DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the girl who got stuck with the $155 bridesmaid dress, I had to write.

When I was young (too young), I got engaged to a man I hadn't known very long. My parents were paying for the wedding and the attendants were paying for their own gowns and tuxedo rentals.

During the month before the wedding, my fiance began to show his true colors. He drank heavily and became physically and verbally abusive. I knew I should have called the wedding off, but I was worried about all the money my parents were spending on the wedding, so I foolishly kept quiet and went through with it. Big mistake!

Two years later, when I finally got the courage to leave him, my friends and family told they would not have minded losing the money if it saved me from the hell I endured while being married to this abusive man.

Real friends forgive each other. -- MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR MINNEAPOLIS: Thank you for a letter that may save many women from making the mistake you made. This also applies to men. If either the bride or groom has second thoughts about their feelings, it would be far better to call the wedding off. While it may cause the other party to be upset, in the long run, it would be far better for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I saw the letter from "Worried in California," whose 14-year-old daughter was driven home from baby sitting by a drunk parent.

I grew up in New Orleans and was told at an early age that if I ever needed a ride home for any reason -- but especially alcohol -- at any time of day or night, to call home and one of my parents would come and get me with no questions asked. Mom gave me a quarter, which I carried with me whenever I went out. As I was leaving, I would hear, "Have a good time. Do you have your quarter?"

Only once did I have to call home, not because of alcohol, but when a date turned abusive. He took my purse and refused to give it back, but I still had my quarter -- in my shoe.

Abby, please continue to advise parents to tell their children never to get into a car with a driver who has been drinking. Our children are irreplaceable. -- C.L. DOWN SOUTH

DEAR C.L.: Be assured I will continue to harp on that theme until my typewriter falls apart. Thanks for an excellent letter.

DEAR ABBY: "Frustrated With Papa Hoarder," whose father refuses to throw away anything, should get him to a mental health professional who is skilled in diagnosing and treating obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Her father's failure to handle his affairs is probably not due to incompetence, but to the overwhelming fear of throwing away something important; therefore, he keeps everything. His senseless saving of stacks of printed matter and refusal to accept help in discarding them could be symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder, a problem that affects 5 million Americans and is quite treatable.

To obtain referral for treatment and information on OCD, "Frustrated With Papa Hoarder" can contact the OCD Foundation, P.O. Box 70, Milford, Conn. 06460-0070. -- PAUL R. MUNFORD, PH.D., CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I was offended by your response to "Nameless, Of Course," who was upset that her former brother-in-law's new wife had "corrected" her when she introduced them as "my brother-in-law and his wife, JoAnn," by injecting, "He WAS your brother-in-law."

You were way off base to label the new wife as a "petty, insecure woman." I think that label better applies to the former sister-in-law.

As the wife of a former widower, I know you were correct when you stated that marriage is more than the joining of two individuals; it is also the joining of families. But Abby, if joining families is a goal, why would you condone this obvious exclusion of the current wife? If "Wayne" is her "brother-in-law" and "JoAnn" is "his wife," apparently HE is still considered a part of the family, but SHE (the newcomer) is not! She felt she was treated as an intruder, hence her strong public corrections. No one likes to be on the outside looking in, particularly when her spouse is on the inside while she stands out in the cold.

I have watched some of my husband's former in-laws struggle with this. Those who seem to have the greatest difficulty are the ones who have not accepted the death of my husband's first wife. My husband reacts to this by seeing as little as possible of his former in-laws, who continue to live in the past and cannot accept his new life -- or me.

My mother-in-law handles these situations in the classiest, warmest way I've ever seen. At 79 years young, she has dealt with a lot of "comings and goings." In her eyes, everyone is an in-law. Her brother died at age 39, and his widow is now on her third husband. Mom always introduces them as "my sister-in-law and brother-in-law," and we refer to them as "aunt and uncle." Now that's a beautiful welcome into the family. Ours is a large extended family with many in-laws, and our family events are truly special because everyone feels included.

"Nameless" should take the hint, back off, and accept JoAnn as the newest member of the family. That way, she would gain a sister-in-law, and her "former" brother-in-law would have the family support he and his new wife need in order to succeed in their new life together. -- AM THERE, DOING THAT

DEAR AM THERE: You are very perceptive. Your letter illustrates the importance of being compassionate and accepting of new in-laws. The reward is having an extended, loving family. I appreciate your input.

DEAR ABBY: I am a receptionist in a large, busy medical office with lots of people coming in and going out, and phones constantly ringing.

Which person should I take care of first? The one on the phone, or the patient who is waiting patiently in front of me?

I try to take care of everyone in a timely manner, but there are days when it's impossible to please everyone. -- OVERWHELMED

DEAR OVERWHELMED: After determining it is not an emergency, ask the person on the phone to please give you a telephone number, and say you will return the call when you are free. Then, deal with the person who made a trip to the medical office.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My loving, vibrant 68-year-old mother suffered a massive stroke in January. When the doctor told us there was nothing they could do, we told him and the emergency room staff that she wanted to be an organ donor. When Mother was alive, she frequently stressed how much it would mean to her to help others in this way.

As Mother lingered in a coma in the intensive care unit, her nurse called us, suggesting we return to the hospital to say our final goodbyes. Her blood pressure was falling quickly and death could be imminent.

When we arrived, I asked the attending nurse how the organ donation process works. He stared at me blankly and was surprised to hear Mother was an organ donor. They immediately started administering medication to sustain her organs.

I'm grateful I spoke up before she passed away and her organs were no longer viable.

Thankfully, five people benefited from her liver, corneas and kidneys. Her heart and lungs are being used for medical studies.

The local organ bank told me that this is a common oversight in hospitals, and one they are trying hard to remedy with hospital staff members.

I hope others learn from my experience and make sure that organ donation is carried out for their loved ones. It takes more than just checking the organ donor box on your driver's license to ensure the gift of life to others. -- KERRY ZICKERT, CLARENDON HILLS, ILL.

DEAR KERRY: Thank you for an important letter and for wanting to alert families of prospective organ donors about your experience. Although the number of potential organ donors remains about the same, the demand for organs continues to grow.

It's a tragedy when organs, which can mean the difference between life and death, are lost because of a lack of communication between families and health-care professionals.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Arthur," and I have been married 3 1/2 years and have a 1-year-old daughter.

My problem may seem minor, but it is extremely frustrating. Every night after dinner, Arthur lies down on the couch to watch television. He then falls asleep. About 2 or 3 a.m., he comes upstairs and crawls into bed with me. Abby, we never cuddle or fall asleep together. I'm very hurt that we don't spend any time alone at the end of the day like most married couples.

I have discussed my feelings with Arthur many times. He understands that it upsets me but says he can't go to bed as early as I do. He says he really enjoys watching TV and the "dozing off" feeling is relaxing for him. I'm at the point of wanting to lock him out of the bedroom so he can watch TV and sleep on the couch all night. What do you advise? -- SLEEPING ALONE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SLEEPING ALONE: Buy a small television set for the bedroom, with earphones for Arthur. Get yourself some earplugs and a sleep mask, if necessary. Then Arthur can enjoy dozing off in front of the TV, and you will have him in bed next to you.

If he objects to this solution, television may not be the only problem in your marriage. Consider counseling.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)