DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old independent young woman with problems up to my eyeballs. I am eight months pregnant with a child I do not want and cannot provide for. I have gotten absolutely no support from family or friends.

The father refuses to believe that the baby is his, and I have made arrangements for adoption. I'm not emotionally or financially able to take care of a child. I can barely make ends meet supporting myself, let alone a child. The father claims that after the baby is born he will help support it, if in fact it is his. But I would still be the caregiver on a day-to-day basis.

Abby, I have dreams, goals and a lot of ambition. I'd like to return to school and accomplish all that I can in life, but having an unwanted baby by an unwanted man would really throw a monkey wrench into my plans.

The baby's father says he does not agree with the adoption, but the only other choice is for him to take full custody, which he refuses to do. (In other words, I have the child and I struggle with it.)

Well, I'm tired of struggling and I don't need the added responsibilities, especially since I have the option of adoption. I am scared, confused, and not quite certain I am doing the right thing. What do you think? -- VERY UNHAPPY

DEAR VERY UNHAPPY: I think you have made the correct choice. You have intelligent and compelling reasons to give your child to a couple who would love it and are better able than you are to provide for its future.

DEAR ABBY: I am among that growing segment of our population known as "the graying of America." Many of us require couches and chairs we can comfortably sit on and gracefully rise from without strain. Younger people with "athletic knee" or back problems are in similar situations.

I recently moved from my home of many years to a retirement village apartment. I willingly abandoned my sofa and chairs, knowing they would be difficult for me and my contemporaries to use.

In the Cincinnati hospital where I went for physical therapy, the waiting room was furnished with couches and chairs that were much too low to be practical. (I chose to sit on an end table.)

I fervently hope that designers will consider our need for couches and chairs from which we can comfortably rise. -- MRS. VIRGINIA HARRY, DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR MRS. HARRY: Thank you for a letter that I hope will inspire designers to come up with some useful furniture for a growing market of consumers.

DEAR ABBY: I just had to respond to "Abby Fan in Arizona," the 71-year-old widow who refused to become sexually involved with a man because of her "dropped stomach" or "apron," as she called it.

Years ago, there was a saying that went: Look but don't touch. A widow and widower in our town were getting to know each other, and when the situation began to get a little more intimate, the fellow said, "I know -- look but don't touch."

To which she responded, "Touch all you want -- just don't look!" -- A FLORIDA FAN

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I had a copy of President James A. Garfield's "Rules for Living" but have been unable to locate it for several months.

It seems that one of President Garfield's friends gave him a list of rules for moral living, which Garfield carried in his wallet for the rest of his life. These rules have been published in various periodicals.

I would appreciate it if you could locate a copy of these "rules for living" and print them in your column. I'm sure that many people would benefit from reading them again, and possibly for the first time.

I'm signing my name, but if you print this, please omit my name and sign this ... A MOMENT IN HISTORY

DEAR MOMENT: I have not seen the rules for living that you mention, but I came across a profound piece of philosophy attributed to President James Garfield. It is from a book I own titled "Facts About the Presidents" by Joseph Nathan Kane:

GARFIELD JUDGES GARFIELD

"I do not care what others say and think about me. But there is one man's opinion which I very much value, and that is the opinion of James Garfield. Others I need not think about. I can get away from them, but I have to be with him all the time. He is with me when I rise up and when I lie down; when I eat and talk; when I go out and come in. It makes a great difference whether he thinks well of me or not."

DEAR ABBY: What is proper etiquette when video-recording in someone else's home? My mother frequently visits my brother and his wife in another city with her trusty videocamera in tow. My brother and their toddler are always shot in their best light, but somehow she always manages to catch and film my sister-in-law first thing in the morning as she makes her bleary-eyed way to the bathroom. Mom especially likes shooting the dirty dishes or piles of laundry.

I've asked Mom why she didn't put down the camera and help with the chores, or at least film the great feast that led to the dirty dishes, but it does no good.

My mother makes no secret of her dislike for my brother's wife and uses her electronic demon to exact some demented pleasure. Is there a noncombative way of saying, "Leave the damn thing at home"? -- NOT EVEN A STATE, PLEASE

DEAR NOT EVEN: The best way to deal with this is for your brother to firmly tell your mother that she is welcome to visit -- on the condition that she leave her camcorder at home.

DEAR READERS: Mark Twain was a silent participant at a dinner party in Hartford, Conn., one evening. When he was chided afterward for not saying anything, he replied that his host had talked so incessantly as to leave little opportunity for any conversation.

"It reminds me of the man who was reproached by a friend, who said, 'I think it's a shame that you have not spoken to your wife for 15 years. How do you justify it?'

"The husband replied, 'I didn't want to interrupt her.'"

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to your wolf-dog article. In the response, you stated that owning a wolf hybrid is a bad idea. It's a good thing that you added "owners may argue," because I have an argument with your response.

I'm the proud owner of a black, yellow-eyed, 70 percent hybrid wolf. I got her from a breeder at 6 weeks old. I have learned a lot from her behavior. Many people fear "the big black wolf," but if they took the time to learn and understand them, they'd appreciate them.

Wolves do not attack people unless they are diseased or protecting their young, as any other animal would. Yes, I have heard terrible stories about young children who have been attacked, and I have also read about the wolf who was chained in his own back yard and attacked a child. The attack may have been provoked. Children should be taught responsibility and respect for animals.

It shocks me how many strangers (adults as well as children) will approach my hybrid, knowing she is a wolf, and start patting her and get in her face. No one should ever approach an animal without first asking the owner if it's a good idea. Some animals are nervous with strangers.

It is strongly suggested (and a good idea) to bring these animals around people as they grow. I have a 5-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old nephew. They both respect my wolf hybrid and play with her. She also shares the house with four dogs and one cat. Two of the dogs are toy poodles and one is a teacup poodle. The teacup poodle can make my hybrid drop to the ground and show her belly and her throat (her most vulnerable parts), which is what wolves do to show submission.

There are schools and classes for dogs. It's all in how they're brought up. If you abuse or neglect them, they might attack, as any other animal would. I wish I had the time to educate people, and more of these hybrids to raise. From what I have seen, these are some of the most graceful animals God has put on this Earth, and we need to respect them. I wish we wouldn't be so quick to judge what we know very little about. -- BEAUTY WITHOUT THE BEAST

DEAR BEAUTY WITHOUT THE BEAST: In fairness I'm printing your letter. However, the author of the article from which I quoted did check with experts on animal behavior. Therefore, I still caution anyone who is considering a wolf hybrid as a pet to be aware of the potential dangers when one tries to domesticate a wild animal.

DEAR ABBY: Your suggestion that "Needs Help Far From Home" find an Al-Anon meeting was right on. I have been attending Al-Anon for more than six years now and feel that everything I need to know I learned in Al-Anon.

The bottom line is that in Al-Anon we learn to love ourselves unconditionally, and that is the best calling card we can have for relationships of all kinds. -- J.Q., EUGENE, ORE.

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