DEAR ABBY: Family vacation season is almost upon us, and I'd like to share an experience that my husband and I will never forget. Several years ago, my husband's family gathered for a reunion at a resort in the Midwest. When we arrived, we found our rented condos well-maintained and spotlessly clean.

While my husband and adventurous 5-year-old son explored the grounds, I put our 14-month-old daughter to bed for a nap and started unpacking.

Next to the Bible in the bedside table drawer -- within easy reach of inquisitive children -- I discovered a handgun. I called the security office and demanded they remove it immediately.

Several hours later, I received a call from Housekeeping indicating there was a problem with our accommodations and that someone would be right over to take care of it. I informed them that I had already found the "problem" and it had been removed by Security. The housekeeper apologized profusely and admitted that the maid had reported the handgun, but Housekeeping had forgotten to remove it. It wasn't until they saw on the hotel registration that young children were also occupying our unit that someone remembered.

Abby, please remind your readers that just because accommodations are clean doesn't mean they are safe. My 5-year-old could just as easily have discovered that weapon. (But the danger could have been something else -- a syringe, a condom or prescription medication.)

I'm happy to say that we had a wonderful vacation and returned home healthy and in one piece. I hope this letter will help others do the same. -- MARION W. ATHEARN, FALL RIVER, MASS.

DEAR MARION: Thank you for a valuable reminder that travelers (especially parents) should make it a top priority to thoroughly check their accommodations (drawers, closets, cupboards) before they unpack.

DEAR ABBY: Our parents are getting a divorce after a long and unhappy marriage.

Soon after Dad filed for divorce, he met and started dating a woman who is a few years younger. She seems very nice. The problem is, Dad made us promise not to tell Mom that he was dating.

We agreed not to talk about it, but Mom found out from someone else, and now she's angry at us for having kept it from her. Our grandmother sides with Mom. Both say we were disloyal for not telling her.

We don't think it was our duty to share such information, especially since we were pretty sure Mom would be upset to hear the news. Were we wrong? -- TWO BROTHERS AND A SISTER

DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTER: No. Your parents have put you in the middle of what appears to be a bitter divorce, and it's unfair of them to put you in a compromising situation, or heap guilt on you.

You should not be forced to take sides. What your parents do should be their own business, and children should not be forced to withhold information or be stool pigeons.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Illinois Reader," whose husband has an incurable illness and wants people to refrain from asking about him when she's out in public, as she'd like a break from her heavy responsibilities:

My daughter was also diagnosed with a rare, incurable disease, and it's hard for me to understand "Illinois Reader" not wanting her friends to ask about her husband.

At the time of my daughter's diagnosis, she was expected to live only a few weeks. Well, that was nearly a year ago, and she is doing much, much better. However, many of our so-called "friends" did not visit and have also stopped asking about her. Although my daughter hasn't stopped living, caring or loving, it seems that our friends have!

Right now, we need all the love, support and prayers we can get. So I say: "Please ask me how my daughter is doing. It lets me know that you care and still think about us. It is not an invasion of privacy, nor is it an intrusion into our lives."

I'm sorry that "Illinois Reader" feels so burdened that she needs a break from it all. However, it is even more unfortunate that many people will not ask other caregivers about their loved ones. You may print my name. -- JACQUI TAPTTO, LAWTON, OKLA.

DEAR JACQUI: It's possible your friends do not mean to be selfish or inconsiderate. Many people don't know what to say when someone they know is experiencing a crisis. They feel awkward and react by avoiding the subject. As illustrated by you and "Illinois Reader," each caregiver has different needs, and no one is a mind reader. It is up to you (and all caregivers) to offer guidance by expressing your needs to friends and relatives. Your honesty will be appreciated, and you will appreciate the results.

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional counselor, and I counsel many teen-aged girls. Often they tell me things like, "I went out with this guy and I got pregnant" -- as if "going out" somehow caused the pregnancy.

I've come to realize over the years that many girls have never been told how to diplomatically say "no" to sex. It appears they frequently say "yes" just so they won't seem rude.

You would be doing your readers a great service if you asked young girls to write and answer the question, "How did you 'just say no'?" -- CONCERNED COUNSELOR, PASADENA, CALIF.

DEAR CONCERNED COUNSELOR: You have made an excellent suggestion. While teen-aged girls may have the most difficulty with this issue, they are not alone. People of all ages (and both sexes) also struggle with it. Readers, what works for you? How do you "just say no" to a sexual encounter you do not wish to have, or do not feel ready for?

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from "New Jersey Reader" who attended a wedding where the bride's grandmother pushed the younger women out of the way so she could catch the bouquet.

At my wedding seven years ago, my grandmother also made sure she caught the bouquet. But unlike "New Jersey Reader," I was delighted -- and proud! (My grandparents' marriage lasted more than 40 years before Grandpa passed away.) Everyone had a great time at our reception, and the "bouquet incident" (as it has become known) made the event even more memorable.

My grandmother still has the bouquet, and I know that it's very special to her. She always had a beautiful flower garden, and she was the one who supplied most of the flowers for our wedding.

I don't remember who caught the garter, but I'll always remember who caught the bouquet! -- DEBRA STALNAKER, HELENA, MONT.

DEAR DEBRA: Your grandmother sounds like a special lady. Thanks for sharing a lovely memory.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I recently got jobs at the two biggest competitors in town. We always have confided in each other about everything important, including work-related problems. However, our two businesses are so cutthroat and competitive, we're not even supposed to associate with people who are employed by the competition.

I don't want anything to affect our closeness. How can we maintain our friendship and also our jobs? -- TROUBLED IN TEXAS

DEAR TROUBLED: You will be doing a bit of a balancing act to stay friends in a competitive job situation, but it can be done. Look at Mary Matalin, who worked on the Republican campaign of former President Bush, while dating James Carville of President Clinton's campaign. They later married. Or United Press International's White House correspondent Helen Thomas, who worked in competition with her late husband, Doug Cornell of The Associated Press.

The secret is to keep your business and personal lives separate, agree to avoid discussing work-related problems or situations outside the office, and don't spread office gossip.

DEAR ABBY: I hope my story gives "Ticked Off in Georgia" a good laugh. He and his wife had attended a party given by friends. Not many were in attendance, and only hot cider and nonalcoholic beverages were served. Later, when comparing notes with other friends, he learned that there had been two guest lists. Group A described the open bar, fine wines, etc., while group B was on the "dull and cheap" list.

Years ago, my aunt and her husband invited us over for a chicken dinner at the noon hour. When we were called to the table, my husband and I noticed at once that the meat plate held boiled wieners. We never batted an eye, and no explanation was offered to us about the missing chicken.

Right after we had eaten, my aunt and uncle went outside for some reason. I speedily peeked into their kitchen cupboards. Lo and behold -- there on the stack of remaining dinner plates sat a whole cooked chicken. I was miffed!

When my aunt and uncle returned, over coffee they commented that their preacher and his wife were dropping over for supper that evening. Then it all clicked! We felt better knowing we had been switched to the "B" list so the good preacher could have chicken for supper. Still chuckling ... JANETTE KAUFFMAN, BEAVERTON, ORE.

DEAR JANETTE: Thanks for pointing out that in some cases, there are extenuating circumstances.

DEAR ABBY: Last year my brother-in-law got married and less than two months later, the marriage was over. He moved out and all the wedding gifts were put in storage by the bride, as the groom wanted to give her everything.

Here's the question: Since the marriage lasted less than two months, shouldn't the wedding presents be returned to the people who gave them? -- RIPPED-OFF RELATIVE IN SANTA ANA

DEAR RIPPED-OFF: Most definitely, yes!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)