From your description, it's possible the couple is deaf and therefore have no need of a radio, etc. If that's the case, they cannot eavesdrop on your telephone conversations. But just in case they are listening in, tune your radio to a classical or golden oldies station and play it on low volume when you are home. That way, your phone conversations won't be as audible to the neighbors.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters and a brother -- none of them were blessed with children.

I have five children and 10 grandchildren. Our parents left us a very generous inheritance. I asked my sister if she had considered leaving anything to her nieces and nephews. Abby, she went ballistic! You would have thought I had asked her for a lung transplant!

Did I overstep my bounds, or was that a normal question? After all, family is family and blood is blood, isn't it? -- CONFUSED ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR CONFUSED: Even though family is family and blood is blood, it is presumptuous and tacky to ask a person what she plans to leave -- and to whom.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Let me tell you about the best Father's Day gift I ever received:

In 1987, my daughter, "Joan," who was 27 years old at the time, told me that she was having a difficult time selecting a Father's Day gift. She said she wanted to give me something special, but felt that I had everything. So she asked me what I wanted.

I told her that she had something in her power that was very special -- it was something that only she could give me.

I said, "If you will quit smoking for Father's Day, it would be the greatest gift you could ever give me. I would cherish this gift and celebrate it every Father's Day for the rest of my life."

Well, she quit smoking as a special gift to me, and now I not only have a daughter who can expect greatly improved health, but last year, she presented me with a beautiful, healthy grandson who also will enjoy a smoke-free environment. -- DICK BLANKENSHIP, LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR MR. BLANKENSHIP: Your daughter not only gave you a gift, she also gave your entire family a gift.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, before Father's Day, you suggested that children send a letter to their fathers telling them how much they loved them rather than the traditional Father's Day card.

I wrote my dad a letter and told him how much I admired him knowing that every morning he had to go to work to support a wife and eight children. We never went without a meal, we had the basic necessities, and we were always warm in the winter. And we had the love of two parents.

I remember in the seventh grade I sometimes spent the lunch money Dad gave me for candy and cigarettes instead of lunch. At the end of that year, Dad had to pay the school $16 for lunches I had charged. He never questioned the bill -- he just paid it.

In my Father's Day letter to him, I explained why he was sent that bill and enclosed a check for $16. He read the letter, cashed the check, and never mentioned the incident.

Mom later told me that she didn't know what I had written in that letter, but whatever it was brought tears to Dad's eyes, and several times since, she saw him in his room rereading that letter.

Thank you very much for the idea. It certainly has brought peace of mind to me, and finally I have been honest with my dad. -- MARY FUGATE, WEST COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR MARY: Words of gratitude are wonderful to hear, but when they are expressed in writing, they can be cherished indefinitely. Trust me, I know.

DEAR ABBY: While scanning my newspaper I saw several ads for Father's Day gifts, which brought to mind a poem I clipped from your column many years ago. Please run it again. -- MILWAUKEE FAN

DEAR MILWAUKEE FAN: Here it is:

YOUR NAME

You got it from your father,

It was all he had to give.

So it's yours to use and cherish

For as long as you may live.

If you lose the watch he gave you

It can always be replaced,

But a black mark on your name, Son,

Can never be erased.

It was clean the day you took it

And a worthy name to bear.

When he got it from his father,

There was no dishonor there.

So make sure you guard it wisely;

After all is said and done,

You'll be glad the name is spotless

When you give it to your son.

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